So Many Funny Ways for a Nobody to Kill a Sue
by Sound Slayer
Summary: Mary Sue-bashing here. Each time Org. XIII including Xion kills a Sue, you can donate one here to keep the story going! Might stop if I think this is really mean but for the meantime, read, review and have a good laugh!
1. Let's Start This Mess

Hello, my dear readers. This actually isn't a story. It's more like something of what I call a present for those who really enjoy Mary Sue-bashing. I don't know but I just felt like writing this. And if this one is reviewed well… I might even go back to doing my parody fic which is "You Say the Title and the KH Crew Will Sing It". (Yeay, me!!!)

By the way, this is a gift to all the readers and/or reviewers who have suffered the recently-being-updated unspeakable space-and-time destruction of a certain piece of crap floating out in this website. If you don't know to what I'm referring to, then just don't go look for it. You'll literally die of laughing and I will be liable for your deaths. (Seriously.)

Anyways, moving on… here is the story. And I don't care if this gets deleted but this is really fun.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

Once upon a Mary Sue time, there was a girl. She was skinny to the point of being prejudged as anorexic. She had a really weirdly-streaked hair which reached until who knows where on the ground.

_Blah blah blah. Does that even matter?_

Anyways, she was walking down the street of The World That Never Was when a weird black portal opened just a few meters away from her.

Out came fourteen oddly-clothed figures which surrounded her.

"The Organization?" She was shocked to the point of vomiting sexily!

_What? How is vomiting being sexy? She probably just wants to make out with the toilet, right?_

And her eyes turned from yellow to purple because she was scared.

_What? Hmm… wow, do you change contact lenses like really fast? Like within a minute?_

"You!" One of the figures pointed at her. "What is your name?"

"Eat-her-knee-tea…" she muttered shyly.

"So it's you who's been giving us a horrible reputation in this website!"

"What? What did I do?" she asked defiantly, perfectly sure she didn't do anything wrong.

The same figure turned to his companions and said, "Everybody, she doesn't know us. Introductions starting from No. 14!"

"Yes, Superior, sir!" all of them shouted and saluted in unison.

"The name's Xion!" a figure, shorter than the one who was talking to her previously, said as she revealed her face. "Got it memorized, Eat-her-knee-tea? Oh wait that's not my line."

_Sure, it isn't Xion…. Next!_

"Roxas! And I'm not emo! You've been describing me 'emo' every time you talk about me!" the blonde kid yelled as he took off his hood.

_Whatever, Roxas…_

"No, I'm not done yet." He glared at Eat-her-knee-tea. "And know what? I wouldn't even help if Xemnas… I mean, the Superior even tried to kill you!"

_I said that's enough already Roxas!_

Roxas shut up and looked down on the floor.

"The name's Larxene. And you must be the skinny girl with a lot of typos! You do think you have a big cleavage, don't you? Plus, you can't decide if you're anorexic or bulimic? It's just laughable!" The blonde woman began to laugh. "You can't even beat me if you tried!"

_Okay… Larxene's creeping me out. Next!_

"Marluxia, Lord of Castle Oblivion, stands before you! And I am not gay! Neither am I that stupid to discuss matters about the Organization in The Castle That Never Was!" The pink-haired man scowled at her.

_Marluxia? Keep your temper down. It's not like you have one._

"I'd rather we skip the formal introductions with this little rodent…" a different hooded figure suggested.

_Luxord! Just introduce yourself…_

"Fine. The name's Luxord. Sophisticated and knowledgeable," the man said in his highly noticeable accent.

_That's enough. We want Mary Sue-bashing here not your biography…_

"Party in the castle at noon!" a voice screamed. "Can I be in-charge of the swimming pool activities? And the music and the sound system?"

_Demyx! Quit fooling around. Celebrate when you're done bashing her head. Now go on. Say something about yourself._

"Me? 'I'm Demyx. Number 9. Who wants to dance with water?' Huh?" Demyx read from a cue card and looked puzzled about what he just said.

This time, one of the figures went up to Eat-her-knee-tea and unveiled himself as a redhead.

"The name's Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized? And don't bother flirting with me because my heart only belongs to one person." He pointed at Roxas who gaped in shock.

_Axel, you silly Nobody. You don't have a heart. But, OMG! (That's really O Em Gee!) Are you gay?"_

"I don't?" Axel jumped back in surprise. "But I think I'm straight though." He looked at himself.

Ignoring him, another figure exposed himself as a man with long blue hair and an X-shaped scar on his face.

"Saix is my name. I am not a silly musical instrument. And I am Master Xemnas's second-in-command. Deal with it!" He turned to the one who was the first to speak to Eat-her-knee-tea and bowed humbly.

_What a valiant knight you have here, Xemnas .But, Saix, don't be mean to Demyx's sitar… anyway, next!_

"Zexion! Not Sexion! I am not your sex toy!" a bluish-gray-haired young man said upon showing his face to the girl. "And I am not emo! I do not swear."

"Neither do the rest of us!" the rest of the members added.

_Sure thing, Zexion. Next._

"Lexaeus!" the man with reddish-brown hair grunted.

"I'm a scientist and experiments are my forte. I do not bash people's head off. Vexen not Vixen, okay? I'm not a reindeer or a female fox," the man with long beige hair told the girl warningly.

_Lexaeus, try to talk some more next time. And yeah, Vexen. But we all know that Mary Sue-bashing is good for our health! Right, guys?_

"Xaldin. Let my dreadlocks put fear in you! No, wait. That sounded cheesy," the man with black dreadlocks said, smiling after his face was revealed.

_Moving on… I'm not bothering with your stupid jokes, Xaldin._

"Xigbar! Let me guess, those aren't actually boobs. They're those little water balloons!" Xigbar roared with laughter. "And your gun? I think it's between your…"

_Censor that!_

"Or your breasts!" Xigbar continued to laugh.

"Last but not the least, Xemnas." The final member revealed himself. "And my real name might be Xehanort but I do not transform from Xehanort to Xemnas. Hey, where'd she go?"

_Oh no! Mary Sue on the loose!_

All fourteen members gasped.

"But I… I wanted to slice her boobs off!" Larxene screamed. She was outraged about the fact that Eat-her-knee-tea just slipped off without them noticing.

"Hmm… intriguing. I have an idea!" Zexion declared.

"Is it a party?" Demyx asked, completely oblivious of the fact that they were all trying to kill Eat-her-knee-tea.

"NO!" Zexion immediately answered. "We're going to search for her."

"Twilight fanfics? I think that's where she's hiding," Marluxia said indifferently.

"Great idea, Marluxia! Let's hunt her down for murdering our characters!" Vexen exclaimed.

"DEATH TO EAT-HER-KNEE-TEA!" they all shouted before going off in search for her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

The end! If you guys want, I can continue this! But you need to help me, of course. Hehe. Leave a review and I will keep you laughing! See ya!


	2. Our First Sue

Oh, wow. Six reviews? You must either really like me or you just hate Eter… Eat-her-knee-tea. Ooops. Nearly got that wrong over there. And AkuDemyfan, one of the reviews just answered your question so yeah just look at it to see what the story is. And Mirror, I only accept donated Sues after Eat-her-knee-tea. So if you know a Sue running on the loose after I kill off Eat-her-knee-tea, you may donate one to keep this fic going.

Anyways, I think I'm really biased but hey this is fun! No, do not warship me. I do not like war. And no worshipping of me either. I don't want to be worshipped because I am no savior thing sent from the blazing lights of heaven.

Oh and I will be bashing several Twilight characters here coupled with a mild sexual scene. So… if you like Stephanie Meyer, Jacob, Edward and Bella (whoever they are because I just want to bash them), don't read this! Enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

All the members of Organization XIII were back at The Castle That Never Was, trying to come up with an intricate plan to delete Eat-her-knee-tea from the space-time continuum of all the awesome games in the world.

After listening to Vexen's complicated and barely understandable plans involving "Yu-Gi-Oh", "Pokemon" and many other things, Demyx shouted, "Why don't we just go look for her and finish her off?"

_Yeah? But wait a sec, why didn't we put Metal Gears Solid in here? Oh wait, that doesn't even exist!_

"What's with the stupid typo?" Axel blurted out. "Don't tell me that you're like…" He shuddered.

_NO! I'M ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS!1! Oh wait, I didn't mean to add statistics to this dialogue. Sorry, Nobodies!_

"For a second, I thought you're going to spell Nobodies with a 'u' and an 'a'." Zexion placed his face on his palm.

_Don't be so mean to me… I'm trying to give you guys good publicity here._

"Really? We're celebrities?" Demyx perked up. "Ooooooh! In that case, can I be Demyx the Water-Dancer? And I'll have Zexion as my back-up dancers along with Marluxia, Larxene, Xigbar, Roxas, Xion, Axel, Saix and Xemnas!"

All the other members stared at Demyx in shock.

_No, Dem-dem. I meant that you will all be known as the Mary Sue Exterminator Special Forces!_

Xigbar sighed heavily. "Oh. I thought we were going to be paid hundreds of bucks to screw that… what's the nice word again, Zexion?"

"Sl*t."

_Right. Anyway, we should do a Mary Sue Exterminator Special Forces dance before going into your costumes!_

"We have a dance?" Saix asked. "And why do you have to say the whole Mary Sue Extermination Special Forces thing?"

_Fine, I will shorten it to the Mary Sue Killers! Now that's sexy! Just kidding, guys. But I'm serious about the dance._

Xemnas raised his eyebrows, unsure of what he just heard.

_Don't worry. We'll all look sexy! Come on, Xemmy. We know you want to be a pole-dancer! Well, maybe not. But we know you want to be more attractive._

"Oh all right…" Xemnas finally gave in after receiving glares from the rest of the Organization.

"Do I have to?" Saix protested.

"I don't dance," Zexion groaned.

"I think this is going to be hot!" Larxene seemed excited.

_Okay, everybody! Left hand on hips!_

All of them placed their left on their hips.

_Right arm up! And sway them high while moving your hips._

After all of them swayed their outstretched right arms and hips, a mysterious song suddenly blared throughout the castle.

They all looked around as the instrumental of the song died down and the main verse was about to start.

"All the single Nobodies! All the single Nobodies! All the single Nobodies! All the single Nobodies!"

All of them had petrified looks on their faces although Larxene looked like she wanted to dance along with it already.

_Do it guys! Especially Zexion. People love it when you dance, dude. Saix, no exceptions. Xemnas? You want me to turn you into Xehanort and destroy the continuum? All together now!_

"All the single Nobodies! All the single Nobodies! All the single Nobodies! All the single Nobodies!"

Axel was doing the movements probably in the gayest way imaginable. He was exaggerating the swaying too much and he looked like he wanted to seduce Roxas who was dancing beside him.

_Axel! No dancing sexily! Only seductively but you're not supposed to do that now!_

Axel stopped but there was another problem. Xemnas looked like he was strip-teasing in front of Saix who appeared to be macho-dancing.

_Xemnas! Saix! You're doing it all wrong! Stop it! It looks weird!_

Then again, Zexion wasn't doing anything except putting his hand on the hips and the other hand up high. Luxord was dancing while holding up a bottle of spirit on his right hand.

_Luxord! No drinking! It's bad influence for the kiddies trying to read the fic. And just stop it, everyone!_

The music stopped and so did everyone who was like enjoying themselves.

"What's the matter?" Xion asked. "Is the party over?"

"Never mind." Xemnas dismissed the thought of the Mary Sue Killers doing a dance before heading off to a mission. "To the Corridors of Darkness!"

"To the Corridors!" yelled everybody. And they disappeared into each of their own portals.

Meanwhile, in a house of a certain character who we all know has a bird for a last name, four people were in the dining room. They were all seated around a circular table and chatting sexily!

_What? If I didn't know any better, the four of them are trying to see who gets seduced first and takes off his/her own clothes before getting screwed on the dining table._

Hun-ugh, Bella, Edward and Jacob… all four of them looked at each other's eyes with lust and obsession.

_Hey! Where's Eat-her-knee-tea? Oh wait, I think she's the evil alter ego of Hun-ugh! I can see the resemblance from here. A red shirt. As red as blood but not as red as a fire hydrant but as red as a phone booth in London but not as red as the boil on her lip… whatever! Do I need to care?_

Suddenly, Bella jumped on Edward's lap and went all like, "Love me harder, Edward!"

And they started kissing each other torridly with Hun-ugh watching in complete enjoyment and Jacob feeling a little left out.

"OMG! Go, Brella! F*ck Edweird. What about you, Jackob? Don't you want to f*ck me?" she said sexily.

_What's with sexily? And now, you're prostitute for hire? Oh and OMG here is pronounced as Om-guh!_

Bella stood up and bent over the table. "Edward? You ready?" she said with her eyes full of erotic excitement.

"Just a moment, my hunny-brunch! Jacob? Can you undo my zipper? I think it's stuck!" Edward beckoned to the werewolf boy.

_This is stupid. Mary Sue Killers! Targets are sighted! This is S.S. reporting! Oh just not the entire Organization… Zexion! Axel! Larxene! Marluxia! Demyx! Come here quickly!_

At once, five portals appeared before the four who just continued on with their lust-problems-written-all-over-it deed.

"Sex scene? Oh well… sex scene has been cut short!" Axel yelled to try and catch the four's attention.

"WE ARE FIVE OF THE MARY SUE KILLERS!" The four did a pose similar to Charlie's Angels.

"What are you five nobodies doing here? Can't you see we're trying to have some intimacy with the species of a different kind here?" Edward looked at the five with anger. "Now, look. I've lost my erection!"

_What the heck was that?_

"We have come to kill that girl who you know as Eat-her-knee-tea over there." Marluxia pointed a finger at the girl with weirdly-colored hair.

"She's Hun-ugh!" Bella corrected the pink-haired man. "And who do you think you guys are? If you want to kill our biggest fan, you have to go through us!"

All three Twilight characters walked over to the Nobodies, trying to stop them from carrying on with their plan.

"Wait!" Hun-ugh called out to her Twilight friends. "I am also known as Eat-her-knee-tea!"

And with a little stupid clumsy spin, she transformed into… well, she didn't actually transform. Nothing really happened to her except she got a little thinner and looked more stupid.

"No matter! We will protect our fans!" Jacob tried to intimidate Larxene with a mean face but only ended up making the Nobody laugh.

"Zexion, can I please take flea-boy over there?" Larxene was referring to Jacob.

Zexion just nodded without even giving a care about what Larxene intends to do.

She then faced her other comrades and said, "Marluxia, take down bird-lady. Axel, you can have sparkly-white-dude. Demyx? You can just play your sitar."

Demyx sat down quite happily and started playing some notes as Larxene, Marluxia and Axel went head-to-head with their foes.

Despite the lupine strength and agility he had after transforming into his werewolf form, Jacob was no match for Larxene for she was way smarter, faster and stronger than him.

Within seconds, she had already pinned him against the wall. Two knives on each limb and Jacob couldn't even see the attack coming.

"Nice knowing you… not that I cared in the first place!" Larxene scoffed the werewolf before frying him with multiple bolts of electricity.

As she fired the last one, she sniffed the air and announced, "We have a new delicacy, everybody! It's called 'Pathetic Werewolf Fried by the Savage Nymph'!"

_Umm… I'll pass Larxene. I'd rather go eat Martha Stewart's cooking than what you just did with what's-his-name._

"You said that only fire can kill you, right?" Axel grinned at Edward.

"Yes but I'm too hot to handle so I don't think your petty flame can burn me," Edward said, baring his sharp vampire teeth.

"Come on… everyone who has played Kingdom Hearts knows that I'm the hottest character to handle!" Axel laughed.

_Okay… I think you meant that literally. Oh well, snap your fingers, Axel. And let's see what the wheel of fate has gotten for our dear sparkling vampire friend._

"Today isn't your lucky day!" Axel merely told Edward. He snapped his fingers and Edward was instantly incinerated.

_Awesome! Just like in Re:CoM only you killed a more annoying character! Vampires don't sparkle in the sun…_

Bella tried to run for the door but suddenly she felt somebody run pass by her. Still she continued and reached for the doorknob.

As the doorknob touched her hand, she felt her hair being yanked by someone with a great deal of strength.

_Too bad, she didn't try to run. Or else we'll be having a bald bird-lady…_

"Where'd you think you're going? A Mary Sue who's been altered slightly so she can be hidden from Zexion's sensitive nose?" Marluxia mocked Bella as he tugged even harder on the girl's long hair.

"Oh well… our scripts are getting too long. I have to kill you now. Bye-bye," Marluxia said coldy as a thorny vine erupted before him and Bella.

At his command, the vine went into the girl's mouth and burst forth from her stomach. Blood splattered all over the floor.

_And that's that! But where's Hun-ugh or should I say Eat-her-knee-tea? Has she run off again after her idols were slaughtered like pigs?_

"See? You made her run away again!" Larxene screamed angrily and kicked the dining table so hard that one of its legs broke.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

Great. She ran away. The next chapter will have the options of the death for Eat-her-knee-tea so please vote for one. If you want, you can tell other people to read this fic and vote for the option of your choice. The option with the most votes gets to be the way how Eat-her-knee-tea dies.

Thanks for reading, guys! Love you… but not sexily, okay? Just love you! (Hahahaha!)


	3. Option Time! You Decide!

"Hello, everybody! The name's Bella Swan and…" a girl in white dress popped out.

_I thought you're dead already? Die to the might of the hatchet, lady! Die!_

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed. But after the multiple beatings from the floating hatchet, she stopped screaming and was either knocked out or dead.

_Checking for pulse… nope. No pulse! Okay, time to take out the trash._

After the girl's body was thrown somewhere out there, the sound of a door closing was heard.

_Hey, guys! I'm back. Sorry about the stupid inconvenience earlier. Like I said, "Die to the might of the hatchet!"_

_Anyways, I'm glad you liked this silly story. And yes, Gary Stus count even if they are my own. (It's perfectly fine.) And if you guys thought the deaths in the last chapter were gruesome, then you don't know how horribly Heartless I can be._

"So you're a Heartless?" Demyx appeared out of nowhere in his blue pajamas.

_Go to sleep, Demyx. And I'm not a Heartless… more of a Nobody actually. Sort of. Okay, I'm just human._

"But I can't Saix and Xemnas are snoring too loudly. Even Zexion is awake… but he's reading a book and cannot be disturbed." Demyx sat cross-legged on the floor. "And I'm bored."

_Stop staring at me like that. Why don't you just stand beside me and look at our readers?_

"Yeay!" He got up and jumped over.

_Ow! Don't be so reckless like that. Never mind. No point in scolding you. Zexion? Zexion! Come down here and read Demyx a bedtime story._

A boy with grayish-blue hair emerged from a portal and stood in front of Demyx. He was holding a book with the title of "Doppelganger". And then, in Demyx's hands were a bunch of notebooks with familiar name stickers on them.

_Hey! That's mine! You thieves! Okay, guys. Just read the things that I've written after this part because Demyx and Zexion are going to get a little scolding from me._

"Oops. I guess I should've asked for permission," Demyx said to Zexion in a half-apologizing manner.

"What? You said that you just found this in the room? We're so busted."

After looking at each other, Zexion and Demyx then disappeared into their Corridors of Darkness, running for their lives and dropping the book and notebooks.

_You two just dropped my crap! Why I ought to… never mind. Anyways, just read the stuff from here. I was supposed to say it but then Demyx happened and so did Zexion. Enjoy!_

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Options for the Mary Sue's Death**

This chapter is where we all choose how the Mary Sue dies. Read carefully before you review because the intensity of the killing may vary from hilarious funny to weird but still funny to plain stupid. And I will still be adding funny and witty comments in the midst of the action or I will make the Org say an insult or something. (Your choice.)

Anyways, the choices are:

1. Xemnas. The Sue attacks him in rage after being taunted by Xemnas who merely avoids this by teleporting behind her. He then summons several tendrils of darkness to immobilize the Sue. He spins around with his extended Ethereal Blades before forcing them through the Sue, finishing her off.

2. Xigbar. He laughs at the Sue after insulting her. Then, he teleports around the arena while firing different colorful (?) laser arrows at her. After which, he snickers before the Sue falls dead.

3. Xaldin. He blasts the Sue with a tremendous gale, causing her to cover her face and making her a sitting duck for Xaldin's next attack. He then hurls his lances at her one by one. When he hurls his sixth lance, it takes on the shape of a dragon before impaling and killing the Sue.

4. Vexen. He freezes the floor first, making the Sue glued stuck on her spot. He then summons a blizzard storm which attempts to freeze her to death. Lastly, before laughing, he summons several icicles which home in to her heart.

5. Lexaeus. He slams his tomahawk on the ground, causing massive pillars of stone to come out of the ground. The Sue then tries to hide behind one of these. Lexaeus slams his tomahawk yet again and this causes all the pillars to break into several boulder-sized chunks and fall on the ground. The Sue is apparently buried alive and crushed afterwards.

6. Zexion. Several lexicons surround the Sue before transporting her into a dark place. She then starts to see horrible and disturbing images. After seeing that, she is then bombarded by flaming meteors and lightning bolts. Then, she falls on the ground, barely alive. Zexion appears and kills her by dropping a huge dictionary on her head, crushing her skull.

7. Saix. A moon appears in the background and he goes on a rampage with his claymore. He wildly attacks the Sue, breaking her face and all her bones. After which, Saix bashes her head off with one mighty strike before returning back to his sane self and asking why is there a dead Sue in front of him.

8. Axel. He throws a flaming chakram at the Sue. She falls on the ground and Axel helps her up. However, as soon as she stands up, Axel throws her around like a stuffed toy. Then, he throws another flaming chakram at her. But this time, she is incinerated into a black foul-smelling shriveled corpse.

9. Demyx. He plays a song for the Sue who thinks it's a courtship song. Suddenly, pillars of water erupt from the ground and knock the Sue into the air. From there, the Sue is bombard with heavy jets of water, further tossing her higher. And soon, she eventually drops to the ground because of gravity. Broken yet still half-alive, Demyx drowns her with his water forms.

10. Luxord. He traps the Sue into a card. And then, he calls onto Sora, Riku and Kairi to play "Stab the Heartless". The Sue dies after the three kids kill her by stabbing her repeatedly with their keyblades which poke holes into the card.

11. Marluxia. He summons a bunch of vines which ensnare the Sue. He then calls forth a magnificent shower of cherry blossoms and rose petals. As these fall, he delivers several deep gashes on the Sue before cleanly beheading her.

12. Larxene. She keeps on teleporting behind the Sue. And each time she does, she viciously claws at her with her knives. After five strikes, she blasts her repeatedly with lightning before coming up close and snapping the Sue's neck in half.

13. Roxas. He charges at the Sue and stabs her repeatedly with his keyblades while gliding around her. Next, he calls forth his light shields around the arena to blast the Sue with beams of light. For the finishing touch, he bombards her relentlessly with blue orbs, killing her.

14. Xion. She slams her keyblade on the floor, emitting a fissure of light. Then, she dashes forward and does a heavy upward slash at the Sue. After following up with a huge eruption of light from the ground, she blasts the Sue repeatedly with beams of light, killing the latter.

15. Random Organization Member.

16. Random Disney Villain (What? Oh well… okay, I just put this here because I ran out of people to toy with.)

17. All the Organization members for a Special Attack.

18. Random Event that Causes the Sue to Die (ranging from her powers working against her to getting killed by a bookshelf to being squashed by somebody's giant toe)

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	4. The Nobodies Host A Talkshow 1

**Larxene:** Hi, everyone! Now since Sound Slayer's away. The rest of the Organization wants some little fun! It's Larxene, the new host!

**Xion:** And Xion too. The other female member of the Organization!

**Roxas:** How do I know you're actually female? You know, you were defined as "an incomplete replica of Sora that took on the form of Kairi".

**Xion:** Shut up, Roxas or I'll shove my keyblade into that big mouth of yours.

**Larxene:** Guys! Stop it! We have to exploit the moment that Sound Slayer isn't here. He's watching our death scenes, remember? Because he wants to write the next chapter of his silly other story.

**Demyx:** Hi, guys! What are you all doing? Looking all pretty energetic now, are we?

**Roxas:** What are you doing here?

**Demyx:** Don't know. Just wondering what you were all doing here.

**Xion:** Shut up, Demyx! We're trying to start a silly show in the middle of Sound Slayer's bashing fic!

**Demyx:** Oh! Can I sing? _First I was afraid. I was petrified, thinking I could…_ mfffft!

**Roxas:** Shut up! And geez, your mouth is like full of saliva.

**Demyx:** Hello? Water is my element! I'm supposed to be "watery".

**Zexion:** What's all the commotion? I'm trying to read. Demyx, please quiet down. I can hear you sing Tina Turner even if the door to my room is closed.

**Saix:** What's the racket? I was giving Master Xemnas a massage. And the annoying noise suddenly interrupted his relaxation.

**Larxene, Roxas, Demyx, Xion and Zexion:** What!?! You give massages?

**Xigbar:** Hey! Who said something about messages? Somebody's been leaving notes in my closet!

**Xaldin:** Hello, guys! Just checking if you're all asleep or something. What do you call a pig that knows karate?

**Zexion:** Isn't that illogical? A pig can't learn karate.

**Xaldin:** PORKCHOP! HAHAHAHAHA!

**Larxene:** Okay… that was lame.

**Xion:** Totally. That was like Riku and Sora making lame funny faces at each other.

**Roxas:** I thought you never met Sora!

**Xion:** Dude, this is fanfiction. Deal with me!

**Demyx:** _Just dance! Gotta be okay. Da-da-doo-dum. Just dance! Spin that record, babe. Da-da-doo-dum._

**Xaldin:** Why did Axel cross the road with a flaming stick twice?

**Axel:** Hey! I heard my name! What's the racket here?

**Xigbar:** I don't know, Xaldin. What is it?

**Xaldin:** Because he's a hot double-crosser! HAHAHAHA!

**Axel:** Okay. That was so right. And I am SO FLATTERED!

**Larxene:** Guys?

**Marluxia:** Has anyone seen the packet of foxglove seeds?

**Roxas: **Okay... why is everybody going here?

**Saix:** What's a foxglove?

**Marluxia:** It's a poisonous plant. Where are my seeds?

**Xaldin:** Those were foxglove seeds? I thought they were candy!

**Larxene:** Great… looks like Xaldin's going to die of poisoning.

**Xion:** Nobodies cannot die of poisoning! You guys die when you use up too much energy or lose too much of it!

**Roxas:** Axel? Why are you looking at me like that?

**Axel:** Why? Don't you just love me?

**Larxene:** Get a room, you guys!

**Demyx:** _Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon. You come and go. You come and go. Loving would be easy if…_

**Zexion:** Is anyone listening to me? I want some peace and quiet to read.

**Saix:** Everybody, if you don't keep it down, the Superior will be heading here and you will all be reprimanded.

**Luxord:** Greetings, everyone. I heard there was a party here!

**Vexen:** For goodness sake, your noise is making the whole place shake. My test tubes have all fallen on the floor.

**Xion:** Roxas! Axel! Good Kingdom Hearts! Get a room!

**Demyx:** _Love me, hate me. Say what you want about me! All of the girls and all of the boys are begging to if you seek a Roxas.... _Actually only Axel does.

**Saix:** Is anyone listening to me?

**Marluxia:** You owe me munny, Xaldin.

**Larxene:** Guys? Hello?

**Xemnas:** What is wrong with you guys? I only told Saix to check and now my massage is ruined.

**Xigbar:** Hey! I want a massage too! Saix, can you give me one after Xemnas?

**Xion:** Ahhhh! Superior, Axel and Roxas are making out here!

**Larxene:** Oh my Kingdom Hearts! My eyes! Theose two burn of the light and the fire!

**Xaldin:** Now that was really corny, Larxene. Oh holy Berserkers and Assassins, it burns my eyes.

**Demyx:** _I'm telling you to loosen off my buttons, babe. Uh-huh. But you keep fronting me. Say what you don't do to me. Uh-huh. Oh, I see nothing._

**Vexen:** What the Sorcerers? I thought Nobodies CAN'T FEEL love!

**Xion:** Eeeek! Get them away from me!

**Marluxia:** Ummm… what?

**Vexen:** Okay… this is like one of those homosexual sex scenes I read in a fanfiction about Axel and Roxas.

**Lexaeus:** … What's up, everybody? And what are Axel and Roxas doing on the floor?

**Marluxia:** Don't ask.

**Lexaeus:** …

**Xemnas:** What's all this nonsense? Oh holy Dusks and Heartless! Axel? Roxas?

**Demyx:** I don't know them anymore.

**Luxord:** Oh. That's hot.

**Larxene:** Oh no! He's drunk! Somebody save us before this turns into a threesome!

**Marluxia:** The flaming passion and the blinding intimacy! It's too much! I have been blinded.

**Lexaeus:** …

**Vexen:** Is this a good idea for a new experiment?

**Saix:** Don't you dare.

**Zexion:** Why is everybody still here? I can't see. Excuse me, Xaldin and Xigbar. Oh holy guacamole! My innocent eyes!

**Xigbar:** I cannot watch. It's too rated even for me.

**Xion:** Take cover! It's the orgasm! Run for your heterosexuality!

**Everyone except Axel and Roxas:** AHHHH!

**Xaldin:** Come on, Luxord!

**Luxord:** But I want to see the blondie get screwed really badly.

**Zexion:** Forgive me, Luxord. But I think you need this.

**Luxord:** Unnhhh.

**Saix:** Did you have to knock him out with an encyclopedia?

**Zexion:** Unfortunately, yes.

**Marluxia:** Everybody! EARPLUGS!

**Xigbar:** Brace yourselves as well!

**Xemnas:** Never mind. What are we doing here? We're leaving this before the explosion! To the Corridors!

**Everyone except Luxord, Axel and Roxas:** To the Corridors of Darkness!

**Larxene:** That was close.

**Xion:** Whew. For a second, I thought we were done for.

**Everybody else except Xemnas:** Whew! Thank you, Superior.

**Larxene:** Now, after so many disturbances, let's start our much awaited program. Which is Heart…

**Xion:** To Heart…

**Demyx:** To Heart…

**Zexion:** To Heart…

**Luxord:** …

**Vexen:** I'll say it for him. To Heart to Heart…

**Marluxia:** To Heart…

**Saix:** To Heart…

**Lexaeus:** To Heart…

**Xemnas:** To Heart…

**Xaldin:** To Heart…

**Xigbar:** To Heart…

**Axel:** To Heart…

**Roxas:** To Heart…

**Larxene:** With the Organization XIII. And oh, Axel and Roxas are done with their "business".

**Axel:** Yeah. And it was…

**Demyx:** You don't need to tell. Remember, Nobodies just don't f*ck and tell.

**Marluxia:** Demyx? What are you saying?

**Roxas:** Just after fifteen minutes, I don't know you all anymore!

**Everyone except Roxas and Axel:** ???

**Zexion:** I think the title of this program is nonsensical. We just used the word "heart" fourteen times and we, as a matter of fact, don't have hearts.

**Xion:** Oh just deal with it.

**Demyx:** _We are family! Organization of Thirteen. We are family! Organization of Thirteen!_

**Axel:** So what did we miss?

**Saix:** Nothing unless you meant the part where you and Roxas just got so "close" to each other moments ago.

**Marluxia:** Oh, come on. You know teenagers… they have hormonal problems. Just excuse Axel and Roxas.

**Xemnas:** They're not teenagers! What kind of excuse is that, Marluxia?

**Marluxia:** I don't know. At least I tried coming up with a stupid excuse!

**Xigbar:** I bet you five hundred munny that Saix won't give you a backrub.

**Xaldin:** You're on, Xigbar!

**Roxas:** So what now?

**Larxene:** We tell our readers something…

**Xion:** Yeah. Something. But we don't know yet.

**Lexaeus:** …

**Vexen:** You came up with a program but we don't have a script?

**Demyx:** _I'm not crazy. I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But stick a while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me._

**Axel:** Oh! What's this?

**Larxene:** Axel? I don't think we should touch Sound Slayer's computer. He is so going to kill us.

**Demyx:** No, he won't… actually he won't kill me, Larxene, Zexion and Marluxia. It said so on one of his notebooks.

**Zexion:** Really? So are we like his favorites or something? Because I'm feeling so thrilled that I could just whack you with my book…

**Larxene:** That's cool. Okay, everyone. I suggest you all leave because you all might get killed by S. S.

**Everyone except Zexion, Marluxia, Larxene and Demyx:** Fine…

**Larxene:** Ta-ta!

**Marluxia:** So what do the reviews say?

**Demyx:** What do you mean?

**Zexion:** He wants to see the reviews because you're clicking on S. S.'s account. And you're already watching his stories.

**Larxene:** Stories? Cool! I never knew he was a story-teller.

**Marluxia:** Let me do it, Demyx! It says here that… no one voted for us. Well, only Zexion, Roxas, Saix, Luxord and Xion. The Disney Villains too… and a random event and the whole Organization. No one likes us… except S. S.

**Demyx:** Let's see. One vote for Zexion. One vote for Saix. One for Roxas. One for Xion. Three for Random Event. Two for Disney Villain who might be Maleficent. One for Luxord. And one for the entire Organization.

**Zexion:** Hah! People like me out there better than you guys! Probably because of... well… me.

**Larxene:** HOLY CRAP! What's this? A pairing with Demyx and Zexion? This I got to see!

**Marluxia:** What did you say? Looks like we have something to blackmail Zexion and Demyx with, huh?

**Demyx:** That's not me! That is so not me!

**Larxene:** Demyx, that guy has his dirty blonde hair in a mullet! How can that be not you?

**Demyx:** Must be someone else.

**Marluxia:** Well, he's holding a sitar. And you're the only dirty blonde mullet boy who plays a sitar, wears an Organization cloak and has that stupid smile on his face all the time.

**Demyx:** This isn't a stupid smile!

**Larxene:** Will you two cut it out? I'm trying to read and look at the drawings at the same time!

**Zexion:** I am not homosexual! What is wrong with the people of the world? I wonder how Zexion-Demyx even got made up in the first place! We weren't even in the same game!

**Demyx:** Totally. I know where Marlene could have come from but two of us? That's nasty!

**Marluxia:** At least they got one thing right.

**Everyone but Marluxia:** What's that?

**Marluxia:** Actually two things… okay, three. Sora and Riku. Xemnas and Saix. Axel and Roxas.

**Larxene:** Yeah, everybody knows about Axel and Roxas's relationship but Xemnas-Saix and Sora-Riku? How'd you know that?

**Marluxia:** Let's just say I heard it from a grapevine.

**Demyx:** Oooohhhh! Marluxia talks to plants? That's new.

**Zexion:** It's an idiom, you half-wit. He meant that he heard it from somebody.

**Demyx:** I'm not a half-wit! You're so mean, Zexion! I'm calling S. S.!

**Zexion:** Don't cry, Demyx. Oh, come on. Let me give you a hug… whether I like it or not.

**Demyx:** Aww… thanks, Zexion.

**Larxene:** I finally got proof of Zexion-Demyx with this camera!

**Marluxia:** Good shots, Larxene! We should upload them as soon as possible!

**Demyx and Zexion:** Hey! No fair! You two are really traitors to their own core.

**Larxene:** Don't you dare touch me, you two. I can charge sexual harassment! We're in the real world right now. And anything goes because these humans make up such easily-exploitable rules!

**Marluxia:** She's right. All humans here are definitely gullible enough to be manipulated. And they all are pathetic life forms… except for Kingdom Hearts fans. But especially to the ones who like me!

**Demyx:** I think only S. S. likes you. And Larxene? Maybe some… but a lot of people like me! Yeay! Go Demyx! Go Demyx! Go Demyx!

**Zexion:** Me too… a lot of people really are drooling over me. It's really… uhh… fantastic, I guess.

**Larxene:** Don't get your hopes up, you two. Once I upload these pictures, I'm sure your popularity rates will drop rock-bottom!

**Marluxia:** And the rest of us will be on top. However, Larxene and I will have to take out some competition in trying to get there.

**Zexion:** You two are really evil, you know that.

**Larxene:** What's your problem? That's how our characters are.

**Demyx:** Umm… guys? I think I hear footsteps.

**Larxene:** Oh crap it. See you next time, guys! Hopefully, Axel and Roxas don't make out on our next telecast.

**Marluxia:** You know… we didn't even start the program or anything.

**Zexion:** And this moment only comes once in a lifetime or something like that because S. S. usually hogs the spotlight.

**Larxene:** Totally… tell me about it.

**Demyx:** I know! This whole thing should have more… me! I mean, I'm usually the one whom everyone likes, right?

**Marluxia:** Says you! People like me better than you!

**Larxene and Zexion:** Shut up, you two! We better get going!

**Zexion:** He's going to be back any minute now... to write his silly story about four of us messing with Riku and Sora's heads.

**Larxene:** Yeah. So we better cut this short.

**All Four:** Okay! See you next time! This is Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart to Heart with the Organization XIII! Review this telecast please! And please vote some more!


	5. Eat her knee tea's Last Live Chapter

Hey, guys! We're back! From outer space… well, only me. I had been busy with other stuff the last few days. And I see that "my pets" have had their fun on the last chapter… I don't hog the spotlight, right? I just narrate. For crying out loud, I am not a diva. I have no raw talent in acting, dancing or singing… trust me, if I sing "I Will Survive" to you guys, you'll probably end up in an ambulance because of asphyxia… no, it's not the same with anorexia.

Asphyxia is like lacking oxygen to breathe in due to an external factor. Uhh… that's what it said during my med. term. classes. Yeah… anyways, there will be three chapter intervals for every Sue, okay?

Enjoy this chapter!

And Random Event includes sudden yaoi fever, Sephiroth and a giant halberd falling from the sky. Disney villains include Maleficent of course… And Organization XIII for a special attack is a game of keep-ups. Hehe.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

So the sexy Mary Sue sexily entered a sexy forest of sexy trees with sexy leaves that if sexily mixed can make a sexy potion to sexily make you sexy.

But then, while she was sexily walking through the sexy forest of sexy trees, she sexily tripped on an un-sexy toadstool and sexily fell over her sexy face on a totally sexy puddle.

And she sexily cried out in sexy pain!

_Oh my… I think some of my brain cells just became brain dead cells… oh the horror! Good golly of the gracious Gilligan's geese of garrulity and gregariousness! My brain! Noooooo!_

She stood back up and dusted herself.

Although she now had bruises on her skinny arm, she was still perfect-looking nonetheless. Her hair, despite having mud splattered all over it, was still shiny, silky and bouncy as ever. And as she flipped her hair, the dark forest seemingly brightened up.

_Wow… she's the new fairy godmother of Pinocchio! Whoop-de-doo. Not to mention, Cinderella's new fairy who has breasts with the size of watermelons to boot and a body of a 2-D person._

"Who dares trespass into the Forest of Thorns to save the Princess from Enchanted Dominion?"

Eat-her-knee-tea turned around and saw a woman in a black-and-purple garb. She gasped. Her reddish-pink dress was lovely…

_This sentence is so irrelevant but I'm adding stuff. Her reddish-pink dress was so lovely that it scared the holy s-h-i-t out of the Heartless within the trees. And her stiletto heels were as high as her I.Q. Really! I gave Eat-her-knee-tea a major Mary Sue test and guess what she got! Any guesses? If so, can you guess how high are her heels? In meters?_

"Whoareyouandwhyareyoutalkingtome?"

_Huh? A whole bundle of wrapped up words? Maleficent, did you hear her? She made up a new language! Now what could we call it? Oh yeah! Whorish-Mary-Suise!_

"Huh? I know there are foolish brats who dare enter my domain but you are sounding rather pathetic right there."

The woman raised her hand and a raven unexpectedly swooped by pecking on Eat-her-knee-tea's head.

"Diablo, now's not feeding time yet. Her flesh has barely any taste. You might get poisoned as judging from her emaciated figure," Maleficent calls onto her pet bird that obediently goes over to perch on his mistress's hand.

"What's emaciated? Is that like a kind of food? I don't really like to eat, you know."

_Wow… is she just dumb or what! Emaciated is like really thin!_

"Ignorant child… you are wasting my time. Heartless, attack!"

At once, hundreds and millions of black creatures appear and surround Eat-her-knee-tea while Maleficent teleports away to attend to other business.

_Oh my Chain of Memories! So cute! So cute! Plush dolls, attack! HAHAHA!_

Suddenly, a Shadow Heartless jumps at Eat-her-knee-tea. The poor Mary Sue tried to take out her gun but it seems like she was too slow because the Heartless just knocked it out of her hand as soon as she held it.

"Uh-oh…"

However, as the Heartless is about to kill her, a key-like blade goes through its chest, killing it.

_Plushie go boom! No! No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen! That silly boy! I told him to come by the next chapter. Eat-her-knee-tea was supposed to get a major ass-whooping time with the plushies!_

"You okay there?" a boy with silver hair asks her before helping her up.

"Wow… you're cute," she said hotly.

_Oh no! Here we go again with the "hotly"!_

"What are you doing? You do know I'm already taken, right?" The boy backs off.

_YAOI ALERT! YAOI ALERT! Don't like SoRiku, don't read!_

He shows Eat-her-knee-tea a picture of a brown-haired boy with a wide innocent smile on his face.

"You like… Sora?" And she immediately had a nosebleed.

_Well, yeah! You know the cutscene where Sora cries over Riku to come back. It was supposed to be canon, lady! Besides, if I had a friend who was like Riku, I would go look for him but not cry so badly for him to come back! He's my friend and I respect the decision he makes… I think I'm ranting again! Stupid me!_

Then, the Mary Sue ran away, leaving Riku extremely puzzled why she had that horrified reaction.

Sora then appeared behind Riku.

_Yeah, I pulled him out of my hat and placed him there. Cool magic trick huh? Want me to teach the rest of you? HAHAHA!_

"Hey, Riku! What's up?"

"Not much except some weird girl was running because I said I liked you."

"Really? Wasn't it in the game or something?"

"Nope. Disney shot it down because it wasn't good for kiddies who played the game."

_Gasp! Really! Major gasp! "Oxygen tanks are low"? Uh-oh… time to refill! I want to make her bloat up like she's suffering from Mary-Sue-itis. Yes, the suffix "-itis" means "inflammation"._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

**Larxene: **Nice one, S. S. I didn't know Riku was gay! This story is really getting interesting.

**S. S.: **Didn't you guys like talk about it the last chapter?

**Demyx: **Who cares? We're here now so get out! It's Demyx Time!

**S.S.: **I'm the narrator here. I let you guys play around last time! And I didn't get mad even if you guys talked behind my back.

**Zexion: **Sorry?

**Marluxia: **You're just another human. Why should we apologize to you?

**S. S.: **Because with the mighty power of my keyboard, I can make you guys say stuff you don't like.

**Joker: **Hey, sonny boy! Want a joke? A killer joke?

**S. S.: **Why are you here? You're supposed to be in a Batman fanfic!

**Joker: **Looks like someone threw me out of the house! Besides, I'm hunting those people who support little Batsy!

**S. S.: **Get out of here! Just go! This is my Kingdom Hearts fanfic! Leave! Or else!

**Joker: **Why so serious, sonny boy? Is this a way to treat a clown?

**S. S.: **Oh look! It's Batman! Over there and he's having a blast with his guests at his mansion. Aren't you going to do something about it?

(Joker leaves.)

**S. S.: **Okay… now where were we?

(Demyx rocks out on his sitar.)

**Demyx: **Oooooh, sweet child of mine! Oh-oh-oh-oh, sweet love of mine!

**S. S.: **Demyx! I'd rather… (gasps) Larxene! What's that?

**Larxene: **Nothing really… but the proof of Demyx-Zexion!

(Demyx stops playing.)

**S. S.: **Wait, is that photo… taken here? Oh good heavens, hearts and munny! It's the apocalypse! Zexion and Demyx! Why?

**Marluxia:** (slaps S. S.) You're over reacting. That's just a stolen shot. And it's actually just Zexion hugging Demyx from last chapter.

**S. S.: **Oh. But you guys are so mean! I can't believe I liked you all in the first place.

**Zexion: **Don't blame us. Blame the staff in-charge of our character scripts. They're the one who made us act like this.

**S. S.: **(sniffle)

**Demyx: **(plays a song) Don't cry for me my Argentina!

**S. S.: **I'm not a girl! Geez, anyways… as I was saying, vote some more people! We need more votes because next chapter we kill Eat-her-knee-tea!

**Larxene: **(tosses Zexion-Demyx picture away) Who wouldn't? She killed me with a gun! Marluxia and Xemnas too! Not to mention, Sephiroth!

**Marluxia: **Yeah. Of all the characters, it would be the four of us. Who hates us, I mean? Everybody loves us, right?

**S. S.: **Yeah! I love you guys! Hug?

**Larxene, Marluxia, Demyx and Zexion: **Huh? Okay… (hugs S. S.)

**S. S.: **Next up, we have…

**Demyx: **More me!

**S. S.: **Would you please just let me finish? I'm going to say something first!

**Demyx: **No! I want to sing more songs! It's Demyx Time!

**S. S.: **This means… Duel Time!

**Zexion: **Seriously? We're going to play Yu-Gi-Oh?

**S. S.: **No! But I bet you guys will lose if I pit you against Tifa, Cloud, Yuffie and Leon!

**Larxene, Marluxia, Demyx and Zexion: **Don't think so!

**S. S.: **Tifa can use Final Heaven, you know!

**Larxene: **So? I have Teleport Rush… and that beats everyone all the time!

**S. S.: **Okay… Yuffie has that shuriken thing!

**Marluxia: **Remember Whirlwind to the Void and Deathscythe?

**S. S.: **Umm… Leon shoots out fireballs?

**Demyx: **WAVE GIGS!!!

**S. S.: **You can't do that yet! Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days hasn't been released yet!

**Demyx: **I don't care! I will still be able to do it anyway.

**S. S.: **Fine… Cloud has Omnislash!

**Zexion: **Dark Punisher and Catastrophe? Not to mention, Meteor Mirage?

**S. S.: **Man! You guys are good. But… you're all my pets so if I want you guys to lose you have to lose! Mwahahaha!

(S. S. takes out a remote control and presses a button. All four Nobodies are shocked.)

**Zexion: **What's this? (feels something on his neck)

**S. S.: **Shock collars! I put them on you guys last night! And this would make you all more obedient!

**Larxene: **But how can it hurt me? My element's Lightning?

**S. S.: **Yours is a water-something collar. So you get short-circuited. Yey! I have Nobodies for pets! (catches all four in a bear hug.)

**Larxene, Marluxia, Demyx and Zexion: **Get off us! You're squeezing us to death!

**S. S.: **My pets! So adorable! So cute! So cuddly!

(Larxene, Marluxia, Demyx and Zexion wriggle out of S. S.'s hug.)

**S. S.: **You guys must be hungry! Let's make you a nice decent meal with chicken, beef, broccoli, asparagus, mushrooms and garlic!

**Larxene, Marluxia, Demyx and Zexion: **(run away) Oh my Kingdom Hearts, this dude's evil!

**S. S.: **Pets are being very naughty. Well, see you guys next time. I have pets to feed. Come back, my pretties! Let me fill your empty bellies with savory meat!


	6. RANDOM EVENT SCORES!

**S. S.: **Hi, everyone! Now for today's Author's Note… rather Author's Conversation with his Characters, I have my fifth and sixth favorite Nobodies with me! (claps) Say hello to Xemnas-y and Saix-y!

**Xemnas: **Hello.

**Saix: **Hello.

**Xemnas: **Hey… why'd you say my name like Ecstasy? I'm not a drug.

**Saix: **You murdered our names!

**S. S.: **Chill, guys. Relax… uhhh… anyways, (looks at audience) hey guys! Sorry I was ranting about how Sora and Riku should have been canon. Hehe. Well, yeah I know it isn't. But if you think about it, Kairi was kidnapped and Sora didn't cry for her even when she was gone or he found her. But Riku gave in to darkness willingly and Sora cried for him to come back. I mean like, he didn't cry for Kairi when he realized she was gone but he cried for Riku when he was gone. Does that make any sense to you guys that he "loves" Kairi? I don't think so. "I looked everywhere for you!"Didn't he also look everywhere for Kairi? It's just perfectly unnatural to say he loves Kairi more than Riku. SERIOUSLY!

**Xemnas: **You're ranting again.

**S. S.: **Shut up! I'm trying to make my point here. Sora is just either falling for Riku or he doesn't like Kairi that much. Yeah, I think for yaoi fans the first is right. For non-yaoi fans, they'd go for the second. But I have a feeling that Sora and Riku is… supposed to be canon! Really!

**Saix: **Who cares? It's the same thing. Sora and Kairi or Sora and Riku. They still live happily ever after.

**S. S.: **Yeah, right! It's like Axel-Roxas and you-Xemnas! And all of you can still live happily ever after.

**Xemnas: **Why ought to make you disappear!

**S.S.: **Never mind… so Saix, what were you doing the past few hours with Xemnas?

**Saix: **Massaging Master to keep him calm. Why?

**S. S.: **Oh, nothing. Did you Massage The Sausage (So-Sahj)? (snickers)

**Saix: **What's that supposed to mean? (realizes the "hidden" meaning) Hey! I'm not in a boy-boy relationship with Master Xemnas!

**S. S.: **Sure… but I wasn't referring to Xemnas's "sausage"… or yours or Axel's or anybody's "sausage". I totally asked whether you picked up a sausage that belongs to Xemnas, the hotdog kind, and squeezed it or something! I'm not that dirty-minded. Besides, this is just one of those cheesy jokes I made up when I was Fourth Year High School!

**Saix: **Oh.

**S. S.: **Anyways, moving on… all the attacks listed in the previous chapter can be found in KingdomHearts. Wikia. Com. Just take out the spaces. I didn't make them up. (grins) Anyways, on to Eat-her-knee-tea's demise! Muhahaha!

**Xemnas: **Do I kill her?

**S. S.: **No. No one voted for you… but Random Event wins! Weeee!

**Saix: **You're changing the next set of options! Only AkuDemyfan voted for me.

**S. S.: **Fine… I was hoping I'd only be typing one set of options for this fic. Sheesh! Such bossy little characters you guys are! (turns to audience) I know I am not much of a writer and my experiences of bashing Mary Sues are really microscopic so please bear with me!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

It was dark. Yes, it was very dark. No… it was only night time. Just dim.

It had been a mistake that she went running away after that HAWT guy went up to her and saved her life from those OWFUL dork creatures. Well, it had been her instinct to run away from homosexual guys but this one had been totally HAWT!

**This is Xemnas, commenting in bold. I chose bold because I am cool! Sound Slayer's not going to be commenting since he's busy thinking up of other options. Anyway, is she just an idiot or what? Hot is spelled with H-O-T! If she can't spell it, I doubt she can spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious right. And Riku is not hot! I am way better-looking than that boy. And what's with OWFUL? Did someone hit her head? I hope so!**

_Saix here. Helping Master Xemnas. Yeah, she's an idiot. An ever bigger moron than Sora. I hope somebody thwacks her with a giant mallet this chapter._

Now, Eat-her-knee-tea was alone… in the rain. It had been raining all this time and she doesn't know where she's headed to.

**She's headed to her doom! Death to Eat-her-knee-tea!**

_I hope she dies a bloody death!_

Suddenly, somebody grabbed on to her stick-like arm.

She squealed like a pig! And she flailed her arms around like an orangutan. Not only that, she also started jumping up and down like psychotic marshmallow.

**She must be an animal then. And what's a psychotic marshmallow? I know some people think I'm psychotic for trying to rule the Kingdom Hearts universe. But how can a marshmallow be psychotic?**

_Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic. Got my blueprint, it's symphonic. Half psychotic, sick, hypnotic. Got my blueprint, it's electronic. Is she being overloaded with alcohol or something? I'm not this crazy even when I'm under the influence of Kingdom Hearts which was like being overdosed with a powerful stimulant._

After seeing a cloaked figure still clutching onto her, Eat-her-knee-tea tried to wriggle out of this person's grip but it was no use. He was too strong.

**Duh! Eat-her-knee-tea's like a stick with bowling balls for boobs. She probably can't even escape from a kindergartener's grasp.**

_I agree with Master Xemnas. Eat-her-knee-tea probably can't even get through a one-foot wide opening because her boobs can't fit!_

"What do you want?" she asked sexily while batting her eyelashes at this mysterious figure.

**Oh come on. Just because you can't get out of his grasp doesn't mean you now have to flirt with him. This is sick! Is she this desperate to be screwed?**

_I don't know, Master. She is being awfully whorish here. I mean, who asks sexily and bats their eyelashes while talking to someone they barely knew? She's definitely one of those sl*ts one can pick up from some cheap streets._

The figure took off his cloak and revealed himself as Infinity. He was a fair-skinned man with brown hair. He had the attire of a prince on and was he looking sharp!

**Uhh… I think Sound Slayer placed another Sue or Stu here. So Stu kills Sue… perfect. And I was hoping Random Event was really exciting.**

_I agree with Master. This is just so stupid. A Stu who kills the Sue. Perfectly pointless._

"Wow! You are looking… really handsome there." Eat-her-knee-tea puts her face close enough to Infinity so that she can really gaze into his eyes of perfect blue.

"I know… I was looking for my true love all this time. And I think it's you!" Infinity embraces Eat-her-knee-tea.

**Love at first sight? Has anybody got a hatchet? Let's kill those two idiots with a hatchet!**

_For the love of Kingdom Hearts and all that is nothing, not another mushy but stupid romantic moment! Hey, wait… a hatchet!_

"Know what? You should take this." Infinity places something in Eat-her-knee-tea's hands.

"What's this?" she asks hotly.

"It's a medicine to make you even look more beautiful!" he answers sexily.

"What? Are you saying I'm ugly?" Eat-her-knee-tea screamed, outraged.

**Well, it's about time people realized just how unappealing she is! I mean, come on! Look at her! She's just awful!**

_Wow! It's probably the first time that her Sue-ness has been noticed by a fellow fictional character! It's a miracle!_

"No, I'm not saying you're ugly," he protested, "I'm just saying that if you drink that pill, you'll become the fairest of them all in this entire fanfiction universe!"

"Really?" Her eyes widened.

Then, she immediately put the pill in her mouth and swallowed it.

"So? Am I beautiful now?" she asks sexily. "Am I? Am I?"

Then, unexpectedly, her breasts began to flatten. A mustache appeared on her face. Her skinny figure disappeared and was instead replaced with a hilariously obese body.

"What is happening to me?" She put her hands on her face as she creamed in a very deep, masculine voice.

**Deflating breasts? I knew she was wearing balloons on her brassier! HAH!**

_Mustache? Is she a man-lady? Oh Berserkers and Assassins! She's obese! Imagine her being obese! Unnaturally obese!_

Enraged, he/she went over to Infinity and tried to choke him to death.

But Infinity managed to scream, although broken up with gasps for air, "Officer… under… attack! Archers, take… out… the… attacker!"

"Huh?" Eat-her-knee-tea stopped choking him the moment he completed his sentence.

He/She looked around and there were several people in medieval outfits with bows and arrows and torches. They all surrounded her/him and were ready to fire their arrows.

**Hey, wait. Those figures look very familiar.**

_Yeah, Superior. They certainly do. Weren't we just wearing those outfits this morning?_

But before the archers can turn Eat-her-knee-tea into a shish kebob, he/she was struck by an anvil that fell from the sky, crushing his/her thick skull with an unbelievably tiny brain.

Infinity and his men shouted, "Die Eat-her-knee-tea!"

And he/she died.

Then, Infinity took off his disguise, revealing Zexion! The other men took off their clothing too and were seen to be the other members of the Organization.

They were all able to assume different forms, thanks to Zexion's illusion powers.

**This story is so messed up. I'm going to talk to Sound Slayer about this. This wasn't even a Random Event… except for the sudden drop of the anvil. No fair.**

_Yes, Superior. It's so unfair. No wonder the last few parts were so familiar. They were actually us attacking Eat-her-knee-tea. And why does an anvil mysteriously just drop out from nowhere? This Random Event is just so random…_

Yey! She… or he is dead! Hallelujah! Kingdom Hearts is saved!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

**S. S.: **Hey, guys! I'm back! Uhh… why are you two looking at me like that?

**Xemnas: **It's not fair. So it was her whom we have been attacking this morning.

**S. S.: **Uh… yeah?

**Saix: **Why didn't you let us kill her? It was nearly our kill!

**S. S.: **Random Event won! Don't kill me! I'm not a Sue or a Stu! Mercy on my life! Oh, but you can turn me into a Nobody. I wouldn't mind.

**Xemnas: **Inexcusable! You should have let us killed her! Or him… whichever!

**S. S.: **No! I made a promise that the option with the highest vote gets to be the one that kills the Sue.

**Saix: **But you made Zexion Infinity!

**S. S.: **I ran out of ideas and I was palpitating!

**Xemnas: **How smart…

**Saix: **Brilliant.

**S. S.: **Err… at least she's dead because of a flying anvil!

**Saix: **That was stupid. We should have turned her into a shuttlecock! Or at least you should've made her explode.

**S. S.: **Saix, Massage the Sausage (so-sahj)! (laughs) Saix massages sausages (so-sahjes)!

**Saix: **(takes out claymore)

**S. S.: **Uh-oh. Anyways, thanks for voting guys. Now we need a new Sue! Donate one or else I'm going to get killed!

**Xemnas: **Yes, you will! Stupid mortal!

**S. S.: **Well, (gulps) see you next time! If I still live. I think I'm changing the title to "When KH Characters Attack"! Okay, over and out! Or if you want Eat-her-knee-tea to die again, just PM or vote… whatever! Okay, now I'm running for my freaking life!

(Screams in the background.)


	7. A Silly Pointless Update! Silly Me!

Hey, dudes. S. S. is back. Xemnas and Saix nearly had me there. No, this isn't the chapter where I finally introduce you guys to a new Sue. But look at the bright side, I found two new Sues but I'm asking permission from another author who is making a parody of the Suethors' fic.

Anyways, feel free to look at my other crap because it might take a while before I find Sues to bash. That all right with you guys?

Moving on, I don't normally do this here but since I love you all from the very bottom of my hypothalamus here are some stuff you need to know starting from this chapter.

1. I write yaoi! But only until kissing scenes, I don't like illustrating sex scenes because I'm not ready for it yet. Besides, I find sex scenes particularly disturbing so I might be actually asexual than straight. Get my point? (chuckles) I normally don't do yuri because I don't know what to do with two girls who are in a relationship with each other.

So don't go gasping for air later on when I suddenly make a Sue explode after seeing Axel and Roxas or some other third thing make out in front of her.

2. Despite my natural niceness, I can be heartlessly cruel. Yes, I am cruel. Rate me from a scale on one to ten. I'd probably be just a little bit lower than Larxene. I can never beat my idol. (laughs)

I know… I'm like a harmless Demyx on the outside but I'm like huge pain-in-the-*ss like Larxene. Hard to believe, huh? But no worries, I'm nice to all those who deserve to be treated nicely. You all deserve to be treated nicely, right? (chuckles)

3. I never played KINGDOM HEARTS! So don't have a heart attack when I suddenly make Riku go OOC because I only played like the first five minutes of the first game and that was that. Although… I do my research so I can write good fics.

I do want to play the games though but I doubt I would want to beat the crap out of Larxene. So yeah, I may probably just leave the PS2 on during Larxene's fight and make her beat up Sora with her Blade Storm or her Mega Volt.

4. I am looking for advice to improve in my story-writing skills because I want to be an author someday. Or at least write something for my life. Yeah, and other than that, I could probably work alongside Tetsuya Nomura for a Kingdom Hearts sequel… oh heck, I'd faint if that happened! And he'll probably fire me for not doing anything on my first day of collaborating with him.

Besides, he might strangle me for canonizing Riku x Sora! (laughs) And not only that, Disney would probably kick my sorry butt for doing that too. So there we go. Four things.

Okay, here's the chapter. It's nothing really but a silly shortie. Maybe I'll post it on my other fic too.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The air was soothing. Tasting like the salty sea. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore was just so pleasing to hear.

Oh how Sora missed it!

All those years away from Destiny Islands.

Well, he was back now. Beside him was his best friend Riku lying down on his back admiring the crimson-streaked sunset sky.

It had been so long since they've been together. And now was the perfect moment…

"Riku," Sora called to the silver-haired lad as he sat up.

His friend looked at him. "What is it, Sora?"

The brunette smiled at Riku. "Remember how we both used to compete for Kairi?"

Riku nodded. "What are you trying to say, Sora?"

"I don't know… but when I look back at those times before this 'whole thing' happened, it's just so weird why among all the kids on this islands it would have to be the three of us who saved the entire Kingdom Hearts universe…" Sora put his left arm at the back of his head and lay down again on the cool beach sand.

"I don't see anything wrong with that. It had been fun, right? You know, seeing what it was that lay beyond the horizon, fighting Heartless and Nobodies, and saving worlds was really much more than the adventure I had been hoping for. But I was glad that I was a chosen one."

"I know it was fun and exciting and all saving stuff and people. But it had been a little rough too…" Sora answered.

"Let me guess, as much as you wanted to go save Kairi, you didn't want to get hurt on the way?" Riku was confused, having no exact idea about what Sora was trying to convey.

"It wasn't about saving Kairi," Sora told Riku with a tone of sadness in his voice.

"Then, what was it? Tell me…" Riku sat up and put his face just above Sora's.

"It… was…" Sora gazed into Riku's eyes and was sucked into the enchanting green irises of his friend.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

HAH! I cut it!

Well, if you want the full version of this shortie, just PM me and I'll send it to you. Anyways, this wasn't a real chapter so I don't think it matters. But if it does so much to you guys. I'll post it on a different fic.

It's not supposed to be here anyway. Ahahaha…

So yeah, see you next update!


	8. Our Second Sue

Hello! Me is back now! *giggles* Has anyone listened to Holy Thunderforce by Rhapsody? I find it very pleasing to listen to when I have to formulate evil thoughts.

Sorry about the last chapter. I shouldn't have put it there. *sheepish grin* Yes! Marluxia and Larxene! I like them… too much! *laughs* Yes! Hard to believe, huh? A lot of people hate them and here comes me saying "Oh my gosh! Marluxia and Larxene rock!" Have you guys watched the "Larxene Data… Invisible Marluxia" video in youtube? It was so cool… even if it was a hacked battle. You guys should watch it.

I mean, Larxene and Marluxia got style points! *laughs* See how they teleport or do their warping or something? It's just so… amazing and cool. Their attacks and their laughs? Oh come on! You got to give them more credit for that! It's hard to find good-looking sadistic villains who do the fighting, talking and acting right! *pauses* Okay… maybe that was a little biased but you got to watch the video! It's totally mind-boggling and epic! Go Marly's counter and Larxy's deranged clones!

Anyways, I have found three new Sues but I will pick them off one by one. Okay? And the next chapter will be option time again! Yes! Who wants new options? Everyone does! Err… right?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

On the damp, dark streets of The World That Never Was, a girl suddenly showed up in a black Organization cloak. She was holding a keyblade and was walking towards The Castle That Never Was. Her hood was up so one couldn't really tell who she really was. Whether she was Xion or a crappy Mary Sue again.

_Yes! Mary Sue alert! Keep yer eyes peeled, mates! Cap'n Jack Sparrow is here… no wait. It's just me. Hehe._

"This must be it. The Castle That Never Was… the only proof that the Organization XIII has existed," she said as she looked up at the unusual-looking citadel.

The castle was giving off an eerie glow as the light of Kingdom Hearts shone on it. The girl stared at it for nearly an eternity as she couldn't believe she was standing in front of that massive fortress.

_Oh just do something already! God! It's like I want to kill you personally or send my OCs to kill you!_

Then, she took another step when she was stopped by two hooded figures.

"Who dares to get in the castle aside from the Nobodies of Organization XIII?" one of them asked her, summoning up his weapon in the process and placing the girl at gunpoint simultaneously.

"Yo… Yo… Yoko Kitty Diamond Usagi Yuna Mississippi April May June Ono," she stammered.

_Huh? Wow… it beats supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in the list of all things long and crazy. Except this time I don't mean it to be in a nice way._

"Lower your weapon, Xigbar. It's probably a potential human to be devoured by darkness in order to serve the Organization," the other man told his companion as he let down his hood, revealing an X-shaped scar on his face.

Xigbar did the same although reluctant of even interacting with the girl in a cordial manner. He was just going to Saix to that.

"Err… I thought you guys were already dead."

At once, the peaceful demeanor of Saix disappeared and on his face was a rather crazed murderous look.

"What was that you said, little girl?" He took out his claymore and brandished it in the air before slamming it on the ground, releasing a powerful shockwave that knocked the Sue backwards.

"I told you that she was up to no good," Xigbar told the blue-haired Nobody. He then turned to the girl. "This is the fanfiction universe, lady! Whatever happened in the games have the possibility of being disregarded here! And luckily, our author here had revived us from the Otherworld. Now… we're going to eliminate you for saying that we should have been dead!"

Suddenly, five more Nobodies appeared behind Xigbar. The Sue stood up and squinted her eyes to better see the men approaching.

"Did somebody say elimination? Can I play with her?" a blonde female said teasingly. "Just for a while before I snap her neck!"

Xigbar grunted, "Well, I'm out of here. You guys have a way different idea of fun than me." Then, he disappeared into his Corridor of Darkness.

"Party time? Please tell me it's a birthday party that we're going to be celebrating on the next chapter!" the guy with a blonde mullet exclaimed. "I love parties! I'll be in charge of the music!"

"Silence, Dem-Dem! Axel's going to give his lines along with his favorite catchphrase," the shortest one of them shushed Demyx up. "So be quiet. You know cranky fan girls get when Axel doesn't appear in a fic."

"Awwww… but Zexy."

"Keep it quiet, Dem-Dem. You can party all you like after we finish that girl off!" Zexion pointed at Kitty.

"So, we have an intruder. What's your name?" the redhead asked.

"Yoko Kitty Diamond Usagi Yuna Mississippi April May June Ono." She looked at Axel's face and shuddered as he took out his chakrams.

_Yes! Kill her! Her name's getting annoying to type. Can someone ask for her nicky?_

"Run that by me again. I didn't get a single word you said." Demyx's face was filled up with question marks as the musician scratched his head.

Larxene slapped her forehead with her hand. "You know what? We should just ask her for her nickname since SOMEONE didn't get her name." Then, she muttered under her breath, "Next time, we're going to make him read a whole dictionary before coming here… or at least make him listen to how American people speak."

"Good idea, Larxene." Axel turned to face the girl in a black cloak.

But before he could say anything, Saix came rushing at her, swinging his claymore wildly at her. Fortunately for the girl, an overgrowth of vines erupted from the ground under Saix and restrained him. And he would remain that way until his madness had completely subsided.

_What! No killing?_

"Do you have a shorter name?" the pink-haired man asked the girl. "Something that wouldn't take five minutes to say… hopefully."

The girl thought for a while. And after what seemed to be like an eternity, she finally spoke up. The rest of the Nobodies sighed in relief except for Saix who was still struggling in the mesh of vines that Marluxia had restrained him in.

"You can call me Kat!" the girl answered cheerily.

"Cat? As in the animal best described with the word 'feline'?" Zexion didn't seem to like the girl very much which was the very reason he countered with that witty statement.

"Oh. So this girl's a cat? Cool! I always wanted to have a pet!" Demyx ran toward to the girl who was entirely caught in surprise with his words.

"Kat? Never heard of that name before…" Axel trailed off.

_Stay away from the Sue, Demyx! Don't you dare touch her! I'm sick of her already! Okay, here comes the death portion!_

"Who said that?" Axel looked around.

Demyx stopped. "Who said what, Axel?"

_Me, you dolt! Over here!_

"Where are you then? I don't see you."

_Never mind. Anyways, death to the Sue!_

A huge shockwave then struck the grounds of The World That Never Was, all of them were knocked onto the floor. Again, Saix was exempted from this as he was still entangled by Marluxia's vines.

Then, the ground slowly began to crack underneath Kat and in a moment she was swallowed up by the bowels of the earth. After which, the fissure sealed itself.

_**Reader: **__Hey! Didn't you promise us that we'd be the ones doing the killing? I mean, by our votes, you know. This is a free country! Me and the rest of the readers are so going to charge you with fraud!_

_Huh? Fine… grr… so she lives… for now._

_**Reader: **__Yes! Go democracy and America!_

_Hey! I don't live in America, you idiot! But never mind where I am… and now, on to the freaking Sue and her crappy story. Uuurgh…_

Elsewhere in the Kingdom Hearts universe, the same girl in a black cloak appeared in Enchanted Dominion. She was sprawling on the cold floor of the castle. Suddenly, she began to stir and then she slowly sat up.

She looked up. Before her was a woman in a black-and-purple grab holding a scepter, staring at her expressionlessly. She had been walking around the desolate castle until she happened across the girl minutes ago. Perched on the woman's right shoulder was a raven staring at the girl intently. And the two eyed the unfamiliar intruder curiously.

"Who dares trespass into my dominion? You wretched one, are you one of those keyblade masters?" the woman asked in a booming voice as she pointed at Kat with her bony index finger.

"Maleficent? Auntie?"

"Auntie?" the sorceress scoffed. "I have no niece. And I sense that you have the power to wield a keyblade. Correct?"

The girl backed up some more as Maleficent seemed even more intimidating now, approaching the girl with a menacing glare.

"You silly keyblade trespasser… I'm going to finish you off as excruciatingly painful as possible. From the moment on that the little silver-haired brat turned on me with his keyblade, I learned that keyblade must be destroyed so the worlds can finally collapse into darkness." The witch cackled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*

So how was that for a new Sue? Well, I need comments on how I can make this story or fic whatever better. Or more interesting or whatever… okay?

I was supposed to upload this yesterday except I had been stranded at my aunt's house because of the flooding of Manila. Yes… Manila was flooded yesterday. Hehehe. If you don't believe me, check out the news.

Anyways, my whacked out SoraXRiku shorty from last chapter has already been transcribed into my other fic. If I remember correctly, it's "And Really Random Was Not The Right Word." Please review it…

I'm really shameless… for asking reviews. But yeah, I'm going to ask anyways. REVIEW! HAHAHA…

And no! Don't compare me with Britney or make fun of her! She's actually a good singer. But no, I don't idolize her but she still has talent. Britney came before a lot of singers right now, you know. Well… enough with ranting about Britney and Manila.

Next chapter, I'll be putting up the new options. So expect an update about somewhere this week! Screw college because my break is near! WAHAHAHAHA! Okay, see ya! And hope that I'm in a really evil mood when I'm going to write the Sue's death. Why? You'll find out. Ciao! Hehe… oooo, I just something in Italian!

*a brick is thrown at S. S.* Okay… fine. The end of chapter. Happy?

_**Reader: **__Hey! Where's Demyx? I thought he's supposed to be singing now?_


	9. Option Time 2!

Hey, there! I'm back and at them again! Haha. So you like the video? Awesome, huh? And somebody finally got the fact that the Nobodies danced "All the Single Ladies". Yes! Five points for my happiness. Still isn't enough though because right now... I'm in an EXTREMELY foul mood.

**Larxene: **Hey! That's my line.

It was your line. Now it's mine because I just said it.

**Larxene: **But...

I have the keyboard! Do you want me to make you say something absolutely crazy and unbelievable.

**Larxene: **Fine... (warps away)

Now then, where was I? Oh right. Option time? Yes! Of course. I got a new set of options for you guys. And then... for the Author's Conversation, I have dragged in one of my favourite antagonists from Pokemon who is often criticized as a fool just because most Pokemon fans think that they're way sexier than she is. But nope, they're wrong. When it comes to glamour, sophistication, style and Pokemon, Cipher Admin Venus takes the cake!

**Venus: **Why, hello there, people! It has been a long time since I've been on air after I was captured by that Snagem brat. The last telecast where I starred in was the 47th episode of Under Time which was filmed nearly a year ago.

Well, Lady Venus, tell the people about yourself and why they should idolize you some more.

**Venus: **Only three words. I'm your Venus! (does a pose)

Very good. You do know that I'm going to be hiring you as one of the main stars in my next project, yes?

**Venus: **Really? Well, I better go now. I still have to practice my skills and hope that long time I spent behind bars didn't wither away my fighting and acting skills. (skips off)

Okay, so there we have it. Lady Venus! Now then, we are about to proceed with the funky fresh options...

Anyways, moving on to the Edelweiss... I mean the options. (sheepish grin) Only titles of their attacks this time. I made them up. No descriptions because it's a surprise! (laughs)

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Options for the Mary Sue's Death**

**1. Xemnas. **Undisputable Brink of Nonexistence.

**2. Xigbar. **Shootout in a Different Dimension.

**3. Xaldin. **Piercing Javelins of the Typhoon.

**4. Vexen. **Eternal Cryonic Theory.

**5. Lexaeus. **Golem's Resolute Champion.

**6. Zexion. **Concealed Phantasmagoria of Nightmares.

**7. Saix. **Descent of the Lunar Deities.

**8. Axel. **Ephemeral Waltz to Ashes.

**9. Demyx. **Cascading Sonata of the Deluge.

**10. Luxord. **Decisive Games with Destiny.

**11. Marluxia. **Tender Slashes Among the Flowers.

**12. Larxene. **Storm of Vindictive Beauty.

**13. Roxas.** RighteousHerald of the Valkyries.

**14. Xion. **Another Tragic Memory.

**15. Entire Organization XIII. **Unity Amidst Diversity.

**16. Random Disney Villain.**

**17. **(Option Disabled. Time Left Until Option is Usable Again: After 16 more Sues)

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Xemnas: **What's with my attack? It sounds beyond meaninglessly dramatic.

Well, aren't you dramatic too? Besides, I've chosen the words to best fit your elements and your title. And it sounds even more dramatic than I thought it would be.

**Xemnas: **You think too much.

What? I actually like your new attacks. They sound cool and just amazing. It makes me tingle about thinking what you guys are actually going to do when you use them.

**Vexen: **Is this an experiment on us?

Err... nope. It's more like a showcase of all your talents. Vexen's got talent!

**Vexen: **Now that's more I like it.

**Roxas: **Why does my attack have Valkyries in them?

Dude, they're associated with the Light. And so are you! So yes, I took it from Norse mythology. I wanted to put Dance of the Valkyries but you don't dance.

**Roxas: **I do dance! Just you watch!

Here we go again...

**Roxas: **(grabs Axel) Here's the tango.

Moving on while those two dance their way to prove themselves... the options...

**Larxene: **Hey! Why is my attack called "Storm of Vindictive Beauty"?

Hello? Your title? Savage Nymph. Your element? Lightning. That's why we have Storm and Vindictive Beauty. Sheesh!

**Demyx: **I like mine! It sounds cool!

Sure it does. Sonata is a totally enticing word. And so is Deluge!

**Demyx: **Yeay me!

**Xion: **Why does my attack sound so short?

It fits you... not because you're short but your story is kind of tragic and you were only your memory... no one else's so I figured it would work.

**Xion: **(cynical glare)

Anyways, the options...

**Xigbar: **Shootout! (blasts wall with his Gun Arrows)

Xigbar! Quit it! Go play outside.

**Xigbar: **No way, kiddo. I'm doing my shooting here. (continues blasting with his Gun Arrows) Besides, who are you to command me?

Xigbar, OUT!

**Xigbar: **Fine... if you insist, kiddo.

**Xaldin: **My attack sounds lame. What have you done with it?

It's not lame. Dude, it has typhoon. It's not lame!

**Xaldin: **Oh, for a second, I thought I was going to be using the Eternal Cryonic Theory. Okay, I agree now. My attack sounds cool.

**Vexen: **How dare, you insolent fool, insult my attack! I find it quite right for me.

**Xaldin: **It is fitting... for an old man like you!

**Vexen: **Why I ought to teach you a lesson that should have been taught to you since elementary! (summons shield) Never disrespect your elders!

**Xaldin: **Bring it on, teacher! (summons lances)

**Vexen: **Very well... I shall take you on!

Okay, so while these two try and fail to kill each other, I'm going to...

**Saix: **Why does mine sound very faerie-ish? Like those you would encounter in medieval stories about nixies and mermaids.

Hey! I actually thought it was rather nice. And actually, I find it very mysterious. Don't you like being mysterious, Saix? Besides, I have a pretty good intuition people will vote for you this time.

**Saix: **(mutters) I have a feeling that no one would vote for me this time.

What was that?

**Saix: **Oh nothing.

**Luxord: **But wait, sire. Surely, you mustn't continue 'til the viewers have all seen a satisfying game of me and my old mate Saix here playing poker.

Err... sure? Better not be strip poker because I will then have to run for my freaking innocent eyes! And the viewers' eyes are rather innocent too so don't corrupt them!

**Luxord: **Carry on then. Saix and I... where's Saix?

You mean the Sausage-Masseuse? He's probably giving Xemnas a backrub. Teehee. Massage the Sausage... oh that kills me every time.

**Lexaeus: **...

What! Isn't it funny?

**Lexaeus: **...

Never mind. Then it's not funny.

**Lexaeus: **...

**Luxord: **Well, I'm out of here. Cheerio! (leaves)

Darn it. He's not laughing! Can somebody tell Lexaeus here a joke or something? I can't get even a giggle or a muffled fit of laughter from him.

**Zexion: **You should brush up with your jokes then by reading.

And just why do you think that works?

**Zexion: **Let's just say I know my comrades more than you do.

Great... so you're saying I barely know anything?

**Zexion: **When it comes to making people laugh... yes.

I'm a good comedian, you know... well, at least I think I am. Or well, at least people laugh at what I say.

**Zexion: **Give me one good reason why I should believe that.

F*ckerella! That's my invented word for those who want to live their lives like Snow White, Cinderella or any other Disney princess but they look terrible or they have terrible attitudes.

**Lexaeus: **(roars with laughter)

**Zexion: **Amazing... you made Lexaeus laugh.

**Lexaeus: **That's because we now have a... (roars with laughter) an insult to call Riku.

Wow... a new insult for Riku. Is he even a princess?

**Roxas: **Axel! Ouch! You're stepping on my foot!

**Axel: **Sorry, buddy. Didn't see your foot under the cloak.

**Lexaeus: **(still in his bout of laughter)

Never mind... anyways, as I was saying, I am a very good comedian although I didn't know why Lexaeus laughed that hard but ignore him. I am now going to further expound on the options...

**Roxas: **Hey! Are you even looking at me? I'm dancing over here and I'm doing fine.

Whatever, Roxas. You can dance all you want but it's not going to change a thing. Your attack name is final.

**Larxene: **Hmmm... What curious thing is this? (accidentally turns radio on)

**Radio: **"Within my heart are memories of perfect love that you gave to me. Oh I remember. When you are with me, I'm free. I'm careless, I believe. Above all the others, we'll fly. This brings tears to my eyes. My sacrifice…"

**Larxene: **Huh? What kind of song is this? (hits radio as she doesn't know how to use it)

**Marluxia: **Larxene, what are you doing?

**Larxene: **Marly, this thing… (points at radio) is whacked! And what kind of song is it playing? I don't like it very much!

**Vexen and Xaldin: **(still fighting with each other)

**Sora and Riku: **(suddenly appears and are sparring with their wooden swords)

Huh? What are you two doing here?

**Larxene: **(shifts attention to intruders) Yeah, what do you two think you're doing?

**Marluxia: **I thought this was a fic about the Organization XIII.

**Sora and Riku: **Nobodies! (pull out their keyblades)

Not now... err... Larxene, go get the dresses. Marluxia, the make-up. Now, Sora and Riku, if you don't get out now, I'll make you two dress up like ladies. You hear me?

**Sora: **But there are Nobodies on the loose.

I can just bash my head on the wall until my skull breaks and you still won't have any idea of what you're saying.

**Sora: **???

See what I mean?

**Riku: **Come on, Sora! Xemnas has to be here too.

Where do you two think you're going? Darn it! Time to unleash the Ultimate Weapon.

**Vexen and Xaldin: **(stop fighting) Weapon?

**Zexion: **Weapon? What weapon do you mean?

**Lexaeus: **(still laughing)

**Demyx: **A party?

Now, this is what I call a weapon, baby!

**Vexen: **Oh dear... it's a megaton amount of fangirl yaoi ideas! Run for your lives! (leaves)

**Xaldin: **Hey! We're not done yet! Come back here, old man! (chases after Vexen)

**Lexaeus: **???

**Zexion: **Come on, Lexaeus! Let's get going. (pulls Lexaeus and disappears into a Corridor with him)

**Demyx: **Yaoi? What's a yaoi?

It's the Yaoi-Obsessed Fangirls' Kingdom Hearts Ideas for Fanfiction Blaster! And I'm going to have to use against you two to make you guys leave!

**Sora: **That? That thing?

**Riku: **That thing's like a notebook.

**Sora and Riku: **(starts laughing)

Then again, you forced me to... huh?

**Larxene: **Got the dresses! They look lovely! (prances around with a Victorian dress on one hand and an Alice dress on the other)

**Marluxia: **What exactly is make-up again?

Never mind! Let's start shooting and forcing them to dress up. Ready?

**Marluxia and Larxene: **Ready! (Larxene tosses Victorian dress to Marluxia who catches it)

Demyx, you take in charge of the options' explanation.

**Demyx: **Okay! (salutes)

Don't make them flame this.

**Demyx: **(grins) Sure! Now where were we? (takes out a bunch of cue cards from his pocket) Mission against Sora? No. (throws away first cue card) Taking out Heartless in Coliseum? Nope. (throws away another cue card) Make a new song? Nope. (throws away yet another cue card)

Demyx! How long are you going to keep them waiting?

**Demyx: **Just a sec. (fumbles with the rest of the cue cards) Urgh... (starts picking them up one by one and throwing away the useless ones)

**Sora: **Nyaha! Can't catch me... OOF! (gets hit by Larxene)

**Larxene: **Gotcha! (puts dress on Sora) You were saying?

**Sora:** AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET THIS OFF ME! (starts running around like a headless chicken)

**Larxene: **(laughs maniacally)

**Lust: **(enters without notice and watches commotion)

**Demyx: **(scrambles for the last cue card) Got it! Okay... (starts reading cue card) it says here that one can vote for multiple options. And also, if there is a tie between any of the options, they will all be employed in killing the Sue.

**Riku: **Go away! (swings Soul Eater)

**Marluxia: **Why not? (blocks Soul Eater with his scythe) Larxene?

**Larxene: **(still laughing... this time hysterically)

Hold still while I hit you with this stupid idea! Larxene, quit your laughing and help us.

**Larxene: **Oh. Okay... (teleports)

**Demyx: **(turns cue card upside-down) Uhhh... I don't understand the rest of these so... (hides cue card) vote for me?

**Sora: **AHHHHH! GET THIS OFF ME! (bumps into Demyx)

Darn this silver-haired teenager! I've had enough of you! Now, I'm resulting to grappling!

**Xemnas: **(teleports in with a bathrobe) Bath time, my little lovely duckies!

**Everyone except Xemnas: **... (stops)

**Demyx: **(raises finger and opens his mouth but no sound comes out)

**Xemnas: **Whoops. Wrong room. (teleports away)

Oh my crap... that was so uncalled for...

**Larxene: **(jaw drop) Woah, didn't even see that one coming.

**Marluxia: **Totally. And we all thought he was gay for Saix.

**Xemnas: **(teleports in) I'm not gay for Saix.

**Marluxia: **Just saying not telling the truth. Sheesh, everyone takes me way too seriously. Can't I crack up a joke for just once?

Yeah... no! It's contradictory to your personality and how all fans view you!

**Marluxia: **(frowns) Fine...

**Xemnas: **(leaves)

Just one question... where's Axel and Roxas??? And Xion???

**Demyx: **Xion's off to defend herself from those who accuse her as a Sue. She is not a Sue! She's our friend.

**Sora: **More like he because she's supposed to be a replica of me.

**Larxene: **And now, you're a she! (points at Sora who's still wearing the dress)

**Sora: **GETIT OFF ME! (starts panicking again)

Oh, somebody hit me.

**Demyx: **(hits S. S. With his sitar)

Ouch! I meant the idiom not the real thing! DEMYX!

**Demyx: **Sorry. (sheepish grin)

Anyway, my other question is where's Axel and Roxas?

**Lust: **My guess is you wouldn't want to know.

Lust? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be on TV right now? It's nearly time for that Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood show.

**Lust: **I was killed a few episodes ago. I don't need to come back. Stupid animators always killing me off. (rolls eyes)

I see. Why don't you go somewhere else and kill Roy Mustang?

**Lust: **Good idea! (leaves)

And find a way to become human while at it! Now... where were we?

**Demyx: **Well, it's curtain call! (curtains fall slowly) Vote for me!

Demyx, you crazy musician!

**Reader: **Okay... I'm confused. Who said what?

Deal with it!

**Entire Organization XIII and Xion: **Vote for us!

Hey! The chapter's already done! Stop wasting airtime!

**Reader: **Everyone in this story is whacked...

_(Stolen Footage... Behind the Curtain)_

**Sora: **GET IT OFF... (trips on a weird rock that shouldn't have been there)

**Riku: **Sora?

**Larxene: **Take this, Blue Boy! (pushes Riku in front of Sora)

**Sora and Riku: **AAAAAHHHHH! (the two come in contact with each other's faces)

**Kairi: **(suddenly appears) Oh my goodness! And I thought SoRiku only happened in fanfiction! (faints)

**Larxene: **You got the photograph, Marly?

**Marluxia: **Sure did!

**Larxene: **Let's post it up on... what's that site again?

**Lust: **DeviantART.

**Larxene: **Shouldn't you be putting your fingernails into someone's head by now?

**Lust: **Right. (leaves... again)

_(End of Stolen Footage... Behind the Curtain)_

_(Thirteenth Reflection plays)_

**Larxene: **What?

**Demyx: **PARTAY! (a disco ball appears inexplicably in the centre of the room)

**Reader: **This story is messed up.... (face palms and presses the Close button on the Windows Internet Explorer)


	10. I'm Back, Peoples! Now Who Missed Us?

Hey, everyone! Missed me? Well, Sound Slayer is back. Unfortunately, this chapter could not be any funnier as I lost the chapter that I was supposed to post now. *sobs* Oh, anyway, I shall now enumerate my list of excuses before you all hit me with a sledgehammer, a mallet or decapitate me by running a metal wire through my neck or impale me Xaldin's lances or whack me with a bronze flute or shove a gunblade right in my mouth.

**Xaldin: **Why are my lances in your sentence?

**Tayuya: **And why did you say something about bronze flutes? You got something against woodwind instruments?

**Hei: **Metal wire? Isn't that my weapon?

**Leon: **And why is my gunblade mentioned?

Tayuya and Hei, what the heck are you two doing here? *points at Tayuya* Shouldn't you be in a Naruto fanfic by now? *points at Hei* And shouldn't you be in a Darker Than Black fanfic?

**Tayuya and Hei: **Sheesh. All right. *leaves*

Anyways, so as I was saying, I'm going to enumerate my excuses. Number One would be school because I just finished my finals, term paper and the fast track program's crap subjects that no one gives a sh*t about. Number Two, Facebook! I'm sorry. I go nuts over Farmville, Mafia Wars and Happy Aquarium. I don't know but they always manage to trick me into playing them instead of writing. Number Three, Naruto-Arena! Yes, this too tricks me. I feel so guilty. And last but not the least is Youtube! Man, all the videos there always trick me!

**Xaldin: **They should care... why?

Uhh... anyways, there are a couple of videos that I want you guys to see. Actually a lot of videos. Hehe... but I shall put them up later. For now... I shall start with the chapter... with the Sue! Okay? Have fun.

**Xaldin: **Do you hear that?

Hear what?

**Xaldin: **Noise! *points up*

**Leon: **Yeah... must be those hyper Nobodies in your organization.

**Xaldin: **Not my organization. Xemnas's.

Whatever... I'll check it out. *goes upstairs* Uhhh... why do I suddenly hear Pussycat Dolls on the boom box? Guys? Hello? Is anyone in my room? *knocks on door* Hmm... no one's answering. *pushes door open*

**Demyx, Axel and Roxas: "**Don't cha wish your boyfriend was hot like me. Don't cha wish your boyfriend was a Nobody. Don't cha. Don't cha, baby. Don't cha wish your boyfriend was raw like me. Don't cha wish your boyfriend was fun like me. Don't cha. Don't cha."

What the freaking infernal blazes are you guys singing?

**Demyx: ***hurriedly turns off the boom box* Nothing.

And why the flipping flapjacks are you singing Pussycat Dolls? There is no file in my iPod or any other gadget here that has a PCD song.

**Axel: **Umm...

Axel! Spit it out! You're the only responsible adult here so you better tell me why there was a PCD song blaring from the sound system.

**Axel: **But...

But what? And where do you think you're going, Roxas? *blocks Roxas from the door*

**Roxas: **I need to use the bathroom.

Well, I'm sorry, buster! Unless Axel can tell me why there was a PCD song playing, you're not going anywhere!

**Demyx: **Why does he have to explain again?

Number One, I can't have all of you messing around with my computer. Number Two, I'm just dumbfounded why you guys were playing it in the first place. Number Three, I need to know because I am the dictator in this fic. *evil laughter*

**Roxas: **You're evil!

Thank you… but hey! What is that? *points at an abominable poster tacked on the wall*

**Roxas: **I swear it wasn't me.

What the heck is wrong with you people? Pairing Vexen with any other Organization member is just… disturbing. *shudders* Hello? Vexen's more of the bachelor type of guy! And he'll stay that way because I said so.

**Axel: ***rolls eyes*

The only pairing I acknowledge in the Organization XIII is AkuRoku. Period!

**Demyx: **Awesome! You don't support Zemyx? Or XigDem? Or any pairing with me?

Uhh… why not, right? Besides, everyone knows Demyx of all the other people on the Organization is the least likely person to know a darn thing about romance. Next to Larxene and Marluxia, of course. Those two will never get tired of plotting to take over stuff. Anyways, who put that poster up there?

**Axel: **Not me…

Whatever… okay, guys. While we sort this one out, here's the chapter. Enjoy! Now, Roxas, where do you think you're going to be going in that? Come here, buster, and I'll give you a lesson why you shouldn't be stealing my clothes! We're not even the same size!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

In a near death state, the girl lay sprawling on the ground. The feel of the soft grass underneath her and the warm breeze gently caressing her… it was quite peculiar to how she shrugged off her injuries after being exposed to these environmental conditions within seconds. The sound of rustling leaves filled the air as the breeze came by once more. And then, the girl finally regained consciousness and sat up straight, wondering where she is.

She looked around and only saw a dense forest of trees. Aside from that, she could tell that every move that she makes here could trigger a sort of trap or something. Judging by the severe silence of the place, she could tell that someone or some people were observing her.

_Hold it! Hold it! What the heck is a Naruto setting doing here? And why is she in the Forest of Death? I thought we left her at the Enchanted Dominion._

(One Winged Angel starts playing)

The girl jumped back in shock as the booming sound of a familiar Final Fantasy battle theme is heard in the background and soon appeared a man with long silver hair and a seven-foot-long katana.

_Hey! Who invited Sephiroth?_

"Excuse me, mister." The girl gave Sephiroth a wide smile. "But do you have any idea where I am?"

"Listen, miss… uhh… kiddo. I even don't know where I am. I'm looking for a spiky-haired blonde with a huge sword. Seen him?" Sephiroth asked arrogantly.

_What the? Someone's messing with the time-space continuum!_

(The Extreme starts playing while One Winged Angel stops)

"Right you are," said a white-haired female in a red dress as she teleported in front of the girl. "Messing with time and space is a lot of fun."

"Excuse me. But who are you? And why do you butt in when Sephiroth and I were talking?" the girl asked the woman politely.

"You don't know who I am?" The woman flapped the two black wings on her back and started laughing. "I am Ultimecia, the Sorceress Fusilier, Mistress of Time and Space, the Villain of Final Fantasy VIII."

"Sorry, ma'am. Never heard of you before."

"What? Insolent child! Have you never played Final Fantasy VIII before? That was one of the best Final Fantasy games for Playstation 1!"

_Yeah! I should know because FFVIII did look awesome. And sad to say, not even FFIX matched FFVIII's awesomeness._

"Very well then. If I fight with you, maybe it will jog your memory back!" The Sorceress then started firing purple magical bolts at the girl who amazingly dodge-rolled every single bit of it despite not having any formal training in combat before.

"Huh? This is a Sue!" Sephiroth shouted out, now enraged due to the fact that there is a Sue in front of him. "And I kill and/or exterminate Sues!"

_Sephy, that just didn't quite match there. Oh, can I call you Seraph? It sounds cute-sy. *giggles*_

"Die, Sue!" Sephiroth started to execute his Octoslash.

"There's no running from this pain! Regret on it!" Ultimecia, on the other hand, summoned a field of energy shaped like a circle from the ground and sent it at the girl as well.

The girl continued to mystically evade both villains' attacks. And this made the two villains angry. Very angry, causing both of them to enter their EX Burst modes.

_Hey! Okay, first, Naruto… now, Dissidia? Okay, getting out of hand here. By the power vested in my keyboard, I declare that you two shall kick somebody else's sorry *ss instead of this Sue._

At once, the two villains were enveloped in a bluish-white glow. And in a blink of an eye, they disappeared, leaving no trace of them ever being here.

"Okay… now I better go get directions from somebody who does know where I am…" The girl walked off.

.

..

…

…

…

..

.

"Whew! Finally! I'm out of that stinking forest!" The girl sighed in relief. "Fresh air and whatever nearby town, here I come!"

"Out of the forest and into my trap!" a girl's voice called out to her.

"What trap?" As soon as she said these words, she felt several metal wires wrapping around her. Seconds later, she couldn't even move and the metal wires tightened around her, disrupting her center of gravity and causing her to fall on her butt.

"This trap." A black-haired girl came out from the shadows, holding three senbon needles in her right hand. "Now, hold still while I make quick work out of you!" She approached the girl with a menacing look on her face.

"Just what do you think you're going to do with me?"

"I'm bringing you back to the Hidden Village of Sound as a substitute sacrifice for Master Orochimaru's Impure World Resurrection because I myself refuse to be a sacrifice. And you're the perfect replacement for me. Can I have your name?"

"Yoko Kitty Diamond Usagi Yuna Mississippi April May June Ono… but… I don't want to die either."

"Face it, pumpkin. If you had enough time to beautify yourself, why didn't you have enough time to train yourself to detect traps and ambush attacks? Face it, kid. You're coming with me and you're going to die." She yanked on Kitty's hair and started to drag her back to the Hidden Village of Sound.

"Ouch! That hurts! That hurts! My hair! My perfectly beautiful hair!" Kitty complained.

"Shut up, fool. There's no way I'm going to fall for that trick and unless you want me to turn you into a porcupine, you better shut up!" Kin was unfazed by Kitty's cries for pity.

And she continued to drag the poor helpless tied-up Sue along the ground.

.

..

…

…

…

..

.

Meanwhile, back in the Hidden Village of Sound, the Sound Four were bickering with a couple of unfamiliar characters. Their voices were reaching critical level; their anger was very evident on their faces.

_Note to self, never make Tayuya guest star in this fic… like, again!_

"What the hell do you mean by porshe labor? God! You're even worse than someone who has braces!" The red-haired girl screamed at the top of her lungs. "Know what, Jirobo? It's quite stupid to think how 16th century people in any part of the world were able to create Porsche cars! Stupidity must be a virtue for you guys," she says sarcastically.

Her three other companions were keeping their silence as she was technically very dangerous when angered.

"And what is up with logic disregarding grammar, you mother-frigger! Who the hell would be able to understand a thing without proper grammar? Grammar is a way of life and for crying out loud, it connect people together!" She continued to rant. "And you really think that diamonds will stay as diamonds when they are in volcanoes. Oh my freaking God! Heat and pressure can cause a substance to change its molecular structure! Basic chemistry, you little friggers! Is that so hard to think about?

"And if you trash grammar in logical reasoning, you're also going to trash proper spelling? Dude, apprehension is spelled A-P-P-R-E-N-H-E-N-S-I-O-N not A-P-P-H-E-N-S-I-O-N. And why do you say terms "'cherms"? It's bad enough that you talk with a lisp but you have to change the letter 't' with a gayer sound. Yeah, so we now call tomatoes as "chomachoes", tympani as "chimpani", tortillas as "chorchillas", and Tinkerbell as "Chinkerbell". Whoop-de-frakking-doo!

"And what's this phreelim are you talking about? Is it about getting free limbs? But it doesn't look like that since you said something like 'Everything I discass will come out in the phreelim!"

_I think he meant he was giving out several clones of my classmate who happens to be Tracy Lim! Yes! So he must be issuing her out to all the lustful guys in the varsity out there… unless he meant our prelim exams._

"And why the hell do you even bring vegetables in an airport? I myself don't know what that vegetable is but everyone knows that vegetables are strictly prohibited in your baggage. And you're not supposed to bring them especially when you're heading to U.S. territories as they are way stricter than the U.S. mainland security!

"And you piece of garbage, it's Irish girl not iris! Josephine Brackett or Bracken, whoever she is, is of Irish descent not made out of those parts of the eye. Sheesh! And what the hell is a pilasapi? Frakk you so badly! It's philosophy, you idiot!"

_Uhh… okay, she's going to explode! Run!_

"That's enough, Tayuya!" the black-haired man with brown skin told her. "Look, Kin's here with her replacement! If you want, you can send them to kingdom come with your Doki."

"Yeah, good idea." She took out her flute and started playing the last tune that the two men who were arguing with her would ever hear.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Well, that wasn't so bad.

**Axel: **What do you mean it's not so bad? It's horrible!

If you mean horrible, then you must mean you and Roxas silently sneaking off and making out! You two disappeared for two chapters and ended up making out, you know!

**Roxas: **It's not my fault. Axel started it!

Oh, shut up. Anyways, thank you, voters, for voting! AkuDemyfan, if Axel and Demyx or any other bunch of the Organization get a tie in the votes, that will be the time they perform their killing duties together. And right now, Vexen's winning!

**Vexen: ***pops out* Yes! In your face, you other popular members of the Organization!

Vexen! Be nice to them. If fan girls and fan boys suddenly go here and beat you up with stolen keyblades, it's not my problem.

**Vexen: **Fine…

By the way, I would like to thank Jupiter-Lightning for giving us Kitty to kill and another Sue. Twiliteyes93 deserves a thank you too for contributing one more Sue to the roster. Yesh!

**Demyx: **Can I jam on my sitar now?

Wait, Demyx! One more thing, does anybody support the theory that Larxene, Demyx and/or Marluxia are siblings? They seem to act like family. Larxene and Demyx have the resemblance and the innate sibling animosity between them while Marluxia is like Larxene's better half in the brains of the operation. Besides, doesn't Marly act brotherly enough to Larxene? *muffled giggle*

**Demyx: **???

Anyways, here are some funny videos/clips which you need to look for in Youtube if you're ever bored:

1. Kingdom Hearts Ultimate Team-Up (All of them!)

2. Caramelldansen (I really burst a gut laughing at the Dissidia, Kingdom Hearts and Yu-Gi-Oh ones)

3. Caipirinha (Only Dissidia has this, I think.)

4. Organization XIII doing the Tarzan and Jane song

5. Organization XIII doing the Sailor Song

6. Team Marluxia's Rockin'

7. and many more

Those are all I can remember… for now. Expect more funny videos to be referred to you guys. *laughs*

**Roxas: **Are you endorsing us or something?

Uhh… promoting the fact that video games are beyond the epic word "awesome"! So yeah, please review. Voting is still up. And yeah, I know this chapter is crazy. Not to mention the fact that I just placed my most annoying professors in Tayuya's argument scene! Yeah, that really happened like last week.

**Axel: **Ummm… lemonade! *sips some lemonade from a bottle*

**Roxas: **Axel! Don't drink that!

**Demyx: **O_o

**Vexen:** O_O

Okay… see you guys next time in this disastrous fic where anything can get bashed. Oh rats! I forgot to bash Naruto's three main characters. Maybe next chapter? *grins* So if you like Naruto, Sakura and/or Sasuke, I strongly advise you not to take the next chapter seriously as I will kill them off like I did with Twilight's main cast. Kapish?

**Ultimecia: **There are manners even in battle.

**Cloud of Darkness: **Do not fear. The Void consumes all.

**Kuja: **You think you can dominate me.

Dominate? *chuckles*

**Kuja: **What's wrong with that? *executes Ultima*

Ahhhh! Nothing! Run for my life! The crazy M-rated villains of Dissidia are here! Ahhhh! *runs away*

**Ultimecia, Cloud of Darkness and Kuja: ***crashes the place*


	11. Another Delayed Update Sorry but Enjoy!

Hi! Hi! I'm back! And now, I have a very important announcement since I have no life. I have held hostage several villains from the famous Dissidia Final Fantasy game here with me! And guess what? I have several theories regarding their names. *chuckles*

**Sephiroth: **What about our names?

**Ultimecia: **Yes... what about them?

**Kuja: **Are you going to ridicule our names now?

**Garland: **Because if you are, you're in big trouble.

Relax, dudes. I'm not going to bash your names. I simply have theories on why you guys have that name. Hey, where are Emperor Mateus, Exdeath, Kefka, Jecht, Cloud of Darkness and Golbez? I sure hope they won't miss out on this because I want every villain to hear about their names.

**Exdeath: **We're coming so stop whining, child!

I'm not whining. *folds arms*

**Jecht: **So we're here, pipsqueak. What now?

Okay, here I go. First, I have on the list is Garland. Garland, by definition, is a mark of honor. Which probably refers to his high rank in the villains who serve Chaos.

**Garland: **That's not a bad meaning for my name. *smirks*

See? But not all of you are as lucky though. Emperor Mateus… uhh… your name comes from a palace in the above civil parish. This probably refers to how you have or want to dictate over others.

**Emperor Mateus: **True. True. My name is awesome.

Well, as for Cloud of Darkness, he/she/they behave like a cloud. You know, hovering and floating above the ground. Darkness, in Greek mythology, is Nyx who is the offspring of Chaos. And this refers to how he/she/they want to destroy the world of Light and Dark.

**Cloud of Darkness: **Wow… you know a lot… for a mere mortal.

Yeah, whatever. Was that a compliment? Anyways, next up is Golbez. Uhh… in Polish, "gol" means "goal" while "bez" means "elder". Which makes sense because Golbez is Cecil Harvey's older brother and has… uhh… certain goals in life. Be they for good or for evil.

**Golbez: **That is a fact… yeah, it is.

See? Next up is Kefka Palazzo. Umm… kefka means toothbrush? Uhh… wait, maybe the creators got your name from keek which means excitement, randomness or boredom. Palazzo is palace. And since you were a court mage in a palace before as well as got into some random failed experiment, I guess your name fits you.

**Kefka: **But I don't get the toothbrush part.

I don't know. Maybe it's because you show too many toothy and wide demented grins?

**Kefka: **I suppose so.

Uhh… Exdeath. Well, as you can see, his dream is to bring all life to cessation. Hence, he brings you to death. So, Exdeath could possibly mean previously before death. And it makes sense because after you meet or come face to face with him, he can wipe you out from existence, causing your death.

**Exdeath: **Cool.

Thanks. Then, we have Sephiroth which I think is a corruption of the phrase "gothic seraph". Because… first, if you actually drop the letters 'c', 'a' and 'g', you can actually assemble Sephiroth's name with the remaining letters. Number two, he is somewhat gothic because of his appearance and his attitude. And last, he is the One Winged Angel… angel is nearly the same thing with seraph.

**Sephiroth: **…

Ultimecia is next. Her name seems to be a corruption of the words "ultimate" and "Messiah". If you actually noticed, it's like "ulti" plus "mecia" (which is somewhat a different way of pronouncing Messiah).

**Ultimecia: **That is why I should rule above all with my Time Compression.

*face palms* Whatever… next is Kuja. I think his name is a shortened version of kujaku which is Japanese for peacock. Am I right? And he's pretty vain… like a peacock. And behind his pretty face hides very evil motives… sort of like a peacock.

**Kuja: **Okay, I admit it. I am VAIN!

Last but not the least is Jecht. I think it's a misspelling of "jacht" which means "yacht". And this definitely refers to water which is coincidentally involved when playing blitzball.

**Jecht: **The little tyke has a point.

Guys! Why are you all referring to me like I'm ten? I'm not ten, dammit!

**Garland: **Well, you act like a ten-year-old.

Fine then. I'm going to send you all back now. Ta-ta! Be evil girls and boys, okay? Don't forget to destroy your rivals and cause havoc upon the mortal world... because if you guys don't, life wouldn't be fun. *fakes a pout before sending them away*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Okay… ummm… what now? Oh yeah, the Sue! So it's going to be her last live chapter. Am I right? Okay then. But first, I want to apologize for traumatizing you guys with lemonade form the last chapter. Yes, Axel drank something else which wasn't fruit juice nor was it soda. If he gets sick, blame it on Roxas.

**Roxas: **But I really needed to go.

Roxas, if you really had to go, you could have just emptied your bladder in something that isn't a bottle or a glass! Geez, you could have just did it on the floor!

**Roxas: **But then, you're going to embarrass me afterward and make me clean it up.

Oh… right. But still, now Axel's going to get leptospirosis because of you.

**Zexion: ***portals in* Excuse me but that's not quite correct. Leptospirosis comes from animals, specifically rats' urine not humans and especially not Nobodies.

**Roxas: ***turns to S. S.* Do I look like a rat to you?

By rat you mean vermin, yes? Well, you are kind of small. *snickers*

**Roxas: **Hey!

Now, out you two go unless you want to be dancing the Caramelldansen. And I'm glad to add that I do have the song so you two can dance to it all day long for our fans. I do not wish to kill more time because I still have an Author's Conversation with Two Nobodies before we start with the Sue.

**Zexion: **Well, that's not my fault because you have no life.

So it's also not my fault if you two start dancing the Caramelldansen now, is it?

**Roxas and Zexion: **Okay, we're going. *leaves*

Now then, where was I? Oh yeah, the conversation… uhh… who to call for? Who to call?

**Xaldin: **Hey! You left me hanging by the line last chapter. Why don't you talk to me?

Umm… fine, I guess. *sheepish grin*Okay, Xaldin, tell everyone what you think about the game Kingdom Hearts?

**Xaldin: **I think it's bull-

Xaldin, no cursing! See the rating? It's T but not for swearing! And I don't want you to swear because we have to put a good impression on our readers, got me?

**Xaldin: **Uhhh…

Nod or else I'm gonna sic Beast, Griever, Fenrir and Simba on you.

**Xaldin: **I'm supposed to be scared of two Disney animals and two Aeons/Espers/GFs/whatever-you-call-them?

Don't make me bring the Magus Sisters here!

**Xaldin: **Okay, fine. I think Kingdom Hearts as a game is a rip-off because I was killed.

XALDIN! Everyone in the Organization is murdered at the end of Kingdom Heart 2! Dammit! You're not the only one, you know. Vexen was roasted into a smore. Demyx was reduced to bubbles. Lexaeus and Luxord were cut right in the abdominal line. Zexion was drained of his energy to the point of killing him. Marluxia exploded into petals. Larxene and Xemnas faded back with little black strips of darkness peeling off from them. And you say you were killed? *gives Xaldin a cynical glare*

**Xaldin: **What about Xigbar, Axel, Saix, Roxas and Xion?

Technically, Nomura decided to give them not-so-funny deaths. As well as not very painful ones! He's a sexist!

**Xaldin: **Why is that?

Obviously, he hates female final bosses! Look! The only Final Fantasy game which had a female final boss was FFVIII. And that lucky lady was Ultimecia!

**Xaldin: **So? What does that have to do with the Kingdom Hearts franchise?

Well, Marluxia was supposed to be a girl! So either: a.) He switched Nos. XI and XII's sexes. b.) He turns Marluxia into a man. The reasons? Maybe he just doesn't like the prospect of women trying to snatch the control of a group like Organization XIII! And on my belief, both men and women do so although women are apt to be first with a take-over-the-organization plan.

**Xaldin: **Okaaaaay… you're ranting again. The readers would like to read the chapter now.

Fine… okay, guys. I'm going to do the disclaimers now since I still have no life or my life hasn't made itself noticeable to me yet.

I do not own Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I would've made a happy place for all of the Organization XIII to stay instead of dying at the hands of Sora.

I do not own Naruto either. If I did, I would've killed Team 7 off early in the series… along with Gaara's team. Darn those midgets. They just piss me off to no end by killing any and every villain I like.

I do not own Darker Than Black because I have just recently stumbled to it so I still have no clue what it's about.

I do not own Pokemon. If I did, I would have given Gym Leaders more eccentric type-team combinations and put more villainous teams.

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist because I just don't own it. Too bad the Homunculi died. *sobs*

I do not own Twilight. If I did, well… I wouldn't write it. *grins* It's just unrealistic like ever. Plus, the way Bella gets turned into a vampire is a near carbon copy of how Marius turns Armand into a vampire fledgling! S. Meyer has no originality, copying that from Anne Rice. *burns New Moon poster* Furthermore, vampires do not, I repeat, sparkle! Unless they intentionally wear glitters and stuff, they wouldn't sparkle. And especially not in the sun! *burns Twilight book* You have any idea how illogical is that to the common belief of vampires will kill you? I mean, at least, Anne Rice's vampires are only after good-looking people. Meyer's vampires would randomly turn any cute whorish guy/girl into a vampire! And that is beyond wrong.

**Xaldin: **Wow… your disclaimer about Twilight is really long. And still, you don't own nearly anything you write about.

That's the point of fanfiction, Xaldin! *face palms* Anyways, while I knock some sense into him, why don't we all have a nice cozy cup of tea and the chapter while at it, okay?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Back at the Ichiraku Ramen Shop, three chuunins were happily eating their ramen. Well, it looked that way until the two males in the group raised their hands simultaneously and asked for more ramen. And it seemed that these two were having a competition. Over what? Over who could eat the most ramen? Most probably…

"More ramen please!" The boy wearing orange waved his empty bowl.

"More ramen for me too!" the black-haired boy called out as well.

The shop-owner immediately came up to them and refilled their bowls with newly-cooked ramen. "Wow, you two seem awfully hungry. It must have been all that training, no?" he politely smiled at the boys.

"Yes, sir," Naruto replied with his mouth still full.

Sasuke, on the other hand, started stuffing the noodles down his mouth, trying to finish his own ramen before Naruto can finish his.

_Ugh… what a total waste of food. Now that's a glutton for you._

Before long, the sun was already setting and the ramen shop had to close. By then, there was a multitude of empty bowls in front of both Naruto and Sasuke.

_And if it weren't for the Anime Law wherein skinny "hot" people stay thin no matter what they eat, these two would have probably ballooned up to the size of… umm… let's say Jirobo. Yeah, the fatty in Sound Four. Pfft… I hated his guts and his cockiness… just like that "emo" kid over there._

"So did you guys make the most of the treat?" the white-haired jounin assigned to watch them asked both Naruto and Sasuke in earnest while holding the third installment of Jiraiya's famous Icha Icha series.

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei. It was delicious." Naruto smacked his lips and gave his teacher a wide toothy grin. "We should do this more often." He then patted his belly.

"Yeah, Kakashi-sensei. We really appreciate the treat. Too bad I finished more bowls than Naruto. And that means he just lost the bet." Sasuke grinned.

At once, Naruto's jaw dropped and his eye twitched. "What do you mean I lost? I ate fifteen bowls of ramen."

"Well, that's too bad, Naruto. I ate twenty bowls of ramen."

"But how's that possible. I counted every single bowls you were eating."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Well maybe you weren't looking at me when I ate those six extra bowls. You know, you spent four minutes looking for that spoon you dropped so recklessly in the midst of the 'heated competition'."

Naruto pouted. "Fine, you win… for now. But I shall get you next time, Sasuke."

The dark-haired boy smiled. The four then proceeded to head back to the center of their village before going their separate ways to each other's homes.

But after passing by several shops, they came upon a black-haired girl wearing some sort of a foreign outfit. And upon seeing the four ninjas, she approached them willingly and handed Kakashi a letter.

"It's a letter from the… uhh…" Despite his best efforts to decipher whom the letter came from, Kakashi still couldn't make out a single name other than a smudged out "-kage". "Anyways, it says here that the ninja from the Hidden Leaf Village has to protect her," he informed Naruto and Sasuke.

Surprisingly, Sakura was missing.

Kakashi turned to his two genins and instructed them to stay by this girl while he goes to Lady Tsunade and inform her of the letter. To which both boys respond with an "Of course, Kakashi-sensei. We won't fail you… unless a certain someone manages to slack off from the 'protecting' duty."

_Yeah, and with no doubt if Kishimoto was authoring this, he'd Sue-ify you guys right now so you can kick the more skilled evil ninjas' butt. But I feel so bad right now that you guys won't be facing any ninjas._

"Huh? Who's that? Sasuke, do you hear something?" Naruto asked his companion who was trying to get more information about the new girl.

"Other than you blithering blathering about nonsense, no!" he answered rudely before going back to asking the girl of her origins.

"Umm… I'm not sure. But I come from…" But before she could finish, three Corridors of Darkness opened up before them. At once, Sasuke and Naruto took out their kunai from their pocket and got ready to defend the girl. Three figures emerged. A woman, a tall man and a seemingly short guy.

"Why if it isn't the two little brats who would like to stop us? I'm shaking!" said the blonde woman in a sarcastic tone. She glanced at the two boys first before averting her gaze on to the girl.

"The girl!" another figure pointed at the black-haired lass. "Hand her over if you do not wish to get hurt."

"Hand her over? Are you kidding me? It is my duty as a ninja to protect her now!" Naruto cried out defiantly.

"Well, the little runt looks like he's raring up to go. Can I have some fun, Marluxia? It's been ages since I last sparred with someone as stupid and high-and-mighty as this boy." The woman summoned up her knives which appeared between her fingers.

"I don't see any point in letting Larxene go nuts over those two neophytes. They don't even look as skilled as Roxas was on his first day in the Organization," the seemingly short guy answered.

At once, the only woman in the bunch rushed at Sasuke and started slashing at him swiftly and savagely. Fortunately for Sasuke, his Sharingan allowed him dodge most of Larxene's relentless attacks. The female Nobody then became annoyed as this kept up. Finally, she managed to grab the boy's hair and swung him around before throwing him at a nearby wall, smashing it to bits.

"Hmph, he really thought he could play Tag with me for more than a minute, huh?" Larxene smirked. She then proceeded to finish off Sasuke when Naruto blocked her path with an army of shadow clones.

"I won't let you go anywhere nearer to Sasuke." Naruto glared at Larxene.

"You want to fight that badly for your friend? Alright, have it your way!" Larxene immediately responded by making a duplicate of herself.

"Two of you? You're going to shrug off my attacks with only two of you? You're joking! A trained ninja can…" Naruto was cut off abruptly as Larxene and her body clone charged in for the attack, relentlessly assaulting the yellow-haired boy with unforgiving slashes that easily decimated his shadow clones down to three including the real Naruto himself.

As for Sasuke, the pink-haired man approached him and took out his scythe, opting to finish him off without further ado as well as preventing even more delays by finishing one of the girl's "protectors" off.

Suddenly, someone cried out, "Nobody hurts my Sasuke!"

Marluxia turned around to see a pink-haired girl running towards him with a kunai, intent on defending her beloved Sasuke from the Nobody.

Coolly, Marluxia merely dismissed her as nothing more than an annoyance and turned his back on her but not before gesturing for Zexion to attack her. As soon as she stood before Marluxia, ready to challenge him, she was hit by a thick flying encyclopedia.

"You ought not to have done that." Zexion wagged a warning finger at her and then created a set of duplicates of himself to engage Sakura.

Meanwhile, Larxene was pummeling the daylights out of Naruto as she and her clone alternated between a steady barrage of lightning bolts and unyielding clawing of her knives. Soon enough, she had Naruto on his knees, exhausted and nearly out of chakra.

_Of course, this isn't Sue-ified, considering Larxene's experience in the battlefield and her incomparable speed of attacking, she'd obviously pulverize a Naruto in one go. As for Sakura, that pretty ugly girl… let's see how she's doing…_

"Sakura… how would you react if suddenly Sasuke is killed before your eyes?" No sooner than Zexion completed his sentence was Sakura seeing Sasuke's death before her very eyes. The dark-haired boy was being attacked by weird flying creatures which had an eagle's body and a mosquito's head; the creatures were slowly stripping the flesh of the young ninja.

"Nooooooooooo!" Sakura screamed; her eyes wide with horror.

Obviously, her sitting-pretty attitude for Sasuke had once again prevented her from realizing she was trapped in an illusory prison of disturbing images which in no level at all are real.

On the other hand, the grayish-blue-haired Nobody frowned as he was expecting Sakura to be more than an idiot who would walk into his illusion tricks and believe every single thing he was seeing. He sighed before finishing her off with a blast of dark energy from his hands.

Immediately, the pink-haired girl was devoid of life upon being hit by the energy bolt.

Meanwhile, as Marluxia poised his scythe above Sasuke's head, ready to behead that troublesome ninja, it turned out to be a substitution. The Nobody whirled around to see the boy charging up electrical energy into his right hand.

"You made a big mistake messing with me," Sasuke sneered at the scythe-wielder. "Time to pay the fatal price. CHIDORI!" He made a mad dash at the latter. However, Marluxia surprised Sasuke as he collapsed into a magnificent shower of petals the moment the Chidori struck him.

"What?"

Marluxia reappeared beside Sasuke. "Looking for someone you lost? Perhaps, you should be a little bit quicker than that… or at least be not as gullible as that."

This time, Sasuke surveyed his surroundings and saw Naruto fleeing/luring Larxene into a trap. Either way, the best decision right now was not to engage this pink-haired man but instead finish off one of his companions. Seeing the genjutsu-user to be more of a subtle threat, Sasuke assumed Larxene to be the more pronounced threat among the three aside from Marluxia.

"Come back here, kid! No use running!" Sasuke heard Larxene's mocking words echo after Naruto.

As quick as he could, he ran away from Marluxia who merely smirked and chased after him. While running, Sasuke tried to charge up as much lightning chakra into his palm to at the least extent finish the woman off in one go.

Soon enough, he got to her. She had cornered Naruto and was giggling at the situation which she seemed to find quite humorous.

"The time to play Tag is now over. And guess who the winner is?" Larxene grinned maliciously at Naruto who appeared not the least worried. "Shouldn't you be groveling for your life now, silly ninja?"

To her surprise, she heard someone else answer, "You aren't the winner and shouldn't you be the one who'd be begging for mercy?" But before she could find out who said it, she felt a hand hit her spinal column and then she was overwhelmed with a ridiculous amount of electricity. She slumped down on the floor, seemingly lifeless.

"Sasuke, you saved me!" Naruto limped toward his friend, planning to embrace him.

Unfortunately for them, the woman once again rose up. This time, she looked rather more energized than before. The two genins looked at her, wide-eyed.

"Well, that was fun. Too bad electricity only feeds me," she laughed. "Now then, who said there was going to be saving?" Behind her was Marluxia who slammed his scythe onto the ground, creating a massive fissure.

Hanging for their dear lives, Naruto and Sasuke desperately struggled not to fall into the never-ending abyss that Marluxia had just created with his scythe. Just as Naruto was about to pull himself up, he noticed several cherry blossom petals swirling around him. Between the petals, there were sparks of electricity.

"What?" Naruto gasped.

But that was all he could say before an electrified whirlwind of petals slammed into him, knocking him off and into the bottomless pit. And Sasuke was next.

_Okay… I'm getting bored. How dare they keep hanging onto their lives in vain! Just die already!_

Realizing the futility of his actions, Sasuke then chose to let go and subsequently his two fellow companions into oblivion.

_Yeay me! I… we killed them!_

Just then, Zexion came barging in and told both Nobodies that their target had already escaped.

_What? Damn! Next chapter, I will get her for this! Argh!_

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Now that was that!

**Xaldin: **Yeah, so interesting… *face palms*

Whatever, Xaldin… you and your natural inclination to discriminate everything that does not suit your interests.

**Marluxia: ***portals in* Has anyone seen Larxene?

Nope, Marly. Check the kitchen. Maybe she was hungry. I heard she had been craving for chocolate cakes this morning.

**Xaldin: **Yeah, she was… and still is.

**Marluxia: **Okay. But what are you guys doing?

*points at Xaldin* He's listening to me rant about random stuff. But now, I have no idea. In my case, I am plotting against a clan leader who also happens to be a moderator on a certain forum site. Want to join?

**Marluxia: **I'll pass. But whatever evil thing you're up to, good luck with that.

Thanks, Marly. This guy's urge to get laid will only get him into trouble. Besides, it's not like I am a good pretender. *rolls eyes* Not like I can assume a different identity, create a MySpace account, come into to contact with those arrogant people and obtain secret information before divulging them, right?

**Marluxia: **Okay… you're definitely up to no good. *leaves*

**Squall, Cloud and Tidus: ***barges in* Does anyone know where we could get ice cream?

**Xaldin: **I'm surrounded by idiots. *leaves*

Oh my goodness! No one told me that the Weathermen were coming! Come and sit! *invites the trio over*

**Squall: **Weathermen? Don't you mean "The Weather Trio"?

Neh, I call you guys the Weathermen! And my, are these your Dissidia selves I'm looking at? I'm impressed… I always thought you guys were jerks. Well, other people told me that but I don't care. You guys are way too awesome to be called jerks. What's not to like about you guys?

**Tidus: **Cloud's the jerk. Squall and I are the good guys. *throws an arm around Squall and smirks*

Okay? Now, don't be mean to Cloud. Cloud, are you up for some wild rambling about random stuff?

**Cloud: **Whatever. Not interested…

**Tidus: ***whispers* See? He's a jerk!

**Sephiroth: ***comes in by the window* Cloud! There you are. *takes out his seven-foot-long katana*

Hey! Hey! No fighting inside The Castle That Never Was! Sephiroth, if you want to have a piece of Cloud, you're going to have to get through me. Unless you're Cloud's so-called stalker, I'm not handing him over without a fight.

**Tidus: **So Cloud actually has a male stalker? Uhh, Squall, what's a stalker?

**Squall: **Tidus, you're so naïve. Sephiroth…

**Cloud: ***interrupts* I don't have stalkers!

**Marluxia and Larxene: ***appear from nowhere* Wow! We got the camera and finally we're going to prove that Sephiroth-Cloud does exist as a pairing. We're so diabolically evil.

*raises eyebrows* You guys definitely like crack pairings, don't you?

**Larxene: **Maybe?

**Marluxia: **Maybe?

*sighs*

**Sephiroth: **Prepare yourself, Sound!

Sephiroth, with all due respect, don't call me "Sound"! For the love of pies and Kingdom Hearts and everything that's evil, Sound is what people call me on Naruto-Boards. And I must tell you that it doesn't sound particularly pleasing nor does it sound awesome. *extends hand* Call me Slayer or S. S. No more, no less. It's much more fitting for me.

**Sephiroth: **What makes you think you're going to be called Slayer by me?

Because, Sephiroth, if you don't, you'll be very much swishing that katana at me without a head. You know what Redd always says, "When in doubt, go for the head."

**Sephiroth: **You sound like a psychopathic villain.

Precisely, I play both roles in conflicts! I am both the hero and the villain. It's not so hard really. But now, let's have a duel, Sephiroth. If you want to get to Cloud, you're going to have to take him by force from me.

**Sephiroth: ***points katana at S. S.*

Dude, I don't have a sword nor do I fight with weaponry. When I meant duel, we're going to play with these! *hands Sephiroth a bunch of cards*

**Sephiroth: **Aren't you too old for Yu-Gi-Oh?

You got any better ideas? *gives an exasperated sigh*

**Sephiroth: **Fine, let's duel. 8000 Life Points?

8000 Life Points. Let's start, Sephiroth!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

(Sephiroth's Life Points – 1300, Sound Slayer's Life Points – 1000)

(No monsters on both sides of the field. Sephiroth has one face-down card. Sound Slayer has Lght Barrier active on the field with the Heads effect.)

I summon Arcana Force III – The Empress! Activate Light Barrier's effect and choose the Heads effect of The Empress. Now, direct attack! *The Empress attacks Sephiroth*

**Sephiroth: **Uhh… umm… wait! Activate Trap Card! Magic Cylinder!

What? No! *falls on knees as Life Points hit zero*

**Sephiroth: **Now, where's Cloud?

*points to the right where Tidus and Squall are*

**Sephiroth: **He's not there.

Huh? But…

**Sephiroth: **Stupid man. He thinks he can escape he Sephiroth's supreme Cloud-sensing powers?

**Squall: **Are you sure that it's "sensing" not "stalking"?

**Sephiroth: ***glares at Squall before leaving*

**Tidus: **Cloud, you can come out now. Sephiroth just left.

**Cloud: ***comes out of hiding place* Wow… I can't imagine you were still going to lose.

Shut up! Don't make me call Sephiroth!

**Cloud: **Okay, okay…

Good Cloud. *smiles*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Let's see… the highest number of votes goes to… *drum roll* MARLUXIA!

**Marluxia: **Really? I can't believe it.

**Larxene: **Congrats for you, Marly. *shakes Marluxia's hand*

**Xemnas: **Once again, no one votes for me.

Sorry, Xemmy. Maybe next time. I'm sure someone will vote for you.

**Xemnas: **That would only be you.

Yeah… *scratches head* Anyone else who cares to speak their minds about the winning Nobody?

**Vexen: ***portals in* I do! I have just recently checked on the number of reviews submitted to your story and I have caught you red-handed that you're lying to the readers! I'm the one who should be killing the Sue not Number Eleven. I'm Number Four and I refuse to be stripped of the opportunity to execute that Sue!

Fine, Vexen. You caught me… now stop rambling about your numerical ranks.

**Xigbar: **Rambling? As if!

No one asked you!

**Demyx: **Where's Axel?

He's currently being nursed back to health.

**Demyx: **By whom?

No idea. By the way, where's Roxas?

**Zexion: **Wasn't he visiting Axel?

**Luxord: **Doing… uhh… I mean, bringing my poker set? I thought he was going to play with you guys! *points at Xaldin, Xemnas, Saix, Zexion, Xigbar and Demyx*

What?

**Larxene: **Time to bring out the cameras!

**Everybody except Marluxia, Larxene and Demyx: **O_O

**Larxene: **What? It's for proof and evidence.

**Everybody except Marluxia, Larxene and Demyx: **O_O

**Marluxia: **And blackmail.

**Everybody except Marluxia, Larxene and Demyx: **O_O

**Larxene and Marluxia: **Fine… screw the cameras.

You two are really the paparazzi in the Organization. Okay, guys, we must save Axel and Roxas or both! And the fan girls too!

**Everybody: ***leaves*

**Xion: ***looks like she just woke up and enters the room* Hmm… I wonder where everybody is going to. Axel and Roxas were sleeping. Apparently, I hadn't slept while taking care of Axel. As of Roxas, he just wants to sleep with Axel. *realizes an implied meaning* No, wait! You got it all wrong. They're not gay. They just sleep in one bed.

Oh, look, Xion's here. *grabs Xion by the arm* We have to save Axel and Roxas! Let's go! *drags Xion out of the room*


	12. Vexen Scores and We Have Karaoke Night!

**Sakura: **Okay, now before we end Naruto Shippuden Episode 133, we are going to have a short omake about...

What the heck are you doing here? I thought I used my awesome powers of scriptwriting to kill you off last chapter! *takes out cellphone* You all know that this would be the perfect time to...

**Miki, Izumi and Risa: **Call Hayate!

Who the heck invited you guys here? *raises eyebrows*

**Miki: **You left the doors to this castle open.

**Risa: **And we heard you screaming.

**Izumi: **So we rushed right in to see what trouble... er-hem, help we could offer! So now, let's call Hayate!

How exactly do I do that again?

**Izumi: **Easy! *takes phone from S. S.* The only thing you have to do is dial 1-800-HAYATE. *dials number* And scream into the phone when he picks up.

Huh?

_----------The Conversation----------_

**Hayate: ***picks up the other end of the receiver* Hello?

**Izumi: **HAYATE! COME HERE QUICK! WE NEED YOUR HELP! *hangs up*

**Hayate: **Wow... they really must have done something really stupid to sound like that.

**Nagi: **Hayate, who was that?

**Hayate: **Mistress, the Student Council needs my help. It's urgent. *prepares to run off*

**Nagi: **Hold it right there, Hayate. What do you mean your help? *putting mock quotations marks on "your help"* You are my butler. And when they say your help, they mean our combined efforts to help.

**Hayate: **Really, Mistress? Not to be rude or anything but... what could you possibly do?

**Nagi: **Are you underestimating me, Hayate? I can draw manga!

**Hayate: **Okay, okay, Mistress. Don't need to get all mad like that. I'm going to take you with me.

**Nagi: **Mad? I'm not mad! *pauses for a while* What? You're going to bring me? *eyes go all sparkly*

**Hayate: **Yup! So let's go. Just hop on my back and we'll be there before you know it.

**Nagi: ***hops on Hayate's back*

_----------End of The Conversation----------_

So what now? I guess we should tie... *notices that Sakura is missing* Where'd she go?

**Miki: **Who? If you mean Sakura, she left while we were talking to you.

**Izumi: **Yeah, anyone up for some cards. *takes out a bunch of UNO cards*

**Risa: **Sure! *playing UNO with Miki and Izumi*

So what am I going to do? Just wait? I hate waiting...

**Hayate: ***enters, running* Okay! I came here as fast as I can. What's the problem?

**Risa: **Well, there was some pink-haired stalker girl here wearing a ridiculously outdated outfit and was presumably hosting her after-show crap when we got here. But she's gone now. Rest assured she won't be coming back.

She better or else I'm going to bludgeon her with the hatchet.

**Izumi: **By the way, where's Nagi, Hayate?

**Hayate: ***notices Nagi not on his back* Uh-oh.

**Risa: **You are so in big trouble, Hayate! *wags her finger at Hayate*

**Nagi: ***bursts into the room*HAYATE! HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ON THE STREETS WHEN I FELL FROM YOUR BACK!

**Hayate: **Mistress... *sweat drops and starts to back away* Mistress... don't hurt me!

**Nagi: **Why I'm going to kill you! *gives Hayate an uppercut and a falling axe kick before doing a DoA Thrashing as seen in most video games*

Oww... that's got to hurt.

**Risa: **UNO!

**Izumi: **What the heck, Risa! Can't you count? You still have three cards!

**Miki: **Yeah!

**Risa: **What? Three cards? It's impossible! I was down to one card two turns ago.

**Izumi: **Well, you forgot to say "UNO!" two turns ago. As punishment, we give you two more cards. *grins evilly*

**Risa: **What!

**Miki: **Says so on the rulebook! *takes out rulebook*

**Risa: **Let me see that rulebook you're talking about! *snatches rulebook from Miki*

Okay, so while some of the cast of Hayate the Combat Butler sort themselves out, let's head over to Vexen!

* * *

So, Vexen, are you ready?

**Vexen: **Of course, I am! Look at me! All prepped up and ready to go. *gestures to himself wearing the complete Organization XIII attire with his shield in his right hand*

Looking sharp... I think. So... you ready to begin your Eternal Cryonic Theory?

**Vexen: **Of course! I was born to formulate theories. I am a scientist. Everything in this environment is just a variable to be manipulated for the final experiment.

What? Final experiment???

**Vexen: **Never mind.

Okay. So let's begin.

+------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+  
| **Hypothesis:** _Sues are much dumber than they think they are or at least how their creators perceive_ _them. To prove it, the researcher shall ask a Sue several questions to check her intelligence. _|  
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

I see... interesting topic for a research, Vexen.

**Vexen: **Yeah, well it's also for an experiment.

So... do you need an accomplice? I can assign one for you! *whistles*

**Roxas, Axel, Demyx, Xigbar and Luxord: ***portal in*

**Vexen: **I'd rather go alone.

Awww, come on, Vexen. Pick one!

**Xigbar: **The old man needs help? This is a first!

**Vexen: **I'm leaving. *leaves*

Vexen? *turns to the Nobodies* Look at what you've done.

**Luxord: **I didn't do anything. *shrugs*

**Axel: **Me too. Come on, Roxas. Let's go upstairs and have some fun. *puts arm around Roxas*

**Everyone except Demyx, Roxas and Axel: **O_o

**Axel: **What?

**Xigbar: **You just said "some fun"? *putting mock quotations marks on "some fun"*

**Axel: **So?

**Demyx: **I wanna join.

**Everyone else: **O_O

**Luxord: **I'm going to leave you guys to your selves now. Call me if you need some... err... English assistance. *leaves, feeling very creeped out*

**Xigbar: **If Dem-Dem joins, can I join too? *gives a sly look*

Okaaaaaaayyyy… have your fun, guys. Now, just leave me alone as I go videotape Vexen's victory. Uhh… see ya. And don't forget to clean up your mess… if you do leave a mess. *runs outside and sees Nagi still beating up Hayate* Nagi? Aren't you taking that leaving-you-at-the-streets thing too far? Hayate's going to be pulverized into mulch and you won't have a butler anymore.

**Nagi: ***stops* Oh. Okay… you got a point. But… he needs a punishment.

Punishment, huh?

**Hayate: ***trembles in fear* Mistress?

*lightbulb appears over head* I got it! We can make him dress up as Morgan from Tears to Tiara! *evil giggle*

**Nagi: **You're right! Hayate would look adorable in that clothing! *fangirl squeal*

What? Hey, I thought this was for punishment not for entertainment!

**Nagi: **Right. Where are we going to get that lingerie stuff then?

No idea. Hey, where are you going, mister? *grabs Hayate by the collar* You're going to cross-dress whether you like it or not!

**Hayate: **MISTRESS!

**Nagi: **Relax, Hayate. It's not like we're going to castrate you.

What the heck? Why did you just say that?

**Nagi: **Anyway, back to the question of the lingerie, where do we get one?

Umm… wait, I think my backpack of random lost stuff in the time-space continuum has stuff such as that. *pulls out the dimension-warping backpack*

**Nagi: **Huh? Like that's supposed to get in there?

It happens a lot in animes and cartoons. Besides, this backpack is one hundred and eighty-three percent tied to the time-space continuum. *reaches into backpack*

**Hayate: **Mistress! *starts crying*

**Nagi: **Don't be a baby, Hayate. You cosplay females all the time in my mansion. How different is it from this time?

**Hayate: **There are cameras everywhere and they're all looking at me. *sniffle*

**Nagi: **Yeah, like we don't air our recordings on global TV. *sarcasm*

**Hayate: **What? Those episodes were aired?

**Nagi: **Yep.

Got it! Morgan's outfit! *holds up the stuff* Yeah, this is it! Now, hold him while we put this on!

**Nagi: ***immobilizes Hayate*

Here we go! And somebody play some awesome music while at it. Oh, and bring the Akatsuki too to dance for us. *helps Nagi to put the stuff on Hayate*

**Radio: ***starts playing Bacchikoi*

**The Akatsuki: ***enter and start dancing*

**Itachi: **This is embarrassing. Why did you guys make me take Hinata's place?

**Konan: **You're the one who has the longest black hair.

**Deidara: **But why do I get Ino's spot?

**Pain: **You look like her… kinda.

**Deidara: **I'm not a man-lady!

**Sasori: **But… why am I in Sakura's spot?

**Konan: **Redhead, remember? Or at least your hair is close to pink.

**Sasori: ***grumbles*

**Hidan: **Dance! Dance! Dance! *falls down laughing*

**Kakuzu: **Do it! Do it! Do it!

**Zetsu: **I'm glad I can't dance. Hehe. *watches from sideline*

Okay, guys. It's going to…

**Hayate and Nagi: ***still grappling with each other*

It's going to be a while before we get Hayate to don Morgan's skimpy and purely hot clothing. So… would you mind reading chapter now? Enjoy! *goes back to forcing Morgan's clothing on Hayate*

* * *

It was weird. She had been in this place before and now she was back there again. Like the first she set foot on the place, she was staring at The Castle That Never in awe as the light of Kingdom Hearts struck it, giving the stronghold an eerie glow. It was just… fascinating to her. Gazing at the castle, she did not notice Vexen until he touched her shoulder.

At once, she jumped back in recoil and gasped. She then started hyperventilating… really fast. And Vexen just raised his eyebrows as this "girl" continued to breathe in and out faster than one could say "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper. A peck of pickled Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, how much pecks of pickled pepper did Peter Piper pick?"

_That would hyper-hyperventilating, right? And dran, I could only type the tongue twister. Trust me, if you make me say it, you'd only hear messed-up words like "precker", "pricker" and "peckler"…_

After about a minute or two, Vexen got a tired of waiting for her to kill herself by disrupting her acid-base balance in her body… not that her body is the same with a regular human body so he went up to her and gave her a resounding slap on her right cheek.

"Pull yourself together. I don't want to lose such a valuable specimen for a grand experiment." The Nobody snapped his fingers to better catch the girl's attention. "Now, if you would so utmost kind, you will have to prove my theory correct by answering a bunch of questions. Basically, you have been one of the lucky 'chosen ones' so don't ask any more questions."

The girl disbelieved it at first. But her pride of being chosen as the "one" pushed away the thought that this could mean the end for her and she gladly accepted it, shaking Vexen's hand. "OK, fyr awee11!1!!!one!!oneone!!12! I cunt w8 2 tel ol the ppl in meh klas dot im finale a 'Chusen 1'!!!1!!11!oneoneone!" She jumped up and down in exaggerated joy.

Annoyed by such childish behavior, Vexen looked at her, doing his best to hide his disgust. "Okay. Now if you mind, since we have never met before, can you tell me your name?"

_What the flying ducks? Vexen, I specifically told you her name before. Now we are going to taint the fic with her name again? Argh!_

"Sorry," Vexen whispered to the camera.

_What! The camera is now something we can whisper to? Darn myself for not being a corporeal entity in these moments. Ugh!_

"Yoko Kitty Diamond Usagi Yuna Mississippi April May June Ono," she answered with a smile. "Bt u cun kol meh Cat 4 shirt."

"Okay, Cat, before we start thee interview and/or questions, how are you feeling right now?" Vexen asked the girl. "Nervous? Scared? Horrified?"

"Shillie ewld man, im not skared. Besyds, im akchuwali veri exited for the new Twilit muvee!!11!oneone u knw Edweird Crullen eez su hawt!!1 nd 1nce were dun wit dis im gooing 2 go nd kol meh frence to go watch Twilit!1!!1!!1!!!!!!!1 Jaykob ees su hawt 2!!!!1oneone!one im gona dy of der hawtnezzzzzzzz!!!!1! su wat du we hav 2 do 1st??????????////??/?/??slash?/slash///slash?? es the eentehbyu guing 2 start isoon? Im gouing 2 b lit 4 the muvee!!!!1!!oneone!!one1!"

_Okay, the fact that she's a Sue is fine. Being a self-insert who steals people's stories is a little way off my threshold. But when she starts talking like this, I just want to behead her with my hatchet!_

Vexen scratched his head. "Okay… so the first question is: What is 0! equivalent to? In statistics, that is."

"Stuhtisticks???//? Sticks??///? W8!!!!111!one!1!!!11oneone I no dot! Its sero obviusly!!!11!1!!oneone!1" She answered triumphantly.

_Obviously, that is wrong! 0! would be equal to one._

"That is incorrect. The correct answer is one." Vexen smirked.

"WTFFFFF!?!?1?!/!?1/!? haw cun dat b??/??//? I swer I countd it ryt!!!11!!1!oneone! I cant b wrog cos im veri smat!!!1!!1oneone! evry1 in meh klas ses su!"

Dismissing the girl's reactions, Vexen continues on, "Moving on, the second question is: In chemistry, which is more in quantity: a mole of sugar molecules or a mole of hydrogen atoms?"

"A mol???/?//? In kemistree?/??/? Wat the hech es dat???//? Bt if u askd meh I wuld see shugah cos shugah is biggwr den hydrujen watevew twat es!!!1!!1oneone!!"

"Once again, incorrect. They are the same in quantity because a mole of a certain substance contains an Avogadro's number of that same substance whether they are molecules or atoms." Vexen was enjoying this as he showed off his brilliant intelligence to this education-deprived brat.

_Go, Vexen! Woo-hoo!_

"Question Number Three: What race do you belong to?"

"Ooooo!!!11!!oneone!1 I no dis!!!!111!!1oneone!1 The kurek anser wuld b homo sapiens, amirite??/??//?"

"Once again, incorrect! You belong to the race Homo Sue-piens. No one is, may I say, as unique as you." Vexen gave the girl a sly grin.

"Rly??/?//? Woe!!11!!oneone!!1 Im su touchd!!!11!oneone!1"

"Question Number Four: Convert -1 K into degree Celsius."

"Wut es K?//? nd wat es Selshus/?? I rly duno. Um, 3??//?"

"Wrong. Kelvin is an absolute scale. Meaning, that there is no negative on the Kelvin scale. The lowest point would have to be zero."

"FcukK!!!1!!1!oneone! y do I nt no?"

"Well, how old are you?"

"16!!1!!1oneone!"

Vexen sighed before asking her the last question. "Can you say something smart? Like, at all?"

"E=mc^2!!!11!"

"Explain please, assuming that I have no idea of what you just said."

The black-haired girl rolled her eyes and bit her lip for quite some time before finally admitting that she did not know anything about it.

"Very well then. My work is done and I have proven to the world that my hypothesis is correct." Vexen grinned before summoning his shield.

"Wat r u gona do naw//?? Nd wats wit tat shild?/? dd u no dat blue s so lasr sisun?/??/" The girl laughed at Vexen's shield.

"It'll be over soon. Embrace the piercing chill and your last moments of life before you are encased in what I deem is my greatest work of art!" Vexen screamed in twisted glee.

_Oh my crut! He's sounding like Deidara! Somebody help me stop him from exploding… if that's what he means._

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew across the area, scattering snowflakes on where the girl stood. In a matter of seconds, she was encased in ice, still laughing at Vexen's shield. Vexen looked at his creation.

"Not too bad. Not too shabby, I suppose," he said to himself.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SLEDDING IS SO MUCH FUN!" somebody yelled from afar.

Vexen was startled for a moment. That voice. He recognized it as… Demyx's!

"What? Demyx?" He turned around to see the blonde Nobody on a sled approaching him at about sixty miles per hour. "No, wait!" He went in front of the frozen Sue but realized that Demyx would most likely ram into him with the toboggan than veer away from him. Vexen fled into his Corridor as Demyx finally crashed into the frozen Sue, smashing her into bits.

"It's Christmas! Thank you, Santa Vexen!" Demyx screamed as he pulled himself up and started laughing at the mess he made, having no idea that he just smashed the Sue into smithereens.

* * *

Wow… that was rather… uh…

**Xaldin: **Stupid?

Well… kind of. But not really. Anyways, as I promised Demyx before, we're now going to have a party! KARAOKE NIGHT! HAHA!

**Xaldin: **Karaoke? Umm… I'll skip.

*grabs Xaldin by the dreadlocks* Don't be such a killjoy and have some fun… with us.

**Larxene: **You know what the Gaga song says… "Let's have some fun. This beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick." *giggles*

Demyx? You may lead Karaoke Night. Let me go get some of my Dissidia faves. Hehe… *runs off* I'll be back, guys! And you better be singing for our lovely and fantabulous viewers/readers.

**Demyx: **Okay… someone hit the radio!

**Xigbar: **On it! *hits radio*

**Radio: **KA-Chunk… KA-CHUNK! KA-CHUNK!

**Demyx: **"Celebrate good times, come on! Celebrate good times, come on! There's a party goin' on right here. A celebration to last throughout the years. So bring your good times and your laughter too. We gonna celebrate your party with you. Come on now, Celebration! Let's all celebrate and have a good time. Celebration! We gonna celebrate and have a good time. It's time to come together. It's up to you, what's your pleasure. Everyone around the world, come on!"

**Hayata, Nagi, Izumi, Risa, Miki, Hinagiku and Kota: **Hey! I thought we were going to sing the Hayate the Combat Butler Opening Theme.

**Saix and Xemnas: **Back off, kids. It's our fic and it's our turf. And it's our turn to sing. If you don't like it, beat it!

**Marluxia: ***whispers to Larxene* We got a picture!

**Larxene: **I know. *takes the Xemnas/Saix pic* We're too evil for this.

**Saix and Xemnas: **Okay. Our turn. "Together, together, together everyone. Together, together, come on, let's have some fun. Together, we're there for each other every time. Together, together, come on, let's do this right!"

**Xion: **Augh! High School Musical? I hate that movie! *looks at audience* No offense to High School Musical lovers. *pushes Xemnas and Saix away whilst dragging Roxas and Axel to the stage* Caramelldansen please!

**Radio: "**Do, do doo.... Yeah-eah-eah, yeah. Vi undrarar ni redo alt vara med. Armarna upp nu ska ni fa se. Kom igen. Hvem som helst kan vara med. So ror pa era fotter. Oa-a-a. Och vicka era hofter. O-la-la-la.... Gör som vi. Till denna melodi. Oa-oa-a. Dansa med oss. Klappa era hander. Gör som vi gör. Ta nagrå steg at vanster. Lyssna och lar. Missa inte chanson. Nu ar vi har med. Caramelldansen!"

**Roxas: **Xion, why are we dancing to a song we can't even understand?

**Xion: **No idea. But I like the song! *giggles*

**Axel: **Dance, Roxy, dance! I'm just behind ya!

**Demyx: **Hey, we're back and we're going to steal the spotlight.

**Zexion: **What? Who? *spotlight shines on Demyx and Zexion*

**Demyx: **You're singing with me, Zexy! *hugs Zexion*

**Marluxia: ***whispers to Larxene* How many pictures have we got so far?

**Larxene: **Enough. *snickers* Who knew karaoke parties were such good times to get pictures of these pairings? *takes the Zemyx picture*

**Marluxia: **Brilliant! We're going to be rich by selling them off in eBay! *laughs*

**Demyx: **Come on, Zexy! We're going to sing now!

**Zexion: **Fine… *grumbles*

**Zexion and Demyx: **"Yo, listen up here's a story about a little guy that lives in a blue world and all day and all night. And everything he sees is just blue like him inside and outside. Blue his house with a blue little window and a blue car wreck and everything is blue for him and his self and everybody around 'cause he ain't got nobody to listen to. I'm blue. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. I'm blue. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di. Da ba dee da ba di."

**Demyx: **Now it's Xaldin and Xigbar's turn.

**Xaldin: **What?

**Xigbar: **Neat! *brings Xaldin to stage*

**Xigbar: ***takes a deep breath* "First I was afraid. I was petrified, thinking that I could never live without you by my side."

**Xaldin: "**But I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong. I grew strong. I learned how to carry on. And so you're back from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed my stupid lock. I should have made you leave your key. If I had known for just one second, you'd be back to bother me…" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

**Demyx: **Okay, Xaldin… Namine?

**Namine: ***brings Roxas up with her to the stage* Hit it, please!

**Roxas and ****Namine: "**I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby. But you keep fronting. Saying what you going do to me but I ain't seen nothing. I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby but you keep fronting. Saying what you going do to me but I ain't seen nothing. Typical. Hardly the type I fall for. I like when the physical, don't leave me asking for more. I'm a sexy mama. Who knows just how to get what I wanna. What I want to do is spring this on you back up all of the things that I told you."

**Marluxia: **Oh, I see someone getting a little too jealous.

**Axel: **What me? Jealous? You're kidding, right? *starts sweating*

**Larxene: **Hey, Axel. Why don't you duet with Roxas now?

**Axel: **Right. *pushes Namine offstage*

**Namine: **How rude! *stomps off*

**Axel and Roxas: **"The Friday sun bears down again as we drive with our friends. And on these longest days we spend. All our time trying to pretend that our stories could be true. Wantin' to be cool, the setting Sun says the day is through if only we knew.... And we all sit around here in our home town. Listen to the waves as they all crash down and watch the fire as it slowly burns away. Glowing embers fly across the sky. Here by my side, in my summer, our last summer. The world passes by in my summer, our last summer. The light makes shadows fall, surrounded by each other. Alive to watch it all, the view from our last summer. The view from our last summer...."

**Luxord: **Oh, can I have a try next? *gets up on stage* "Every night I rush to my bed with hopes that maybe I'll get a chance to see you. When I close my eyes, I'm goin' outta my head. Lost in a fairytale, can you hold my hands and be my guide? Clouds filled with stars cover your skies. And I hope it rains. You're the perfect lullaby. What kinda dream is this? You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Either way, I don't wanna wake up from you. Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Somebody pinch me, your loves to good to be true. My guilty pleasure I ain't goin' nowhere. Baby long as you're here. I'll be floating on air cause you're my… you can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. Either way, I don't wanna wake up from you."

**Demyx: **I never knew Luxord was a Beyonce fan!

**Axel: **I know…

**Marluxia: **Larx, I think we should sing next… so we won't look suspicious.

**Larxene: **I suppose so. Tee-hee. We got about seventy-three shots already. *giggles*

**Marluxia and Larxene: ***gets up on stage* "Dream a dream, lover, take me in your dream. Take me anywhere you please, boy. You're making me scream. Dream a dream, lover, love is just a dream. If you wanna set me free, boy. You're making me la la di la da da. Take me anywhere you please, boy. You're making me scream. Ooh la la di la da da. You've gotta dream a little dream. Ho! One more time, I'm back with a new rhyme. Hey! Here we go again. Ha! Turn it up my friend. No! We don't stop. Ha! We rock the spot. No! We don't quit. Get ready, oh, this is it! Do you like to dream? Hey! I like to dream, baby. Do you like to dream? Ho! I like to dream, mama. Do you like to scream? Hey! I like to scream, baby. Do you like to scream? Ho! So scream it out!"

**Demyx: **Next up are Vexen and Lexaeus.

**Lexaeus: **…

**Vexen: **Ugh! Fine… maybe a little singing before I transcribe my findings on that periodical. *gets on stage with Lexaeus*

**Lexaeus and Vexen: **"Where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods?  
Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need. I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night. He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast. And he's gotta be fresh from the fight. I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light. He's gotta be sure. And it's gotta be soon. And he's gotta be larger than life."

Hey, I'm back. So we now have Squall, Cloud, Tidus, Spehiroth, Ultimecia, Kuja, Cloud of Darkness and Emperor Mateus. And no, they are not authorized to kill each other.

**Vexen: **Thank you unexpected arrival. Time for me to go! *leaves*

**Sephiroth: **Awww man. I was hoping to…

To what? Anyways, let's start off with Cloud. Give a hand for the one and only Cloud Strife. *applauds*

**Cloud: **"Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real. There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface. Consuming, confusing, this lack of self control I fear is never ending. Controlling… I can't seem to find myself again. My walls are closing in. Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take. I've felt this way before… so insecure."

Next up is the forever-popular Squall Leonhart! Take note Squall Leonhart! A round of applause please. *applauds*

**Squall: **"I'm tired of being what you want me to be. Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface, I don't know what you're expecting of me. Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes. Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow. Every step that I take is another mistake to you. Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow. I've become so numb I can't feel you there. Become so tired so much more aware. I'm becoming this. All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you."

Sweet! I love Linkin' Park songs! Thanks, Squall. Next is Tidus! Go on, Tiddie! *giggles*

**Tidus: **"When this began, I had nothing to say and I get lost in the nothingness inside of me. I was confused and I let it all out to find that I'm not the only person with these things in mind. Inside of me, but all that they can see the words revealed. It's the only real thing that I've got left to feel. Nothing to lose. Just stuck, hollow and alone. And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own. I wanna heal, I wanna feel. What I thought was never real. I wanna let go of the pain. I've felt so long. Erase all the pain till it's gone."

Awww… I like this song. Thanks, Tidus. Now… can I get the three Weathermen to sing? Please? *puppy-dog eyes*

**Cloud: **Oh all right. Just this once.

**Squall: **Yeah… whatever.

**Cloud, Squall and Tidus: **"It starts with one thing. I don't know why. It doesn't even matter how hard you try. Keep that in mind. I designed this rhyme to explain in due time. All I know, time is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day. The clock ticks life away. It's so unreal. Didn't look out below. Watch the time go right out the window. Trying to hold on, but didn't even know. Wasted it all just to watch you go, I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard and got so far. But in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall to lose it all. But in the end, it doesn't even matter."

Awww… so awesome. Thanks, guys. You may stop now.

**Cloud: **Sure… whatever.

**Squall: **Yeah. You're welcome.

**Tidus:** You're welcome!

Next up are Cloud of Darkness and Ultimecia! Rounds of applause please! *applauds*

**Ultimecia: **"It is the end of all hope. To lose the child, the faith. To end all the innocence. To be someone like me. This is the birth of all hope. To have what I once had. This life, unforgiven. It will end with death."

**Cloud of Darkness: **"No will to wake for this morn to see another black rose born. Deathbed is slowly covered with snow. Angels, they fell first but I'm still here. Alone as they are drawing near. In heaven, my masterpiece will finally be sung."

**Ultimecia and Cloud of Darkness: **"It is the end of all hope. To lose the child, the faith. To end all the innocence. To be someone like me."

Wow! Awesome, ladies! But that's enough now because we still have one last performance. I always save the best for last so here we go Kuja, Mateus and Sephiroth to sing Holy Thunderforce! *claps really loud*

**Sephiroth: **"Face me, evil bastard!"

**Emperor Mateus: **"Smell the hate of angels! Glory!"

**Kuja: **"Pride!"

**Sephiroth: **"Bloodshed!"

**Emperor Mateus: **"Cowards and beholders, rapers of my wisdom, mix of dust and bones!"

**Sephiroth: **"Go back to your abyss, Algalor will not fall. But your heads will soon roll."

**Kuja: **"Test the blade of heroes, fury of the thunder hit my golden shield!"

**Sephiroth, Emperor Mateus and Kuja: **"So we'll fight against the wind for the glory of the kings to defeat the evil enemies. And we'll ride with our lord for the power and the throne in the name of holy thunderforce!"

Okay… that's all the time we have for now.

**Kuja: **But I'm not yet done showcasing my beautiful voice!

Shut it, Kuja! You can sing on the next chapter! And guys, I think we'll be bashing a fandom each time we get a new Sue so I don't just stick around with the normal Kingdom Hearts setting since I want to try something new. So when you review, you may drop a TV series, an anime series, a movie, etc. for us to bash. Oh, and if you have a certain character who ticks you off, I will be very happy to behead him/her for you. See ya!


	13. Our Third Sue

Oh, hi, everyone. Welcome back to So Many Funny Ways for a Nobody to Kill a Sue. Sorry for not updating for nearly a month right there but I've been busy... doing side projects and just exercising my mind since I sort of lost my imagination for about two weeks or something. I couldn't think of anything!

Anyways, no Nobodies here today since they all went to buy groceries. Instead... we have Xion!

**Xion: **Hi, guys! We're back online and we're ready to smash some Sue's head right at your monitor!

Uhh... don't you think that's far too brutal of you to say that?

**Xion: **Why are you scared of me? Huh?

Umm... no. Anyways, we're going to start this chapter in a different way since I don't want to bore you guys to death since we've been starting almost six... no, umm... eight chapters in the same way. So I kind of think that's getting too repetitive, no?

**Xion: **Yes... is this the part where you bore nearly every reader to death now? Because you sure are boring me to death.

What do you want me to do? Show them Marluxia and Larxene's stolen shots of you guys about what happens at night in The Castle That Never Was?

**Xion: **No! Not that!

See? So... I'm planning to put in-

**Xion: **No! No more extra characters guest-starring in this fic! Please! I think everyone wants to see more of the KH cast now.

Oh, fine. Fine. No more random anime people.

**Xion: **Good. Now, if we could only start the show.

No. The first fifteen minutes is always the part where we have to make our readers familiar with what's coming up next once they scroll down. Either that or we entertain them.

**Xion: **Entertain them with what? You can't even dance! Hmph!

Comedy skit?

**Xion: **Aha! I know! Can I be Punch and you're going to be Judy?

No, we are not doing dangerous slapstick comedy. Children might follow us.

**Xion: **What the heck? This fic is rated T! How can children even read this?

It's human nature to lie. I mean, seriously! How many teens are on this site that read rated M stories with lemon, fluff or whatever? Even worse, how many twelve-year-olds even know the definition of yaoi and yuri, and read those stuff?

**Xion: **Hmm... you got a point there.

Of course, I do. Wait a sec, how come my computer's on eBay? Did you buy something?

**Xion: **Uhh... no. No! I swear I didn't buy something. In fact, I sold something off eBay. And it came with an amazing profit.

Huh? What? You better have not sold anything that I own here! You hear me?

**Xion: **Relax. You're not even going to miss him.

Him? You sold a person over the Internet? Oh crap! And what's worse is that you must have sold Roxas off over the Internet!

**Xion: **No! Why would I sell one of my best friends off the Internet?

Xemnas?

**Xion: **No.

Saix?

**Xion: **No.

Luxord?

**Xion: **No.

Marluxia?

**Xion: **Nuh-uh.

Xigbar? Xaldin? Vexen?

**Xion: **No. No. And no.

Lexaeus?

**Xion: **No.

Zexion?

**Xion: **Not even close.

Aha! I know now! You sold Axel?

**Xion: **Nice guess...

You sold Axel? You do know millions of Axel fan-girls will kill us now for that.

**Xion: **I'm not yet finished! I said "Nice guess..." But no. It's not Axel.

Is he in the Kingdom Hearts series?

**Xion: **Yup.

Sora?

**Xion: **No.

Riku?

**Xion: **No. Why would I sell my- Eeep! I better shut up now.

Who the heck did you sell? Tell or I'm going to dangle you over a mob of Xion-haters!

**Xion: **Make me!

You really want me to knock you flat on the floor and drag you to the basement and lock you up there... and... and... and call 1-800-WE-HATE-XION-AND-I-JUST-SAW-HER-RIGHT-WHICH-IS-THE-REASON-WHY-I-AM-CALLING-SO-I-CAN-REPORT-WHAT-I-SAW-TO-THE-MOB-OF-ANGRY-XION-HATERS-THAT-WILL-INEVITABLY-GO-HERE-AND-KILL-HER.

**Xion: **Okay. Okay. I'll tell you. But first...

Oww! Why'd you hit me with the newspaper?

**Xion: **That's for ripping that from the Amanda Show!

Sheesh! No need to get upset over a show that's been cancelled back in 2002 only to return somewhere this December or next year.

**Xion: **Anyways, back to the original question, I sold Sephiroth on eBay. And I made big bucks.

Seriously?

**Xion: **Yup.

You're not kidding?

**Xion: **Nope.

I mean, you really sold the One Winged Angel on eBay?

**Xion: **Yes.

Like, seriously?

**Xion: **How many times do I have to say "I sold Sephiroth on eBay"! Kingdom Hearts! Are you playing dumb with me or what?

No. It's just kind of unbelievable that-

**Xion: **That what? I incapacitated Sephiroth?

Well, yeah...

**Xion: **Don't worry. I didn't though. I just bribed him with that new katana polish stuff that Japan is advertising... and a whole box of Cloud's pictures.

Holy Sniper Nobodies! You totally sold Cloud's stalk-... err... archenemy over the Internet? I really can't believe how much Tetsuya Nomura is going to sue me and bash my head repeatedly on a wooden table right now...

**Xion: **Don't worry. Sephiroth's in good hands.

You keep saying "Don't worry". How can I not worry? Sephiroth is owned and copyrighted by Square Enix and now you just sold him off to some random Internet buyer. And who knows if that buyer's going to rape Sephiroth?

**Xion: **Dude, who would want to rape Sephiroth?

Ummm... I actually don't know. But he might get drugged and get raped!

**Xion: **No, he won't. He'll just Octoslash anyone who attempts to unless it's a certain Chocobo-head we all know, like and admire. Besides, he can Black Materia anyone who tries to spike his drink.

I suppose you're right. Nomura's still going to behead me and put my head on his fireplace though...

**Xion: **Relax. I sold him off to a Japanese man.

What? You sold Nomura off too?

**Xion: **No. I meant Sephiroth. He's in Japan.

Oh good Shockwave Pulsar! What if he gets mad and makes a huge crater in Japan? Or he might even turn Japan into a crater!

**Xion: **Come on, Sephiroth can't do-... what am I saying? We need to stop that ship from reaching Japan, the opening of that crate and his release from the shackles!

And you put Sephiroth in a crate? It's official. I'm going to be sued for violation of human rights since you chained that ex-SOLDIER up and locked him in a crate! And you're like under my responsibility since you're a fictional character under the care of a nonfictional being.

**Xion: **Hey! I didn't know that this world has such laws concerning those matters!

Anyways, we got to save him!

**Xion: **Okay. Before you go put on your Batman suit and run to Gotham, what about our readers?

Right... okay, guys. Here's the part where the Sue is introduced. Enjoy!

* * *

It was a lovely lovely lovely day today!!!! I could till sense teh sun was shinning so britley today and the clouds were in lovely lovely lovely and magnificent patterns. Some of them were in the shape of bunnies. Some looked like paupu fruits. Some took on Maleficent's dragon form. And the others were just puffy bits of cotton.

And if you know me, you would know what I would be saying next, right? "OMG!!! SO KAWAIII!!!" I yelled cherrily, pointing at the clouds.

I was sitting on the lovely lovely lovely shore of Destiny Islands. My feet were half-buried in sand. And I was looking at the at the la-la-la-lovely ocean before me. The water was in a pretty shade of blue. Not that it ever changed though.

I was wearing the most beautiful pink shirt that was exposing my cleavage so every other guy could see it. And I had a long-sleeved red jacket on but it's tied at my waist because I didn't want to wear it because it would cover my big boobs. Ass for my hands, I had fingerless gloves on which extended at about until my elbow. They were violet. And I was wearing a pair of white high-heeled boots. Oh, I almost forgot... I also had a lavender skirt on which was really short, exposing my flawless legs.

(A/N: But hey, this is my story!!! So back off flamers!!! I donut toler8 dos who donut like my sotry, okay??? Besides, a sotry should always revolve on its OC!!!)

I looked to my left and saw two boys who were older than yet they were playing with wooden sticks. And they were pretending to be warriors of something. It's pretty lame though. But considering how they look, it's enough to make me want to go over there and get something on... if you know what I mean.

"Is that all you got, Sora?" I could hear the silver-haired boy playfully taunting the brunette as he easily blocked each and every one of the latter's strikes. "I was expecting more of a challenge. Only a month since we finally got back here and I think you're in need of training again." Riku flashed a joking grin on his face as his wooden stick struck Sora squarely on the chest lightly. "Touché!"

Riku then helped Sora get up on his feet. "What's the score again?"

"Let's see... I got a hundred and twenty. You... err... not even half of it." The older boy laughed and teasingly elbowed the younger boy.

Aww... they look cute, minna-san! So kawaii! I could just glomp them!

"Hey, everybody! Gomenasai that I'm interrupting your little game, Sora and Riku, but I brought cookies!" a familiar voice called out to us kids at the shore.

I looked around and saw a brown-haired girl, wearing a pink t-shirt. She looked pretty but I knew I was pretty than her. Then, she went to Sora and whispered something in his ear which made him giggle. Of course, being the jealous type of girl who doesn't want other girls to hit on her boyfriend, I stood up and was about to knock Kairi flat on the floor when I stopped and realized that I could get my revenge on her by switching her shampoo later with honey.

Oh, yes. I am very eveel! Muhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 MUHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muhahhahah... ack! I think I just swallowed a fly. Ack!... cough... cough... cough... Pthooey!

Anyways, evil laughing aside, I took a cookie and munched on it. No, wait, I think I nibblelelelbbled it for a few seconds and threw it away since I couldn't risk ruining my perfectly perfect figure with that perfectly fat-contaminated cookie!!!! Youknow, cookies maek you fet! Really! And I was really trying to conserve my skinny figure. I could be judged anorexic but I'm skinny. Even skinnier than Kairi which means I'm more good-looking than her. Better than her. For I am... oh wait... I seemed to have forgotten something.

Hole &^$%!!!1 I furget my naem! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whet am ei guing to do????????????????????/

Oh noes! I forgot my name! How terrible could this day sound? I could remember Sora, Riku and Kairi's names but... I donut no may real name!!!! Tis es my wurst dee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For three seconds, I scanned my beautifully beautiful brain for names which may have been mine. Sora? No. Riu? No. Roxas? No. Kairi? No. Zexion? ? no. Demyx? No. Ienzo? No. Ansem? Maybe... DiZ? Sounds familiar... Larxene? That sounds like a $^&%^%## name!!! Marlua? Nuh-uh... too geekerwhateverish...

Wait a sicand! I tink I nu nao! It's prolly Rick... oh wait... that's not my name. Uhhh.... maybe I should go ask for help.

So I went over to Sora and Riku and asked them what my name was. Kairi tried to cut in but I slapped her with a fork. And she shut up while Sora and Riku laughed at her because she was being a preppy %^&#%$# and a %^#$%^! whore.

"Say what's that girl's name from Pirates of the Carribean Three again, Sora?" Riku asked the brunette who was still in fits of laughter from Kairi getting slapped with a fork.

And when Sora didn't answer, Riku poured a pitcher of orange juice on the kid.

"Okay. Okay, Riku. I'll stop." The boy stopped laughing as the cold and sticky orange-colored orange juice spilled on him. "I think she was Elizabeth?"

"Thar we goo! Elizabeth." Riku smiled at me.

I blushed. "But do you know my name?"

"Umm... sorry. I forgot. For some reason, I don't even remember you being on Destiny Islands with us... until now," he said... sexily.

I gasped. It seemed that he didn't want me here or did he?

"Neh, I was kidding. You can stay here all you like."

YEAY! I am officially a tropical girl whatever! Yes!!!1

"I think I want the name Anne Kitsune Pearl Minako Tifa California October November December Boleyn! And my nickname's Elizabeth... cool!" I sighed... sexily!

"Guys, don't we know another Tifa here?" Kairi tried to get up.

But I slapped her again. This time, I used the pitcher and I accidentally knocked her unconscious. Hah! %^$%^ botc! And his was teh start of teh formashun of a new treeo.

(A/N: PLz revyu fipol!!!1 I donut car eff u film! I jez won constrictive crtizism! Styx!)

* * *

Oh, Kingdom Hearts and the forces of Chaos, I don't think I've trolled this much before. Even if it was hard to write, it's pretty funny to read though. Last chapter, I only trolled Kitty/Cat or whatever-you-wanna-call-her's lines. This time, I can't believe I killed myself writing a short but silly chapter. But it's all for you guys.

**Xion: **Hey! I thought we were trying to save your butt, Japan's butt and Sephiroth's butt! We're not here to host Oprah!

I know, Xion. I'm just going to notify the readers what is coming next for them once they scroll down some more.

**Xion: **You really want to be Mr. Popularity, huh?

Shut up! You know I don't!

**Xion: **Yes, you do! What's all this friendliness to your audience then? You have plans to be Mr. Universe! I can tell!

No, I don't! Geez, Xion. Anyways, ignore her. She's just ticked off that we now have to go to Japan, reclaim Sephiroth and hope Nomura doesn't sue me for that eBay thing.

**Xion: **Dude, just chill! Sephiroth's not a toddler. He can take care of himself! You're like even more anxious than a college student who is expecting a good grade from the examination.

Whatever...

**Xion: **Besides, he has those Materia stuff to blast any rapists away.

**Yuffie: **Did somebody say Materia? Who's been touching Materia, huh?

Oh discord! Yuffie! Don't give me a fright like that. Hey! How'd you manage to get in the car?

**Yuffie: **I heard "Materia"! And I figured I could probably get it... for my friends?

Yuffie! How many times do I have to tell you? No stealing! Besides, this is a Kingdom Hearts fanfic. Please go plunder someone else's fic.

**Xion: **Dude, if you haven't noticed, she was there with Squall or Leon in Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2.

Really?

**Yuffie: **Yeah! I was there in Olympus Coliseum with Leon, Cloud and Tifa!

For real?

**Yuffie: **Yeah! And I was teleporting around the arena, vanishing in wisps of thick gray smoke. I also attack Sora with my gigantic shuriken! See this?

Okay, Yuffie. Please put it away before you hit me and we crash into something.

**Yuffie: **But aren't you too young to be driving?

Well, what do you want? A fifteen-year-old replica who has barely got any experience with driving or a teenager who has minimal experience?

**Yuffie: **I vote neither. Should I call Cid?

Uhhh... no. He'd be mad once he gets word of what we're up to.

**Yuffie: **What are you two up to anyway?

**Xion: **Well... we're going to rescue Seph-... mffff!

Shhh, Xion! That's going to be our Christmas present for Cloud, remember? We don't want to spoil his gift by telling Yuffie, right?

**Xion: **It is? Oh yeah, it is! Next time, please don't shove a random cloth in my mouth to stop me from talking.

Okay...

**Yuffie: **Oh yeah! Christmas! I got to get those guys something.

And while you're at it, go get Leon some puppies... preferably those little cute Dalmatians that are scattered all over the Kingdom Hearts universe.

**Xion: **He likes that?

Yeah! He walks Angelo, right? So he's obviously another dog person.

**Yuffie: **Good idea! Leon will obviously like puppies. Aww, those cute-sy frolicking canines.

**Xion: **But won't Cloud cry when he sees Leon have puppies for Christmas and he doesn't?

Don't be ridiculous, Xion. Cloud's not a toddler. He won't cry when-... what am I saying? Oh discordant heavens! He got lost in Holla Bastion!

**Yuffie: **It's Hollow Bastion, silly. There's no such thing as a Holla Bastion. If it's a place you're looking for, it's Hollow Bastion.

I knew that. I was just testing you guys.

**Xion: **I think you're taking the trolling too far.

No, I'm not.

**Yuffie: **Well, guys, I think I'm getting off here since I have to look for puppies for both Cloud and Leon.

How many are you going to give to each of them?

**Yuffie: **Hmm... thirty-three!

What about the other thirty-five?

**Yuffie: **What about me? Don't I deserve puppies too?

Oh, okay. See ya, Yuffie!

**Yuffie: **Okay! Catch you guys, later! Just call me when you find some Materia!

**Xion: **Sure! Bye, Yuffie!

Okay, guys. Now, the next few paragraphs will a corrected but still crappy version of the story in the omniscient point of view. Here we go! Enjoy!

* * *

She was sitting on the nice warm sands of the beach. Staring at the wonderful sky of red and orange, she never felt so relaxed like this before. It was as if she had been separated from her home for so long and now that she was back there was nothing that could possibly go wrong. Her feet, half-submerged in the sand. As she lay down on her back, she smiled. This was where her home always was and will ever be... Destiny Islands.

She looked at her side and saw two boys playing with wooden swords. They seemed to be engaging each other in a friendly duel with Riku having the upper hand at the moment. She snickered as Riku taunted Sora for a few seconds, temporarily enraging Sora and giving the brunette's strikes more ferocity and speed. However, it only took a few more minutes before Riku hit Sora lightly with his sword at the chest and toppled the younger boy with a push from his free hand.

"Game over, Sora. I win... as always," Riku said cockily, smiling at Sora. "You've only been back here for only quite a while and your fighting skills have remarkably... deteriorated. So now... it's 300-10."

The silver-haired boy helped Sora back on his feet and the two engaged in another conversation whilst the other girl stared at them dreamily. In her mind, she was thinking about Sora and Riku proposing to her for marriage and the two were arguing on who would be the one to marry her.

She sighed. "That would just be so romantic... and they're the best kind of boyfriends I could ever think up for myself. So... hot," she said to herself, smiling secretly. "But... I just feel so sorry for Kairi that she'll never be able to get them." She snickered.

Suddenly, a girl's voice called out to them, "Guys, I'm sorry to interrupt whatever you are doing but come over here! I baked you all a batch of cookies! And they're really quite good if I may say so. Come and get it while it's hot!"

The black-haired girl looked at Kairi, half-irked off at her sudden appearance but she just kept it to herself. She did not want to cause another cat fight. Especially not with Kairi, Sora and Riku's female friend. Instead, she picked herself up and followed Sora and Riku as they went over to Kairi. Each boy took a cookie from the plate Kairi was carrying. And after the two guys took one bite of it, they both shot each other glances before simultanouesly nodding and smiling at Kairi, indicating that her cookies were a success.

Kairi gave each a light kiss on the cheek and hugged them all. As the black-haired girl watched this, she clenched her fists, vowing revenge on this tropical islander for stealing her soon-to-be boyfriends.

"I won't allow this!" In her mind, she could just visualize strangling Kairi herself and forcing the whole cookie down her throat as the latter gasped for air.

Tune in to "When Mary Sues Attack the KH Fandom"...

* * *

Now, how about that?

**Xion: **You totally ripped that from the Amanda Show too!

Oww! But it's funny, right?

**Xion: **Nothing's funny about plagiarism.

Ingrate! Next chapter, I won't be featuring you anymore.

**Xion: **I don't care. After we get Sephiroth back, the no-war truce is over, okay?

You got it, replica doll!

**Xion: **Stop calling me that! You're not Saix! Unless... unless I use my keyblade to carve you a new set of scars on your face!

No! Not the face! Don't you dare touch my face, Xion! You hear me? Or else, I shall expose the stolen footages from the night-time surveillance cameras in The Castle That Never Was!

**Xion: **You wouldn't dare!

Yes, I would. After all, I hold the almighty weapon against all canon characters! Behold the mighty keyboard of omnipotence! Fear its potency, fictional character!

**Xion: **I'm supposed to be scared again... why?

I'm going to make you do the Caramelldansen... 24/7!

**Xion: **Bring it, poser!

Just wait! I'm going to... hey, look! A Britney Spears CD! In... the Organization XIII's car? Why?

**Xion: **Uhhh... please don't tell them! please I beg you for the balance of what's good and not evil!

Please... spare me the goodness talk. I play both sides of the conflict. I am both good and evil. Sadness and joy. Pleasure and pain. Despair and hope. Tragedy and humor. Light and darkness...

**Xion: **Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I'm talking to a thesaurus! Geez! Stop it with antonyms and synonyms!

Fine... anyways, do you know that Axel's the new Britney Spears?

**Xion: **Seriously? Why? Did he shave his head bald or walk into a party without underwear or something along those lines?

No... here's a video...

_**~Video by Unaccredited Citizen of The World That Never Was~**_

"_Roxy, my darling, are you seeking Amy?"_

"_Who's Amy?"_

"_You know... Amy!"_

"_Well, why would I be looking for her? I'm looking for my socks. My last pair of socks was vandalized by some obsessed fan who wrote 'Roxas rocks my socks' like all over it... in blue."_

"_I see..."_

"_Axel, can you help me find my socks?"_

"_Okay. But first, you have to answer my question: Are you looking for Amy?"_

"_Nope."_

"_You're supposed to ask 'Why'."_

"_Why?"_

"_Well... if you seek Amy, and you know you'll have a good time."_

"_That makes no sense- oof! Axel! Get off me! And what are you doing to my clothes?"_

_**~End of Video Presentation~**_

**Xion: **Axel made absolutely no sense at all.

Yes, he did. Say Axel's last line.

**Xion: **Well... if you seek Amy, and you know you'll have a good time.

Got it?

**Xion: **No... and who's this Amy? Are they replacing me with that Gothic Lolita chick you've been obsessed with lately?

No! I'm not THAT obsessed with Amy Sorel. But no, that's not the Amy. Say the first part slowly.

**Xion: **Which part? They're all in one sentence!

The one with the dependent clause.

**Xion: **If you seek Amy?

Yep. So do you get it?

**Xion: **Nope.

Try again. More sloowlyy. 'Kay?

**Xion: **Okay. Iif yoouu seeeek Aamyy. I don't get it.

Again! Sloooooweeeeer!

**Xion: **Iiiiif yooooouuuuu seeeeeeeeeek Aaaaamyyyyy... oh Kingdom Hearts! My best friends are gay! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Great... Xion! Wait! Don't... leave. We're not about to end yet? Great... she left. And we're supposed to have fifteen more minutes before we can actually end the show. So anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter. The next one will be a continuation of this, a troll and a corrected crap. Oh, and to let you guys know what's coming up next, I'm going to drag in the new as-of-now confirmed characters for Birth By Sleep. No, there will be no Somebodies of the Nobodies since that would be like denying them of their existence. But... I'll be bringing some of Dissidia's cast, fair enough? Hope so. Please review. It makes me happy. I apologize for not updating once again. And now, I'm off to my rejuvenating corner. See ya!


	14. Sorry, An Announcement Interruption

_(Technically not a chapter but I feel that this is important enough to post as a chapter by itself.)_

Okay, I've been away for quite some time and now I'm back on this fic. Yeah, this fic is the first one that I want to come back to once my Christmas vacation ends.

I have a very important announcement here that I should've put at the first chapter:

"I, myself, have no problem against fics that have a bit of typos and grammatical errors here and there. I also have no problems against original characters... as long as they are not Sues.

But... I am against fics which have very ridiculous typos that repeat themselves and Mary Sues that try to relate to the reader but are still Mary Sues."

That is my announcement.

And I do not know about some of you but I've recently come across several badly-written fics. I use the term "badly" because aside from the fact that the writers come from a country with English as its primary language the fic itself is almost unrelated to the actual canon universe.

For example, I recall a fic that characterizes Kairi as a girl who always wears pink but has a black dress in her closet. And there is another one where Sephiroth actually shows compassion to the main character that is obviously an original character. There is even one that even depicts Cloud as an extremely hyper Leon-obsessed student. Yes, that's Leon as in Squall Leonhart.

Although some of them had already admitted that the canon characters were OOC and were classified as humor (that's fine), there were some that weren't. Guess what? The ones that didn't admit that the canon characters were reduced to mumbling sex toys had Mary Sues as their main characters.

There were some that had the feel of a preppy cheerleader Sue. These were the ones that were easily distinguished. However, there were those whom the author forced to have a tragic past. These were the ones that were always appreciated and disregarded as a Sue.

But guess what? I know what Mary Sues are and I admit that I used to write stories with Mary Sues but so far I've deleted them from here because aside from they had Mary Sues, they were very bad stories. Rushed, unbelievable and just plain spouted from the fantasies of my over-imaginative mind. Of course, I admit that they were Mary Sues.

But there are some who are incredibly incredulous about their OCs as Mary Sues.

Here are some itty bitty little telltale signs that the fic you are reading has a Mary Sue as the main character. (Canon characters don't count.)

Name. The name is usually a dead giveaway for Mary Sues. But I'm not saying that your OC doesn't need an awesome name. Just be careful with the name that you pick. Don't pick something like Maria Elizabeth Victoria Ursula Benedicta Malefica Eleanor Swayne or Vivianne Linderelleta Baeumonte or even the popular Renesmee Carlisle Cullen. You may name your OC after a noun or an adjective but just be careful.

Absolute perfection. I don't know why but they're perfect. They can ace a 500-item entrance exam to a prestigious university without even breaking a sweat even if the institute is known for its unbelievably difficult examinations. Or they can actually beat Sephiroth in a swordfight. Or they can even capture the eyes of both Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart with her "kawaiiness"... even if these two are naturally cold at heart. Plus, she makes villains like Sephiroth and Ultimecia bow down to her greatness even if these two would not accept anyone who is better than them. and she's always right and doing the right thing even if most people can't or won't do it.

Powers. One is always the best number. Two or more is okay... as long as you don't turn your character into a goddess of some sort. For example, Dina can fly, teleport, read minds, control fire, summon aeons, levitate objects, talk to animals and lift up to 10,000,000 tons! Now, can you say that is a Mary Sue? Yes. Yes, she is. Why? All her powers don't add up. Unless you say something like Dina is a psychic, that's why she can read minds, predict the future, lift things with her mind and know the past of objects just by touching them. Or even Dina is the Forgotten Deity of the Elemental Realms, that's why her powers include pyrokinesis, cryokinesis, electrokinesis, earth manipulation and aerokinesis. Got it? If your character has to have multiple powers, make sure they add up to avoid Sue-like tendencies.

Background. A normal past is of normal range but sometimes it's boring, of course. And you are excused for giving your character at least one traumatic experience. But don't overdo it! If your character has amnesia, make sure she doesn't randomly remember crap that she's not supposed to know or remember since she has amnesia. And unless she's being an attention whore or someone with selective amnesia, she is not excused. Plus, if your character is new to their powers, they should mess up at least seven times (once a day) before finally getting a grasp of it. It doesn't conform to reality that someone like Simon Le'Corre can immediately control his power of plant manipulation as soon as he discovers or acquires them. No, he has to at least get into some mishap first before learning how to control it or have someone teach him. That makes more sense, doesn't it?

No effort. Yeah, the mighty Maria Clarisse Lenore singlehandedly slays Ultimecia's pet statues without even a single scratch. And it's just her first day of training with the sorceress herself. Is it possible? No! But the following situation is more believable. Marluxia bade Elle to go to Hollow Bastion to defeat a group of Shadow Heartless. But since she was new to these kinds of missions, she mistakenly teleported herself to Wonderland and got into an argument with the Queen of Hearts whose soldiers she mistook as Heartless since she didn't have any proper training whatsoever outside The Castle That Never Was. She escaped the Queen's wrath with a few bruises on her arm but she still had to go to Hollow Bastion. After finally getting there, she was immediately surrounded by Heartless. She managed to defeat two of them before getting ganged up by the remaining Heartless and she had to be rescued by Axel. See the difference?

Irresistible charms. On their first meeting, Belle immediately abandons Gaston for the sparkly and unbelievably charming Frederick who is even rumoured to be a legendary pirate thief. And then, after five minutes of talking, they make out in a dark alley before taking their relationship to the next level. Even if this Frederick is wearing a midriff, fishnet stockings and leather fingerless gloves that reach until his elbows. Three days later, he shows up with three other women who he is also dating with. Yeah, no matter how ridiculous the Sue is, the pitiful fandom population has to love him/her.

Weird crap that's not even supposed to be in the fandom. For example, Charlie Durkins wields the mighty power of the keyblade and an inner demon that was sealed inside him when he was born. Or meet Layla Willers who possesses bat wings, angel wings and cat ears, uses Soul Calibur and fights alongside Sora and Riku in their adventures. Demons and cat ears are not even in Kingdom Hearts...

Things that usually accompany stories like this would usually be:

Science fail. Yes, people who write Sues usually are people who have no idea about anatomy and stuff. For example, there would be an instance that the main character describes herself as extremely skinny but really busty with triple J-cap boobs or something. Some even insist that stitches are followed up by a band-aid. And there are those who think you can talk while being strangled. That is fail for you.

OOC canon characters. Cloud and Squall are sissies who run and fight another day while Ultimecia would acknowledge the strength of another person's powers. Sora ditches Kairi for an unknown slutty girl from who-knows-where. And Riku magically starts rambling on about Shakespeare while Kuja starts screaming "OMFG! WTF! BRB! ROTFLOL! LMAO!" Chaos would sympathize with someone else's mixed feelings for Kefka.

False facts. I doubt some of these people have never done their research or even played the game. They think Ultimecia can read people's minds. No, she can only bring unconscious thoughts to life which is but a limited type of mind reading. They think Cloud of Darkness is a woman when clearly only form is female. They think Xion was born in Hollow Bastion when it was stated that she said herself that she was born in Castle Oblivion.

Typos. I know typos aren't a big deal. Everyone makes them. But usually these stories have the same typo on multiple chapters. And some are downright ridiculous. Typing "wanked" instead of "walked", "krill" instead of "kill", "tragik" instead of "tragic" and "membrane" instead of "member" is just fail. It is impossible to mistype these... more than once and think that it's all right! Same goes for misspelling "shelf" for "self" four times in a row in the same paragraph. That's just ignorance and not carelessness.

Grammar mistakes. Once in a while, grammar mistakes are all right. They're normal. But repeatedly neglecting punctuation and subject-verb agreement is just atrocious. Sometimes, it takes the readers about five minutes of their lives to actually read something right! Typing something like "Jecht was lifting up the bed and was tossed on the floor" just confuses me. I could have sworn Jecht can't be lifting and falling at the same time. Multiple exclamation marks and ellipses are also annoying. Three periods and one exclamation mark are fine.

Absolute nonsense. Half the time, the characters are doing nothing and running around, doing people things. Things like brushing their teeth, doing grocery and sleeping. And they write the way we could describe the daily routines of our life. It's just boring...

Getting out of the rating and genre. Apparently, some of these probably don't even know what they are writing about. I've read some humor fics which were not funny at all that featured a hyperactive self-insert. Or romance that was pretty much senseless implied sex to me. And those that exceed the rating with cuss words. It's irksome but it's really common with badly-written stories.

I'm not saying that a perfect fic is without all of these but sometimes it just irks me off that people would actually write like this and get "good" reviews while I know that there are a lot of others who actually write better and still not get a review at all.

I mean, it's too much. Really. Sometimes, I don't know where the good writers are anymore. So... I promise that on the next chapter, we shall bring the hate.

It will be posted next week... hopefully if school doesn't flood my desk with written projects again. Heheh.


	15. BbS Recap of the Roster and Continue

Hey, guys. We're back. And I just remembered a very important Nobody... Namine!

**Namine: **Hey, guys! *waves at readers*

Okay, Namine. You can be camera lady since we've upgraded the fic to be like a TV show.

**Namine: **What? Seriously? I'm just going to be a camerawoman in this fic?

But... you get paid for it! Munnny, remember?

**Namine: **Right. Okay then. But that better be a large sum.

Sure... whatever. Anyways, *looks at readers* we're back and...

**Roxas: **And kicking!

That's my line.

**Roxas: **But... *pouty face*

Fine, Roxas. You get to steal my line. But just because the fan girls adore you doesn't mean I'm going to let you off the hook!

**Roxas: **What do you mean?

Ahem, never mind. Anyways, we shall now call on the new characters' names of the confirmed roster for Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep. Better known by the acronym BBS. Applause please.

**Organization XIII: ***applauds while sitting in a row against a plain blue background*

Okay, first up, *takes out paper* we have Jaq, Drizella and Anastasia (the stepsisters), Lucifer (the cat who'll be a freaking boss), Grand Duke, Prince Charming and Lady Tremaine (the evil stepmother). The next set includes Jumba, Gantu, Experiment 221 and the Grand Councilwoman. We also have the seven dwarves, the Prince, the Queen and the Magic Mirror who'll be a boss. Prince Philip and Maleficent's goblin-like goons will be appearing too alongside the Lost Boys... and... err...

**Roxas: **Let me read that. *snatches paper away and tries to read it* Horace Horsecollar and that's about it. How can you not understand your own handwriting?

I was confused. Heheh... anyways, Zack Fair is confirmed to appear in BBS but I think he's going to be... umm... cut off from existence, seeing as there is no mention of his name in KH, Days, Re: CoM and KH2. And he's the only Final Fantasy character, aside from the Moogles, to be appearing there. And now, to the somebodies of the Nobodies!

**Roxas: **Wow... but it's not like everybody's somebody will be in the game.

Awww, cheer up, Roxas. Hey, Sora's still in the game, you know. The somebodies include Braig, Dilan, Ienzo, Aeleus, Even, Lea, Isa and... Master Xehanort? And the rest of the original characters are, as you know, Terra, Aqua, Ventus and Master Eraqus.

**Larxene: **Hey! What about my somebody? Doesn't the rest of the Organization deserve the same treatment? How come that everybody's somebody has either been disclosed already during Kingdom Heart 2 or even in 358/2 Days except for me, Marly's, Demy's and Luxord's?

**Demyx: ***singing* Turn around, bright eyes!

...

**Larxene: **Well? Don't make me punch your pretty face! *threatening glare*

**Roxas: **Would you calm down for just a second? It's not his idea to develop BBS!

**Xigbar: **The little kid has a point.

**Roxas: **Who are you calling little?

**Larxene: **I suppose that the shrimp has a point.

**Roxas: **Shrimp? *puts on a no-one-really-likes-me face*

Roxas? Are you okay? You better not go "emo boy" right now or I'm going to push you into a volcano. You know that I dislike emo people.

**Roxas: **I'm not.

Well, if you are, I'm going to have to push you into a volcano because that's what I do to people who are not supposed to be emo but they pretend to be emo. You want that?

**Roxas: **No...

Good. Anyways, we have three special guests from the BBS cast! Welcome, Terra, Aqua and Zack Fair!

**Terra, Aqua and Zack: ***enter* Hey, everybody.

Hey, guys. Looking sharp! *winks at the trio*

**Terra: ***runs over to Roxas* Hey, Ventus! No one told me you're a famous TV star! *proceeds to ruffle Roxas's hair* And to think Aqua and I were busy saving the world while you were having fun in here.

**Roxas: **Ahhh! *tries to escape* Let go! I don't know who you're talking about. And I've never seen you before.

**Terra: **You're so funny, Ven! *ruffles Roxas's hair further* Heh, you're just trying to trick me into letting you go just so you can ruffle my hair back. Clever little sneak.

**Xigbar: **Hey, that's my line! *gets up from seat*

Calm down, Xigbar. No need to fight now. Conserve your energy for the Sue extermination process.

**Xigbar: **But he stole my line! Nobody steals my lines.

**Demyx: **Chill, Xiggy! Let me play you a song. It's called "On Broken Sitar Strings".

Oh, here we go again. *whispers to readers* He's been playing that song to everyone for nearly three weeks now.

**Larxene: **I still don't get why I don't have a somebody to represent me in BBS! Am I that insignificant or something? Hey! I nearly killed Sora in Re: CoM, remember?

**Marluxia: **Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Relax, I don't have a somebody too.

**Larxene: **But I'm really important and the only female. I deserve better treatment than this!

**Saix: ***looks at Axel* This is your fault that I got a girly somebody name.

**Axel: **What did I do?

**Saix: **You were friends with me before.

**Axel: **I didn't say that line. It was you! And you're the one who addressed me by my "real name", you know.

**Saix: **Lea? I swear I was making it up.

**Axel: **Now, you're going to be known as Isa, got it memorized?

**Terra: **Ventus! *starts squishing Ventus in a bear hug*

**Roxas: **Get off me! You're smothering me-mffff!

**Aqua: **Terra? I think you're killing him.

**Zack: **Uhh... aren't you too young to be wearing a cloak? Are you like Little Red Riding Hood's male counterpart?

**Zexion: **No! I'm Zexion and I'm with the Organization. I'm not affiliated with this Riding Hood you speak of.

**Zack: **Uh-huh. I think I've heard your name before... are you popular with the ladies or something? I think I've heard it before from a bunch of people in... Radiant Garden? You're with Ansem or something like that, huh?

**Zexion: **Mind your own problems. I'm off to the library. Let's go Vexen and Lexaeus. We've got more important things to do, books to read and keybladers to manipulate.

**Vexen: **Very well. Let us leave this boring place.

**Lexaeus: **... *follows Vexen and Zexion's lead before disappearing into a Corridor of Darkness*

Okay... Zack, please understand that Zexion's pretty much the "stay away from me because I don't know you and trust you yet" kind of person. But trust me, he means well... uhh... sort of.

**Luxord: **Got any ones?

**Xaldin: **Go fish.

**Xemnas: ***stares at Luxord and Xaldin playing poker*

**Xion: **Okaaaaayyy... I'm going to leave now. *silently sneaks out and runs to the nearest WalMart*

Xion? Great... *goes over to Terra* Terra, let go off the orange-haired male Thumbelina... NOW!

**Terra: **Oh okay. *backs off Roxas*

**Roxas: ***whispers* Why does everyone think I'm so short? The host of this fic is...

You continue that sentence and I will seriously see to it that you'll be seeing Monstro's Nobody and Heartless!

**Roxas: **Monstro has a Nobody and a Heartless?

Are you going to shut up or not?

**Roxas: **Shutting up about your height.

Good! I don't like people who compare with their freaking gi-normous (jai-normus) physique, and I know that's not a word... and be looked down on... literally!

**Roxas: **I know that feeling, you know.

No, you don't! Anyways, can somebody bring in the real Ventus?

**Aqua: **I told you he's not Ventus.

**Terra: **How would you know? Are you his girlfriend or something?

**Aqua: **Hey! At least I don't attempt to murder Ventus with a bone-crushing bear hug.

That's enough you two. Here comes Ventus!

**Ventus: **Hi, everybody! Sorry, I was late. There was this guy wearing black who took me to this... *stops and stares in awe at Roxas*

**Zack: **No way! Are those two twins?

**Xigbar: **Those clever little sneaks? I can't believe my eyes! *rubs eyes*

**Xaldin: **Any fives?

**Luxord: **Go fish.

**Xaldin: **I suck at this game. *storms off*

**Luxord: **I win! I win!

**Demyx: ***singing* Every night I toss and turn in my sleep... because I can't seem to play...

Demyx? Uhh... you're overdoing the refrain. Stop it before you start breaking glasses.

**Axel: **It's your fault we got girly names.

**Saix: **No, it's yours.

**Axel: **Yours.

**Saix: **Yours.

Okaaay, Ventus?

**Ventus: ***snaps out of spell* What?

Meet your lookalike, Roxas. Roxas, meet Ventus.

**Ventus: **Am I related to him in any way?

Uhh... this is going to be a long story. Here's the first half of this chapter. Enjoy. And... don't forget to flame!

**Roxas: **They can't flame this fic. If they did, they'd be flaming this thing as a whole.

Right... never mind. Enjoy.

* * *

(AN: To the person whose triing to repot this, bak oof flammable! If u don't lick it, other pepol xure du! So... eat tat #$%$#!!!1 I hev so meny PMS seying that this is teh beast sotry lik evaRRR in this site!!1 oh, an my friend hu betaes tis was nit eble to cum 2dee so… I corrected most of the mistaeks hir aneway. So… uah nejoy!)

Hello, every1!!!!! Im bak and now im gonna go start teh sotry with a very shirt narratin of meh!!!!1! yeay 4 me!!1

So, I were wearing a nyc blue and broen corset. With a green ant violet mini mini mini skirt w/c exposed meh flawlessessessesses legs. And I had jz put on masscarah this morning witch is why I look so youg and blooming and pretty and lovely and beutiful and gorgeus and sexy and hot. See??? Im too sexy for any other gril in Kindgom Hearts. Because I no I am the sexiest gril alife. Ahahahha!!!

Anyay, continuing on fro the last part of meh sotry, I was walking down the bech admingrin th sunset. And u no, it was so luvly!!!!1! da orange anf the yelo of th seunet was so pretty. If it were a person, it would b pretty 2 but of course im prettyer so its not going 2 b prettyer ten me still. Mawing on, I feel teh kewl blu wet water under my toes (which had purple nail-polish by the way… mayking it so kawaii and pretty and sparkly and glittery and purple-y and glittery!!!!!1). and ten der was a lighting!!!!1 And ten, BOOM1!!!! Dunder!!!1

I was scarred. I was always scarred of lightingstorms… lik ever sins I was yang. Yah, bad experinse. I was lick 1 yr old back then when der wuz eh lightingstorm w/c hit my haus and it burst in2 flames, krilling my familee. Bt I didnt rli care becoss my mom was being a %^*&%&*(%^)ing b^&% tat day and my dad was a m&(%(^&%(&^%&) and my other siblngis were (&%&*%^$!!!!!1 so I dunt rly care that their death.

So… bak to teh origaminal sotry, there wuss a lightingstorm an I were scarred. So, u no wat I did??????????/ I went to ranning Sora and Rsku. And I assed tehm to hold me becos I was sacred. And ten, the *^$%&*ing blotvh Kairi wasthere. And she was starring at me liek I were sim kind of aminal!!!!1 augh!! JEZX becos im sexier and prettyet and beutifuller tan her doesnt mayke her bitter than I am!!!!!1 bt anywhay tats no point. So, I pick up a stone form the fleur and threw it at her. And she died. Hahah!!!!1 im so good no?

W8, she didn di. She jz fel unconsciously. So eenie-meanie… Minnie… mouse… uhh… watt? So, I grab Sora anmd Riku's jhand and walked with tem to somewhere on distance Islands. Hell, yah!!!!!1

So... now im liek in teh Secret Place... wit Sora and Riku!!!!1 yes, Im with tem!!1 rly makes u jelusss ha?/ wel, I don't ^&%$^&$^&% about it coz well be having so meanie babies aftur were dun n git awt uf her. Hahahahahaha!!!1 HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!1!!!!

Oh, and Kairi's guarding teh oor like a silly ltle guard dog bbcause she's a &%^&$%^# which means lek a femaaly dog. So yeah, she shood guard teh dor. Yeah, cos I kno tet the Secret Place has a door!!11! Im so smurf, right?/???? teehe. So smat. And all these people are so dumdum hahah. Man, I could've sworn I'm shoe peoplur in tis !!!

(AN: Luv-luv-luv it? It's nyc right? Lik, nicer ten Twiligth an Hairy Potter put 2geder rite? Oh, I no im so gud at tis. I cunt stop riting tis sotry!!!!!1 arn ur ol enjoycing it 2!!!!1!!12 hem, leaf a review, ka? I wana no wat u tink bawt meh sotry su fur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I no its nyc end bitter ten tuh 1 hu's filming disk sotry thet Sayer kid!!!!1! tet ^($%&^%(*&! I hop tat his gun form thi syt lik 4everrrrrr cuz hes nut fery nyc 2 my sotry!!!!1!!1! u no, eh kipson fliming eat!!!!!!!1 so I repot hm to teh admeans so tey xan ban hm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1)

* * *

Wow… I think my brain just died writing that.

**Xemnas: **Then, why'd you write it, fool?

It was for the other people's sake of entertainment! I have to make little sacrifices.

**Xemnas: **And turning off the AutoCorrect function as well as inserting nearly-dead batteries in your keyboard counts as trolling so bad too?

Uhh… yeah? *big grin*

**Xemnas: **Humans like you are worthless. You are all only worth keeping for the formation of Kingdom Hearts. *leaves*

Okay… someone so did not get a backrub this morning. *giggle*

**Axel: **It's karma. Admit it! It was your idea to give me a girly name. And now, you have one too.

**Saix: **No! Lea was just a slip of the tongue. I didn't mean it. I was supposed to say Ale!

**Luxord: **Did someone mention liquor?

Uhh... no. Just no. Take your seat, Luxord. No alcohol because if you drink it... things are going to get nasty. Trust me, KH fans. You do not want to be here when Luxord is drunk.

**Luxord: **But I want some wine. It's good for the heart.

True but... you drink too much and that's like telling them to be alcoholic... like you. But the only thing is that you guys don't die of poisoning.

**Luxord: **Umm... so can you suggest me what I can do to get my daily dosage of liquor then?

Leave the fic momentarily and drink it, I suppose.

**Luxord: **Good enough. Rum heaven here I come! *warps away*

Okay... now where's... Terra? Aqua? Ventus? Hello?

**Axel: **It's your fault. So Isa should be a good punishment for you. Nya-ha!

**Saix: **No way! I was kidding when I called you Lea. Who wrote that into the game? It was not supposed to be there.

Face it, you two. Both of you have girls' names as your original names. Period. Stop arguing with that. Saix, go give Xemnas a backrub. He's all cranky right now, you know. And we can't let him stay pissed because remember what happened two nights ago when he was cranky and he caught Xaldin, who was drunk, talking to Kingdom Hearts?

**Saix: **Yeah... so?

Do you seriously want the world to suffer an earthquake of a tremendous magnitude?

**Axel: **Dude, chill. I think Xemnas was just constipated.

Okay... but still you do not want a cranky Xemnas catching you not going on missions to who-knows-what, right?

**Axel: **Uh-huh...

So?

**Saix: **Fine... I'm leaving. But you better pay me. Backrubs aren't for free. Especially when they're for Xemnas. *leaves*

Please, it's not like he doesn't gain something from rubbing Xemnas's back. I mean, come on! Does he expect me to believe the made-up lie that he hates giving Xemnas backrubs?

**Larxene: **I'm still enraged that I don't have my real name released yet! *shakes fists in the air*

**Marluxia: **Calm down, Larxene. There must be a good reason why there are still four of us who don't have names.

**Demyx: **Yeah, I still don't have a name too. And Luxord. Don't forget Luxord.

Hmm... Zack, have you seen where Terra, Ventus Aqua... and Roxas are?

**Zack: **No idea. Hey, look! This block looks interesting. *picks up Rubix cube* Can I borrow it?

Knock yourself out... not literally, of course. Just make sure you don't break it.

**Zack: **Yes! *enthusiastically plays with the Rubix cube*

Darn those three. I shouldn't have let them get out of my sight like that... anyways, here's a non-troll version of the story so far. Enjoy.

* * *

Back then, Kairi offered a platter of freshly-baked cookies to the two boys and the mysterious girl who was washed up on their island just a few days ago. Although it was weird to be friendly with a total random stranger, it was customary for the kids on Destiny Islands treat unexpected guests like that with utmost hospitality.

While happily munching on Kairi's cookies, Sora and Riku were talking about their heroic moments back when the entire Kingdom Hearts universe was in danger. As these two boys were chatting with each other, Elizabeth was eyeing the platter of cookies carefully as if it were some kind of animal that was about to jump on her and eat her up.

"Uhh... Kairi, what are these... constructions?" the girl pointed at the cookies and at the same time making a disgusted face. "Are these like carbs or something? 'Cuz you should like know like that I try so hard to like you know like retain this sexy figure of mine like forever since like it took me like ten years of like dieting on low-carb bread."

Kairi let out a little laugh and reassure her that the cookies were one hundred percent-healthy made with natural ingredients and had zero fat content. "So just try one. If you don't like it, don't force yourself to eat it. Okay? I mean, I wouldn't want to mess with that sexy figure of yours."

After which, Elizabeth reached for a cookie, choosing the smallest one. A feat which Kairi noticed and, to her surprise, the black-haired girl was having trouble on deciding which cookie was the smallest since they were all in the same size to begin with. But no, Elizabeth convinced herself that there was at least one cookie which would smaller than the rest.

After five minutes of rummaging through the platter of five cookies, she still couldn't decided which one she would eat even if they were all technically the same. This time, even Sora and Riku were looking at her, puzzled at her choosiness over a bunch of cookies.

"Ah, I think this is one is for me... no, wait, I think this is. No, that one is smaller," Elizabeth kept on saying as she reached for one cookie after another even if she had already held it before and said that it was not the size she was looking for.

Kairi chuckled. "This girl's like trying to look for needle in a haystack. Or at least trying to look like she's searching for an outfit that would fit her in an all XXL clothing store."

Sora and Riku giggled at Kairi's comment while Elisabeth continued to grope through the platter, oblivious of the fact that the trio were laughing at her. For a ordinary person, one would have given up by now but Elisabeth was too hard-headed to not comply with the distorted reality her infinitesimal brain could provide her.

"Uhhh... you know what, I'm just going to go and bake more cookies. She's pretty much contaminating every other untouched cookie," Kairi said before heading back to her house.

Riku and Sora ran after her, both exclaiming, "Wait up, Kairi! Don't you want any assistance? Are you lacking any ingredients? We want to help you too! Wait up! Besides, we want to learn how to cook stuff. Kairi!"

And... that's the end of Part Two. Tune in for the next chapter of "When Mary Sues Attack the KH Fandom".

* * *

So... any better?

**Larxene: **Augh! I'm going to get some fresh air. I'm still ticked off about not having my real name revealed. *warps away*

**Marluxia: **Ummm... I guess that I should go follow her. She might break something with that temper of hers. *warps after Larxene*

**Demyx: ***singing some random song*

Okay... Zack, do you have at least any idea where Terra, Ventus, Aqua and Roxas are?

**Zack: **Nope, not a clue. Hey, how do you win with this? *fumbles with the Rubix cube*

*sigh*... Okay, since we're having a little problem with the cast. I'll come back next update with a new set of options and... the same BbS characters as well. Hopefully, those four didn't go do something stupid such as try to bungee-jump from the castle. 'Til then.

Oh, and for those of you who have the Japanese version of the game... I'm not spoiling anything... just the roster. As for Zack... uhh... never mind. I'm not going to tattle anymore.

Expect either a Christmas-themed or a Halloween-themed set of options next update. Frankly, that's to make up for lateness of uploading a chapter during holidays. And... I hope to update this week for real too. I hate school. Ugh. Anyways, see ya.

**Axel: **Where is Roxy-poo?

Shut up. The show's over. It's curtain call. *drags Axel to the backstage*

**Demyx: **And I will take you... *still singing*

Augh! You too, Mr. Pop Star! *grabs Demyx* I still have classes tomorrow so don't you be making a racket tonight or you'll be sleeping with the pyromaniac! Either that or I'm telling you to Larxene. Now come on. Time to go!

**Demyx:** Wait, but I haven't had my encore performance yet!

You can do that next time. Today we stop. Like, now! And don't give me those puppy- Oh all right. Go play a song. Sheesh. Just remember to switch off everything when you're done. I'm so not paying the electricity bill when you goof off this time.

**Demyx: **Okay. I dedicate this song to my fellow Organization members as well as the people who are misunderstood out there. And those who have lost someone significant to their lives. Here is "I'm Still Here".

_I am a question to the world  
Not an answer to be heard  
Or a moment that's held in your arms  
And what do you think you'd ever say  
I won't listen anyway  
You don't know me  
And I'll never be what you want_

_Me to be  
And what do you think you'd understand  
I'm a boy – No, I'm a man  
You can't take me and throw me away  
And how can you learn what's never shown  
Yeah you stand here on your own  
They don't know me  
'Cause I'm not here_

_And I want a moment to be real  
Wanna touch things I don't feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can the world want me to change  
They're the ones that stay the same  
They don't know me  
'Cause I'm not here_

_And you see the things they never see  
All you wanted I could be  
Now you know me and I'm not afraid  
And I wanna tell you who I am  
Can you help me be a man  
They can't break me  
As long as I know who I am_

_And I want a moment to be real  
Wanna touch things I don't feel  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong  
And how can the world want me to change  
They're the ones that stay the same  
They can't see me  
But I'm still here_

_They can't tell me who to be  
'Cause I'm not what they see  
Yeah the world is still sleepin'  
While I keep on dreamin' for me  
And their words are just whispers and lies  
That I'll never believe..._

*appears in the room* Sorry, Demyx. Curtain calls. The manager told me to haul you out now. No buts. I'm really sorry. It's okay. You can sing on the next update.

**Demyx: **But I'm about to finish. Can't you wait- *is hauled off*

It's okay, guys. He'll be singing again next chapter. See ya! Hopefully I can find Roxas by then.


End file.
